Technically, neither are the hills.
Unless they’re alive with the Sound of Music, I suppose. 
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Desiree:
I don’t wanna see a ghost
It’s the sight that I fear most
I’d rather have a piece of toast
If your lyrical skills require you to rhyme “ghost” and “toast”, you lose automatically.
The rest of the song is much the same. Also, the chorus goes “Life, oh life, oh life”. Because the song is about life. And stuff.
No bad lyric thread should be without a mention of Emerson, Lake & Palmer. Virtually any song will do.
The dawn opened the play
Waking the day
Causing a silent hooray
The dawn will break another day
Now that it’s done
Are we going to see the reason why I’m here
Not likely, bub.
(“The Endless Enigma, Part Two”)
Porcupine Pie - Neil Diamond
Now lock this thread.
I’ll be damned! It’s a strange, strange world where ‘gripping oak’ does NOT refer to masturbation.
It’s been 5 minutes since I read this and I still can’t stop chuckling.
This right here is THE STUPID.
But what about Crunchy Granola Suite?
“I am,” I said
To no one there
An no one heard at all
Not even the chair
Nope, sorry! This won’t do at all. All entries require a summary or a quote to be considered for our Grand Prize of The Stupid™.
Misread that word 
Ah, but porcupine pie,
Porcupine pie, porcupine pie
It weaves its way through my dreams
And I do believe
I’m gonna get one
And leave enough room for dessert
Chicken ripple ice cream
Nothing is as stupid as any song entered into the Eurovision song contest. I watched the whole thing last year and it’s fucking fantastic, and by fantastic, I mean “so horrible it goes right to awesome”. I was going to let your google it yourself, but apparently I actually have to share in order for it to count.
I’m sorry for doing this, people. Here’s are some of the lyrics from the winning entry, from Russia:
*Even when the thunder and storm begins
I’ll be standing strong like a tree in the wind
Nothing’s gonna move this mountain
Or change my direction
I’m falling off that sky and I’m all alone
The courage that’s inside gonna break my fall
Nothing’s gonna dim my light within
But if I keep going on
It will never impossible, not today*
For true schlock genius, look up the video of the performance, which involves ice skating on a tiny rink on a stage.
ETA: Also, Latvia’s entry from last year.
Think I posted this one in a similar thread before, but…All Saints, “Never Ever”.
HOLY SHIT, REALLY?!?!!?
Later in the song “the alphabet runs right from A to Zed”. For that international feel.
And Porcupine Pie and Chicken Ripple Ice Cream sound like items off the tasting menu at The Fat Duck. That Heston Blumenthal - he so wacky.
It’s allegedly based on a Hunter S. Thompson quote, although so far the only reference anyone has found has been The Killers.
At least it’s not “Nine in the Afternoon”.
I always thought “For those about to rock, we salute you” is dumb — or at least really bizarre, in its specificity.
Not those who HAVE rocked. Not those who ARE currently rocking. We don’t salute those who will be rocking in the near future. No sir, only those just on the cusp of beginning a session of rocking.
True, but you could have rocked before, and could be about to rock again, thus warranting a salute.
“In and around the lake
Mountains come out of the sky
And they stand there.”
–Yes
Er…okay. What *else *are they going to do?
Of course, I always hear it as “mallards come out of the sky,” which actually makes more sense and conjures a much more amusing image. Whenever we hear that song, the spouse and I look at each other and go, “Quack!”
“All the ways my mother taught me how, I want you now, I want you now” (Hawksley Workman - ‘Striptease’) :eek:
Kyla, that reminds me of David Cook’s Time of My Life. I love him and love the song but honestly, it’s like someone sat down to string together every inspirational cliche there is. Which is probably kind of what happened since it was a songwriting contest as well.
http://www.metrolyrics.com/the-time-of-my-life-lyrics-david-cook.html
Holding onto things that vanished
Into the air
Left me in pieces
But now I’m rising from the ashes
Finding my wings
And all that I needed
Was there all along
Within my reach
As close as the beat of my heart
There was a bad hair metal band that was a one (minor) hit wonder back in the day, called MSG. Their one hit was a song called "When I’m gone, which contained one of the worst single lines ever written in the history of lyrics:
If they’re HANGING, they’re by definition not on the fucking floor, genius!
Lucky Stars
Honey that’s OK, I know your dumb, but you don’t have to look so glum.