I’ve posted on this recently in other threads; here’s my thoughts:
My approach to this issue starts from two points – courtesy/kindness/decency, and a broader societal view.
I’ll start with the second: Because of our history, certain slurs have a very high (and entirely reasonable) association with some of the worst atrocities humans have ever done. In order for such atrocities to take place, the majority/those-in-power need to have some level of contempt and dehumanizing opinions about the victims – usage of such slurs is part of that dehumanization. It’s much easier to enslave, torture, or kill a thing, animal, vermin, etc., than it is to do it to another person. Acceptance of common usage of these sorts of slurs is pretty much required (along with other things) for this sort of attitude to take hold in a populace. So I see it (common decency, I’ll call it – others might call it being politically correct) as an ongoing fight against those aspects of society, culture, and the like, that might be, even in a small way, turning us towards those attitudes. IMO we have to be vigilant, essentially forever, because this kind of thing might always be a part of us. If we let our guard up for a moment, or a day, or a year, or a century, these attitudes that enable atrocities could easily come roaring back. This might sound like a monumental task or something, but to me it’s very easy, and requires very little effort – if I see/hear someone behaving in such a way, with words or actions, I call them out and criticize them (or at least that’s my intention). Intent is impossible to determine with certainty, so I’m more concerned about the actions – at worst, I’ll challenge someone who meant something else, and we’ll have a conversation that might be very constructive and enlightening. There’s nothing wrong with having such discussions.
The courtesy and decency part is much easier – I find such language incredibly rude and unkind, for the most part. I think it’s reasonable to call out behavior that’s very rude and unkind. It doesn’t mean the person is a monster. Another aspect is that it gives people an opportunity to improve themselves. In my opinion, few people, if anyone, truly can know if they have some racist attitudes, beliefs, or impulses within them. If someone insists that they’re not racist, or not bigoted, this means nothing to me – this is something racist people say just as often as non-racist people. I certainly don’t know this for sure about myself. The best I’ll say is that I strive to not say racist things, or do racist things. If I make a mistake, I hope someone calls me out on it so I can improve myself. I’d find it discourteous to not call someone out and give them this opportunity to improve. Again, at worst, we might have a constructive and enlightening conversation, even if we disagree.
In short, conversation and discussion are good. I’m not for censorship – meaning government intervention into what anyone is or is not legally allowed to say – in any way whatsoever. But criticism isn’t censorship – “I think it’s very rude to say that”, or even “shut up you jerk!”, aren’t censorship. Challenges and discussion aren’t censorship. Debating what terms might be found offensive isn’t censorship. I recognize that some folks don’t care about offending others. That’s fine – everyone is free to offend. And everyone is free to criticize statements they find offensive, up to and including things like commercial boycotts. “Don’t support the company headed by XYZ” is just as protected by the First Amendment as “ethnic group ABC is worthless”.
If any of this sounds difficult, it doesn’t have to be. If you behave and speak with an open mind, and with some concern for your neighbors and fellow humans, you’ll probably be okay. Sometimes you might make a mistake – I know I have. But that’s just an opportunity to learn. Listen to others and see what they have to say. Sometimes it will be very helpful, sometimes it won’t, but it never hurts to listen, and never hurts to consider the views and opinions of others.