Refilling the Brown Ink

The BBQ Pit
1

So my printer died today. Brilliant fucking timing. It’s not like I have a shitload of papers due or anything. It just made horrible clunking noises and refused to print. So I look online, and find this. Apparently they just shit the bed after a while. Fuck HP. If anyone has any ideas on how to propel this fucker about 30 feet into the air, I’m gonna put a 12 gauge hole in it. Anyway, here’s how the whole fiasco went down:

Son of a Bitch HP Printer (SOABHPP): Hey buddy, I need a new printer cartridge.

Me: No problem, man. Open up and take it. (opens case)

SOABHPP: Whirrrrr Click Click Click Click Hgggggggghhhhh

Me: What the…?

SOABHPP: Uhh, paper jam I think. Reach into my bowels and feel around.

Me: There’s no paper in you, fucker!

SOABHPP: I meant carriage jam. Reach in.

Me: What’s a carriage and how does it jam?

SOABHPP: Okay then, raspberry jam. Just do something.

Me: (unplugs and replugs all cords)

SOABHPP: Click whrrrrrrrrrrrrr Thunk Thunk Thunk Thunk Hssssssssss

Me: (looks online for help) Says here I can call Tech Support and wait a few hours for someone who doesn’t speak English to tell me to buy a new printer. I got a better idea. (opens case)

SOABHPP: What are you doing?!!

Me: I’m shitting in you, you bastard. How’s that for ink?

SOABHPP: AAHHH! Click Click Glurg Glurg Whirrrrrrrrrrr

Me: (comes back later with shiny new Epson that I can’t afford)

SOABHPP: I’m being replaced?

Me: Get in the fucking closet until I can find some fireworks.

THE END

2

Ewwww.

I applaud your expression of angst and can empathise with the motivation, but …

EWWWWWWW!!!

3

Bwah! Hey, your closet’s not gonna smell so great though…

Wanna kill my Lexmark Z32 next? It won’t die, so I can’t justify buying a new one.

4

I hope you had it unplugged before your adventure. That could have been an embareassing trip to the ER

“Well Doc, it all started when my printer ran out of ink, and it went downhill from there”

Hey, that reminds me, I have to pick up some more ink, and some toilet paper.

I never expected to write that sentance.

5

I am guessing this is the wrong thread to say I love my HP 2210. It is probably due to die soon it has been pretty strong for a couple years. Have you considered a catapult Just be sure to glue an udder and some ears to it first.

6

What the fuck does PC LOAD LETTER mean?

Trust me, like Michael Bolton, we’ve all had the same experience.

7

I have a lexmark z32 and we have the exact same problem. Fucker just keeps going. Works exactly like the cheap little inkjet it is and won’t stop. It’s 4, 5 years old at least. I can’t even remember when we bought it. Damndest thing.

8

The problem isn’t “HP” but “Inkjet.”

IMO, they are horrible printers for what most people need. Unless you really need to print color, get a middle-of-the-line laser. It’ll cost so much less over the long run–toner is cheaper then ink, and toner doesn’t dry up and ruin the printer.

9

I know. We bought the fucker in college and said “This will last a couple years until we graduate and then our next printer will be a laserjet. They should be reasonable by then and we will have real jobs” AND THE FUCKING THING WON"T BREAK.

10

Only one person would dare give it the raspberry!

[SIZE=3][SIZE=1]Hides head in shame that that was the first thing I thought of when reading[/SIZE][/SIZE]

Oh, and ewwww! I usually just attack mine with power tools. No, I don’t have a violent nature. :wink:

11

Shame! No shame! It’s the first thing I thought of too. goes to watch Spaceballs again

My printer is an HP I think. Not even sure since I haven’t used it in over 2 years (any printing I need to do, I do at school since they so helpfully gave us a huge credit for it). All I remember is it sucks, and it was a replacement printer for my last one that was given to me because the jerks broke my old one when Dad took it in to be cleaned.

12

I have an HP 7350 (photosmart). I’ve had it about 4 years now and it never has given me a lick of trouble. The kids use it to print their homework assignments and I print lots of photos. I think it’s great.

13

I read all the comments in the link provided by the OP. I saw that language decorum wasn’t a high proirity of the people who contributed, so I was going to suggest that Kyyrewyyoae add his OP to the set. That’s when I came upon this:

And the site posted reviews dating from January through June of this year. I wonder how soon they’ll have their user review system upgraded.

:smiley:

14

I have to bump this. That OP struck me as one of the funniest things I’ve read in a while, right down to the surreal, ridiculously hilarious phrase “Reach into my bowels and feel around.” :smiley: