I could write a book about all of my stupid moments, but I’m saving the majority of them for the movie…
I wasn’t the most popular kid in high school. Kind of like Charlie Brown. I think I had maybe 3 friends total and I don’t think they liked me that much either. So one summer day between 11th and 12th grade I was walking down the street with my one true friend, my dog, Jeff, (yes, the dog’s name was “Jeff”)when I saw three of the “popular” girls sitting on a porch. They all looked at me, waved and happily said “Hey Shizaru!”, “It’s Shizaru!” and “Whats happening, Shizaru!?” as if they were genuinely glad to see me.
I’m certain only those of us that had Charlie Brown Syndrome in school can know what thats like. These were three of the popular, pretty and everyone-loves-them-crowd girls. I’d been in school with them since grade 1 and none of them hardly knew I existed before now. Now all of a sudden they’re waving to me and acting like its actually good to see me. Wow, I thought, maybe i’m not such a hated loser after all! I waved back saying “Whats up, Ladies?”, trying to look as cool as possible when
KA-BAM!
I walked straight into a street sign. Face First. I fell right over too. I tried to salvage what was left of my dignity immediately, but I was hurt bad. i put a gash from the middle of my forehead down to the bridge of my nose hitting that sign and blood was pouring out of it. I also was so disoriented I couldn’t stand up straight for several minutes. I was so embarrassed i tried to run home, but the mother of the girl whose house they were over ran outside and made me sit on the porch while she cleaned me up. Gaaah. Just thinking about how embarrased I was makes me cringe.
A recent moment I had was in talking to the builder who is constructing our new house. We were going over the custom house plan, trying to figure out where the best place for the stairs to the basement would be.
In trying to conserve space in the kitchen area, I suggested that we put the doorway to the stairs in the living room, next to the doorway to the hall. Apparently they would be magic stairs, and just appear when you needed them, without taking up any space. :rolleyes:
Since my builder is also my boss, and he knows I am not (usually) dumber than a day-old chicken, he said, “Well, that won’t really work,” which I had realized pretty much immediately after speaking. I thanked him for not laughing in my face.
My car is a pretty common model and color around here and at least once I **driven by ** one in my neighborhood thinking, I don’t remember parking there.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that has those “don’t remember parking there” style moments of cranial brown-outs.
At a Boston Pizza once, I took a forkful of my salad … and blew on it. You know, to cool it down.
One morning on the way to my morning bus to work, I was suddenly stricken with the thought, “Oh, crap! I think I forgot my smokes!” I had to stop for a moment and take a drag of my cigarette before I realized my brain had betrayed me yet again.
Spent several seconds trying to open the door to my building before realizing I was trying completely the wrong key. It was neither coloured nor shaped the same as the one I was supposed to be using, and I knew this.
Thought, “I could go for a cofee right about now” and then reaching over to my mug in preparation to do so before realizing it was already full.
Several times I’ve been in a computer lab either surfing or working on a project, with my friend/classmate on the computer next to me. I’d want to show him something on his screen, and I’d move my mouse over to try to make it appear on his screen to show him :smack:
As I said, I have one just about every day. Here was yesterday’s:
I was talking to Mr. m on the phone during his lunch hour on Monday. He mentioned that he was on his way back to work, and that he had just taken Elizabeth down to the video store. He was in kind of a hurry, so I didn’t ask, but I wondered who Elizabeth was (I assumed someone from work) and how she was going to get back from the video store if he had dropped her off.
So last night, it came to me: He was telling me he had returned Elizabethtown. And it only took me about 30 hours to figure it out. :rolleyes:
Like moonstarssun, I have moments like this almost daily. The morning DJ at the radio station where I work (who happens to be my younger brother) has named me “Prince of Dorkness.”
Here is yesterday’s moment: It was my birthday, but I hadn’t said a word to any of my co-workers about it. I hit 55, and while it’s a good speed limit for construction zones, it ain’t an age any hippie rock-n-roller wants to be. Somebody finally let the cat out of the bag, however, and when I returned from lunch, Bekah, our personality-laden 23-year-old receptionist cheerily announced, “We will be singing Happy Birthday to you, mister!” The phone was ringing, sales reps were clamoring for my attention and the program director (same brother) was having a crisis. Through it all, Bekah chirped, “Did you see what’s on your desk?” As I passed through my office, I noticed that there was a huge cupcake setting on my desk.
Several minutes later, with phone calls answered, ad reps happy and crisis resolved, I walked up to Bekah and gave her a chaste but heartfelt hug. “Thanks for the cupcake,” I said. “Uh, it’s from your wife,” she said.
Not content to escape the day with just one really stupid moment, I called my bride and related the story to her. She thought it was funny. In an attempt to switch from Prince of Dorkness to Prince Charming, I asked my wife if we could split the cupcake at dinner (we planned to have our favorite dish at our favorite restaurant, then indulge in the rare dessert.) Mrs. Rice dissolved in laughter. “Did you look closely at it?” she asked between snorts and guffaws. I peered closely at the cupcake. It was wrapped in celophane. And there, hidden by the bow holding the celophane closed at the top, was a candlewick.
I was making a thin sauce for some meat and noticed some lumps floating on the top. Not wanting these lumps to ruin the sauce I took the pan over to the sink and poured the sauce through a seive.
Having effectively removed the lumps from my sauce I went back to the stove with the seive and then realised I was a complete fricking arsehead.
That and turning off the main breaker to the house and leaving a pile of fish to rot in the freezer for several weeks - qualiifed for the worst smell I have experienced.
Walked through a workshop, passed couple of the techs working and said hello, than walked slap into a brick wall. The door way that used to be there had been bricked up, and who had signed the approval for the work to be done and should have known a tad better…
However, the oft-mocked question “When is Midnight Mass?” is actually a legitimate one. Midnight Mass is a specific service but can be held anywhere from 7 PM to midnight on Christmas Eve.
Hey, I can beat that. I use a tablet and alternate between the mouse and the stylus. My right hand has been sore and I’m relatively ambimousetrous so I’ve been using my left had as much as I can. I reached over to the mouse that was sitting on the desk, not on the tablet, and tried to use it. Then I tried to use the stylus that wasn’t on the tablet either.
Similar story here - a few years back I had two computers/monitors: one was a laptop, and the other was a desktop machine.
Ctrl-C, followed by Ctrl-V on the other machine, does not yield the results one expects :smack:
Then there was the day years ago when I bought a bottle of juice from the vending machine at work. And as was my habit, I shook it up in case any of the solids had settled.
This works better when you shake it before removing the cap. :smack:
More often than I want to admit I will get on the elevator at my apartment building, and get off on whatever floor the doors open to, walk down the hallway and attempt to enter the apartment on the wrong floor.
This is improved when I get to my correct apartment door and attempt to open it using the key fob that unlocks my car doors.
Coffee making mishaps? Check
Walls/objects randomly appearing? Check
Stupid Cooking mistakes? Check
Never knowing my account number whenever I call/go anywhere? Check
Telling players to “showdown” when both of them still had chips left? Check
Thinking the baby on the sonogram screen was a “sample baby” to explain to me what I would be seeing? Check
Calling a company and complaining that their software will not install. It’s default directory was c:/windows, my windows directory was c:/windows1? Check
Bought a car that I had not yet test drove and ran into 3 chairs and a door with the stroller before I made it out to my new car? Check.
Really stupid moments? How about a really stupid life? I really can tie my shoes and dress myself, most of the time. Yes, I have spare everything in my car in case I forget something like deodorant, teethbrushing, makeup, girlie stuff. To my credit, I know I am a fumbling, bumbling, air-headed idiot that would lose my head if it wasn’t connected and I do take many steps to protect myself and others.
Have you ever made a phone call to someone, and then asked for yourself? I have. That’s worse than forgetting why you called.
I’ve also deleted messages on my voicemail from my sister, thinking that they were messages I’d left for myself (we sound alike). If she calls me from her cell phone (or vice versa) and there’s an echo, I can’t tell if I’m echoing or if she’s interrupting me. Maybe I should listen?
I was out driving the other day, and it was one of those “now it’s sunny / now it’s not” days, when you don’t know if you should keep your sunglasses on or not. In a sunny moment, I decided I needed them, but couldn’t figure out where they were. Not on my head. Not in my bag. Not on the seat or on the floor. I just had them on during the last sunny moment, darn it! So I decided to forget it, since I was almost at my destination. I got there, parked, got out of the car, and - as I walked into the building - took my sunglasses off my face. I still don’t know if I had them on the whole time, or if I just don’t remember finding them & putting them on.
Done that. Even went so far as to open a door that wasn’t locked only to realize on looking in that it looked nothing like my apartment. Fortunately I wasn’t seen that time…
I’ve also gotten on the elevator and pressed the button for the floor I was already on – once to the extent that I couldn’t figure out why the elevator wasn’t moving after the doors had closed. I’ve also gotten on the elevator when there were others getting on at the same time and didn’t press any buttons at all.
And then hearing someone rushing to the elevator asking its occupant (me) to hold the elevator, then rushing to slam the door open button, only to realize the one I hit did not say “open,” then realizing it’s a good thing they couldn’t see who the asshole in the elevator was.
