Regrets, I've had a few

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

In my old age, I’m having regrets. Not rug rats, I’ve had those, but reconsiderations of my past behavior, for purely selfish reasons: there were older people in my life whom I couldn’t stand and I let my contempt for them show. It would have been much wiser, all around, for me to have pretended to enjoy their company than to alienate them as I did. Two examples: one, a former boss (the first 12 years of my career) and an ex father-in-law.

In both cases, they were knowledgeable about things that I’ve been interested in for my entire life, acting and painting, and I could have learned a lot by sucking down my hostility and expressing my genuine interest in hearing them pontificate on these subjects (which they loved doing). They were both big blowhards, which is what I disliked about both men, the endless talking just to hear one’s voice, the strong opinions supported by no facts, the narcissism and endless superiority to everyone and everything that stood between them and world renown. But, man, did they know their stuff!

Both had studied with world-class teachers, and both were diligent students and highly competent practitioners of their arts. (The former boss had studied with a very famous acting teacher and had hobnobbed with some actors whose names you’d all recognize, and my father-in-law had been a well-trained painting instructor teaching in a public high school filled with students who frustrated him by their lack of interest in his expertise.) I could have learned so much for free, for years and years on end, if I had just been more agreeable to suppressing my personal dislike of them.

And not just learning. I would have had a much smoother career if I had sucked up to my former boss instead of fighting with him constantly, and I would have had a much smoother marriage if I had made an ally of my father-in-law rather than an enemy. It would have felt like (and been) an act of Machiavellian proportions in both cases, and I would have been living a lie full-time (and hating myself?) if I could have done it, but I rather wish I had.

2

I think most of us have regrets such as yours and have accepted them and moved on. There are lots of relationships with people had I handled them differently would have greatly impacted my life for the better. However, I chose not to do those things and did something different. Life is full of decisions we thought were right at the time, and that in hindsight were not in our best interest. It’s important to realize we made mistakes in the past, but if it’s too late to do anything about them then all we can do is learn from them and not repeat them in the future.

3

Both these guys are dead so no chance of repairing anything. Well, one’s dead and the other is a vegetable .

But i haven’t changed. If i met another blowhard tomorrow, I’d probably respond the same way i had in the past.

4

One thing I’ve learned the hard way is the old saying “Choose your battles wisely” is definitely true.

As for regrets, I have guilt that I did not visit my mother very often after I left home at 22.

5

For many of us, it’s important to review our past shortcomings to help us try to make changes going forward. But I find it’s not helpful to wallow too much, and to actively forgive oneself. My partner sometimes says she doesn’t think forgiveness really exists, and she may be right, but we should do whatever we can do to get unstuck and move towards contentment.

6

I actually agree with you regarding blowhards. I put up with them for a while, but then stop listening or talking to them. Fortunately, most of these have been random people I have worked with, and I have no regrets blowing them off.

However, I do have a uncle who is a blowhard and intentionally argues with you, even if it means he takes a side I know he doesn’t agree with. I try to avoid him at any family gatherings, but we are still on talking terms.