Oh, I forgot one of my all-time :o moments. I went with French class to the CIA (Culinary Institute of America), which had some sort of French luncheon. Having grown up in a house where we never ordered dessert at restaurants, I didn’t know from a dessert tray. First I looked at it thinking, wow, they only have one of each dessert; I guess you’re out of luck if someone else orders the one you want before you order. Then when a classmate ordered a certain one, I thought I would help the waiter out by grabbing the one off the tray to pass to that person.
I figure it’s good training for wannabe restauranteurs, to have to handle fuck pas like that.
In a poker tournament just this last Saturday, I had flopped the nuts (meaning I had the best possible hand) so I went all-in. I immediately flipped over my cards, forgetting that I should probably not show everyone that I had them beat if I wanted them to put more chips in the middle. Surprisingly, no one called, and I got a ten minute penalty for revealing my hole cards to boot.
I have that happen sometimes when I’m not even tired.
A few months ago, I was talking to my sister and she mentioned some fact (I can’t remember what it was specifically.) This was a fact of which she had already made me aware.
I opened my mouth to say “I heard you say that.” but realize as I’m opening my mouth that I read it in an e-mail she had sent me a few days earlier. Hastily, my brain reconfigures the statement “I heard you say that.” to incorporate the concepts of reading and e-mail.
Sadly, my brain didn’t do a very good job as what came out of my mouth was “I read you e-mail that.” :smack:
We spent several minutes laughing at that and even now I’m giggling to myself as I type.
I work as a software developer (in-house applications) so a lot of times the people I’ve written applications for will send me a screen shot of an error message they’ve received (so I can fix it for them). I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to click the “OK” button on the screen shot of the error message!
When playing a console RPG, I’ve tried looking around corners to avoid ambushes by baddies. Literally–I’ve leaned sideways trying to see around a corner in a damn game on my TV screen. :smack:
When I was pregnant with my first child and would be trying to write a check, I’d stop and stare at one of the lines, trying to remember what to put there. Was it the date I couldn’t remember? The store I was in? The amount?
Hell, no! I was staring blankly at the stupid signature line! :smack: :smack: :smack:
I called my friend Ben once and got his answering machine, so I left a message. “Hi Lindsay, this is Ben…not it’s not…um.” I don’t recall how I ended that message.
I work at a movie theater concession stand, and the other day a woman ordered a medium popcorn. So I got the medium popcorn bag, opened it up, and put in a scoop of ice. I was totally confused when I realized what I had done.
I am reminded of another shining example of my non-brilliance. Several years ago I was eating from a bag of mini Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Not much thought has to go into successfully eating candy, right? Well, I pick up a cup, peel off the foil and pop the chocolaty morsel into my mouth. As I bite down, I slowly realize that the texture of this particular cup is a bit unusual and the it doesn’t really taste like chocolate either. More like paper really. For reasons I cannot fathom, I continue chewing for a few moments before it dawns on me. I forgot to take the candy out of the little cupcake style wrapper before eating it. It’s sad how long that realization took.
The good thing about being a complete and total dork is that I suffer no embarrassment by things like this, and tend to share them so others can laugh too.
The really frightening thing is that I was expecting an over the belly sonogram and that isn’t exactly what it was. My husband was there and I am getting undressed, the lady picks up the “wand” slides a condom on it, lubes it up and waits for me, my husband was completely confused. Then I find out that it isn’t the sonogram I was expecting, get on the table, sonogram beings with the wand in place, up pops a baby on the screen that is an absolute textbook image of a sonogram baby, it isn’t moving at all. I figured she was going to tell me how it worked, what to expect, etc. I asked her if the baby was dead because it wasn’t moving. Turns out, that was the ONLY time my daughter would be still the entire pregnancy. (WOOT! Fooled you Mommy!) We must have both seemed too dumb to breath, but I don’t think she expected folks in their mid-30’s to be so clueless about such things. Pregnancy is a wacky process at best. My standard response to everything was “I have a dog, you have a degree, let’s go with your insight on this one, K?”
Last night I was frying chicken, using metal tongs to turn it. Boiling oil, metal tongs, complete dork, why yes, I held the tongs up so the oil wouldn’t drip on the stove, but would instead coat my hand with 350d oil.
When I was around 11 years old I had a massive crush on one of the girls at my school. She had just moved into my neighborhood and I was outside her house doing tricks on my bike to show how cool I was. One of which tricks, thought up on the spot, was Riding A Bike With Your Eyes Closed.
When I opened my eyes, the last thing I saw was the word “FORD,” right before I plowed into the tailgate of a parked truck. The force of the impact was truly awesome, I got dismounted and knocked backwards about 6 or 7 feet, and the bike actually slid under the truck.
I’d actually been soldering some stuff, got finished, unplugged the iron, went and took a leak, and came back.
That was the point where I apparently pushed the mental clutch in.
I thought “Well, time to clean up now.”, and promptly grabbed the almost full temperature soldering iron by the tip, thinking that I’d put it back in the box.
I managed to give my thumb, index finger and middle finger second degree burns.
My other idiotic move was when I was at my girlfriend’s apartment, and we were broiling some fish. It was time to put some chives or something on them, and I thought… oh, I’ll just reach in and sprinkle them on.
Unfortunately, I bumped the orange-hot heating element with the top of my finger. She says “You might want to take them out… they smell like they’re burning.”
I say “Nope… that’s me you smell.” (promptly followed by girlfriendly freak-out)
The only thing worse than smelling your own burnt skin is tasting it when you reflexively stick the burnt finger in your mouth.
I was recently diagnosed with endometriosis, and I can tell you that not only is there a variety with a wand up the hoo-ha, I can also tell you that depending on where you get it done and how the technician was trained, you sometimes have to insert it yourself. Ultrasound technician handed me the probe and I looked at her like Now what?
Back on the actual subject, however, this morning I spent twenty minutes searching for my glasses before I went to rub my face and found them right where they were supposed to be. What gets me is that my glasses are the little granny kind, and I can see the frames whenever I’m wearing them. I can see the frames in my peripheral vision, and yet I’m frantically searching my purse.
Yup. It may (I don’t know for sure - I ain’t a Dr.) have something to do with the size of the fetus - at least when I had them done that way it was because it was very early on in the pregnancy.