Regarding the 'Big Brothers, Big Sisters' program ...

In My Humble Opinion
1

Are any of you involded with either? If so, how’s it going?

For several years now I’ve considered becoming a mentor but never went through with it because, well, for several reasons. …

One is that I’d be afraid that the child might grow up and become a serial killer, or some other type of nut-case, and then tell everyone that his head started getting screwed up when I came into his life. It could happen.

Another reason I’ve not gotten involved is because maybe the boy’s father and mother would hate my guts on account of me being in the picture. (God knows I wouldn’t care to have his gang-member-father sitting in a prison somewhere making plans to “rub me out”!)

Also, I would be inclined to think that there are some inherent dangers with being involved with a developing child when one’s own take on the world is different than the spin that the national news media has been brainwashing everyone with, and so it would seem that one would have to play the game pretty tight lipped by just keeping it all very simple (and dumb) by limiting all conversations to Nintendo, sports, fishing and so on, as if the political/spiritual/racial/sexual worlds aren’t there. (Of course they no doubt have some little yes/no compatibility test that matches people, but I’m sure those are pretty flawed.) And to be honest, it would kill me if I couldn’t expose him to the (terrific!) “Savage Nation” radio talk show.

Lastly, what happens if the kid is just a no good rotten kid? Do you dump him and ask to exchange him for another? Hmm.

Might any of you have any thoughts on the subject? :slight_smile:

2

The OP is looking for informed opinions, so let’s move this to IMHO.

samclem GQ moderator

3

When I was in Graduate School I was involved in the BB program for about a year and a half. I personally enjoyed it very much. It gave me a very different view on life then my everyday life–and for me it was critical. Nothing like going to the circus with a kid and seeing it through his eyes to help your attitude adjustment!

The other big factor was my little brother was a great kid! I enjoyed the time I spent with him and I feel I was a pretty big influence on his life. I have lost touch with him–and he would be about 24 now :slight_smile: But he was a good kid and showed me so much that I wouldn’t have been exposed to since I didn’t have kids at the time.

Personally I would recommend it–but you have to be willing to invest the time in the kid. It doesn’t take a lot of time, but you do have to make time. Look at it this way, it will prepare you for when you have kids on your own. I know that my experience with my little brother has helped shape how I spend time with my daughter.

good luck if you go forward on it :slight_smile:

4

Thanks for sharing, Hakuna!

I’d be curious to know how you “drifted apart,” should you care to write a sentence or two about it. Thanks!

5

I graduated and moved to Washington DC and then here to Seattle. I assume he still lives in Salt Lake–but I don’t really know. I do know some people maintain a life long relationship with their little brother. In many ways I wish I had–he was really a good kid.

In hindsight I do wish I had kept in touch–but I had moved away and things just drifted off.

But good luck if you decide to go into the program. I enjoyed it, and if I had more time in my life now (but then again who ever has time right?) I would do it again. But frankly I have my hands full with my kid now :slight_smile:

6

I have done some e-mentoring, which is kind of similar, although also very different. The commitment was limited to a semester (or maybe a school year) and the contact was all by email.

My answer to your third point is that if you can do some good in the life of a child by having conversations about Nintendo, fishing and sports, that is a noble goal. IMHO, it’s not a great idea to go into this with the idea you are trying to shape the kid’s worldview. That probably increases the likelihood of scenarios 1 and 2. Just being a concrete example of someone who goes to work/school everyday, stays out of trouble with the law, and cares enough to keep commitments to the kid is plenty to do a lot of good. Think of it as a Zen “chop wood, carry water” type of thing, where it may seem like you’re not doing much, but the little you do is consistent and for the good.

7

Thanks! Good comments and advice from both of you.:slight_smile:

8

I have been a Big Brother since December 2005 and it has been a wonderful experience.

First of all, you need to make an appointment with your local Big Brothers Big Sisters chapter. You have a lot of concerns which need to be addressed. I also had some concerns, but the woman I met put me at ease. Be honest with them and ask them any questions you have… and defintely voice your concerns. They will appreciate your candor.

First of all, Big Brothers Big Sisters wants each match to be a success! Your match specialist will try to connect you with a Little who shares similar interests. Since this will be your first experience, they will not match you up with a “hard case” (e.g. a sersiouly troubled Little whose father is in prison). My match specialist asked me several questions to assure a positive match. If you don’t like sports, they won’t match you up with a sports fanatic. If you prefer to stay within your race, they won’t match you up with someone outside your race. Since there is a shortage of Bigs, however, matches can’t be perfect everytime. You might ask for a 7-10 year-old and get matched up with a 15 year-old.

It is usually a parent who contacts the organization, so don’t worry about your Little’s parents despising you. My Little Brother’s mom really appreciates that I spend time with her son. She contacted the organization three times over the course of 14 months before they matched us together. There is clearly a shortage of Bigs.

I am not a certified therapist or counselor and you don’t need to be either. You only need to be a fun, reliable guy. You voiced some irrelevant concerns in your final paragrapph and shouldn’t be so concerned with exposing your Little to the “political/spiritual/racial/sexual worlds.” Many of these kids have never gone fishing, so this might be really fun. Many of these kids simply need an escape.

Also, your little’s age will drive your activities together. My little is 14 and this weekend he’s coming over to make a Led Zeppelin mix with me. Last weekend we went to an archery range. The weekend before that Big Brothers gave us free passes for the Milwaukee zoo. I try to come up with creative activities or teach him something new (archery, painting, etc.), but many times it’s the little things he enjoys most (skipping stones on Lake Michigan, going out for hot chocolate on a cold day, etc).

As with any relationship, your comfort level with each other will gradaully increase as you spend more time together. This will vary with each match. Challenges may emerge, but working through these challenges will strengthen the relationship.

Again, we really need more Bigs… so if you are remotely considering it, make an appointment with a representative. Depending on where you live, your chapter might also have informational meetings for prospective Bigs. This would be a great oppotunity for you to meet other Bigs and hear their stories. Definitely check it out!

The experience has truly changed my life.

9

I have been a Big Brother since December 2005 and it has been a wonderful experience.

First of all, you need to make an appointment with your local Big Brothers Big Sisters chapter. You have a lot of concerns which need to be addressed. I also had some concerns, but the woman I met put me at ease. Be honest with them and ask them any questions you have… and defintely voice your concerns. They will appreciate your candor.

First of all, Big Brothers Big Sisters wants each match to be a success! Your match specialist will try to connect you with a Little who shares similar interests. Since this will be your first experience, they will not match you up with a “hard case” (e.g. a sersiouly troubled Little whose father is in prison). My match specialist asked me several questions to assure a positive match. If you don’t like sports, they won’t match you up with a sports fanatic. If you prefer to stay within your race, they won’t match you up with someone outside your race. Since there is a shortage of Bigs, however, matches can’t be perfect everytime. You might ask for a 7-10 year-old and get matched up with a 15 year-old.

It is usually a parent who contacts the organization, so don’t worry about your Little’s parents despising you. My Little Brother’s mom really appreciates that I spend time with her son. She contacted the organization three times over the course of 14 months before they matched us together. There is clearly a shortage of Bigs.

I am not a certified therapist or counselor and you don’t need to be either. You only need to be a fun, reliable guy. You voiced some irrelevant concerns in your final paragrapph and shouldn’t be so concerned with exposing your Little to the “political/spiritual/racial/sexual worlds.” Many of these kids have never gone fishing, so this might be really fun. Many of these kids simply need an escape.

Also, your little’s age will drive your activities together. My little is 14 and this weekend he’s coming over to make a Led Zeppelin mix with me. Last weekend we went to an archery range. The weekend before that Big Brothers gave us free passes for the Milwaukee zoo. I try to come up with creative activities or teach him something new (archery, painting, etc.), but many times it’s the little things he enjoys most (skipping stones on Lake Michigan, going out for hot chocolate on a cold day, etc).

As with any relationship, your comfort level with each other will gradaully increase as you spend more time together. This will vary with each match. Challenges may emerge, but working through these challenges will strengthen the relationship.

Again, we really need more Bigs… so if you are remotely considering it, make an appointment with a representative. Depending on where you live, your chapter might also have informational meetings for prospective Bigs. This would be a great oppotunity for you to meet other Bigs and hear their stories. Definitely check it out!

The experience has truly changed my life.

10

Thanks miles!!

Great info! I’ll give it lots of thought!!