British Columbians: Stoners wearing sandals in January, who grow pot in their window boxes and shrooms in their basements. Everyone lives in Vancouver, except those over 65 who live in Victoria. There is no Interior population.
Albertans: Religious right-wing robots in cowboy boots, who, since they’re on their knees praying anyway, loosen his bible belt and do Ralph Klein at the drop of a paper Stetson hat or an election writ. Another Stampede prayer pancake breakfast! Yahoo.
Saskatchewanians: Clodhoppers in dirty jeans and plaid, long-sleeve shirts who drive '52 Fargos and can’t spell their own collective name. They always vote for the socialists because they’re all bankrupt farmers. Except when they vote for the fascists because they’re all bankrupt farmers.
Manitobans: They’ll laugh at Winnipeg being called Winterpeg because they never heard it before. Winnipeggers know it’s spring when their houses float away and the daily tabloid runs a cartoon of a giant mosquito. Manitobans always vote for the socialists because those who aren’t starving are just plain poor. Tourism glossies point out that like B.C., Manitoba is a coastal province. But polar bears keep eating the tourists.
Ontarians: Stuck-up Easterners who think they know everything because the CBC has its headquarters in the centre of the universe, Toronto. If the atomic-power plant in Pickering blew up, Toronto newspapers would scream NUKE BLAST SNARLS 401 TRAFFIC.
Quebecers: The collective tail wagging the exasperated dog. A bunch of spoiled-brat whiners. No matter how many separation referendums they lose, they hold another. How the hell can we know what they want when they won’t tell us in English? Besides, they haven’t a clue what separation would do to Toronto.
Everything east of Quebec: A bunch of little squiggles on a map, with each squiggle fighting over the last codfish in the Atlantic. No one, especially in Saskatchewan, knows which squiggle is which, anyway. Except for Newfoundland; everyone there talks funny and it gets all the fed’s handouts because Nova Scotia just caught the last codfish, the last lobster, the last. . . .
Stereotypes all, of course. Except for Albertans. 