Reason why God would never ever want a Klondike bar:
You eat all those sacrifices for thousands of years, tell me you want that chocolate migrating to your hips.
Reasons why God would be a lousy husband:
He knowingly let his own kid get killed*
His Dick IS So Big.
No divorce
That prenup would be Hell.
When have you ever, single, woken up and noticed all the dishes were done, or the place was vacuumed, or the trash was taken out? He never does housework.
Reasons why God would be a bad researcher:
His only work was completely devoid of citations or references. Hell, he didn’t even acknowledge those who helped Him write the damned thing!
“Because I say so” not a valid defense of PhD work.