Another one of my “What would you do if…” posts. The scenerio:
You are a janitor at a secret government research facility; or the girl/boy friend of one of the senior scientists there; or whatever. They are developing the world’s first totally programmable self-reproducing nanobot. It’s designed to alter human DNA so that the user can specify ANY combination of physical and mental traits. You manage to steal a vial of the prototype nanites, and a portable programming interface.
You now hold in your hands absolute power over the destiny of the human race. All you have to do is enter your instructions, then open the vial in a public area. You can of course make sure that the changes cannot be reversed or modified. The airborne nanobots will reproduce and spread and in a week or so every human being in the world will have whatever traits you decide to impose on them.
Totally immoral? Or would you feel it your responsibility to improve the world? What sort of human race would YOU create if you could?
It doesn’t matter what improvements can be made through genetics, you can’t make a perfect being with a flawed core code. As my good friend Morbo says: “All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo!” Altered genetics or not, I’m with Morbo.
Honestly, this is something out of pulpy sci-fi. We evil villains need something we can use now. Like by patented zombie-droids. They use human parts, but are so much more! Order yours now!
No appendix. Tonsils would not be inflamed. Your wisdom teeth would grow in straight and not need to be removed. No kidney stones (Hi Ayesha!) or gall stones. Your personal thermostat would be adjustable, so you could burn off more fat when you needed to. No Gout. Your body could deal benignly with cholesterol.
I’ve been toyin with the idea of ziplock surgery to make things more convenient, but it would probably be too much of a pain, most of the time.
Built-in tampons. Naturally expanding (much more than now) orifices for truly painless childbirth.
Women’s breasts would be Much smaller.No more backaches, no more unwanted staring. To make up for this, though, they would grow to an appealing size when the woman met a man who turned her on. This would be more convenient for all concerned.
<evil overlord>
Lumpy, I told you to stay out of my lab! I swear, if it weren’t so expensive to import janitors to the SS Hoboken I’d fire you for leaking this! Keep this quiet, inoci, and I’ll cut you a deal on some zombie parts after Operation Vatican Storm.
</evil overlord>
Overall, I like CalMeacham’s suggestions. (But Cal, are you implying that men aren’t already multiorgasmic? What a horrible concept!)
I would add genes coding for an enzyme complex that would target and disassemble a particular little retrovirus called HIV–and edit it out of DNA where it’s already inserted itself. Then I’d work on rhinoviruses, I think.
I would make humans no longer grow old (not eternal life, just indefinite life), and make them able to fight off any disease and recover from any ailment with relative ease. Oh, and in case alien civilizations exist, INCREDIBLE PSYCHIC POWER so that we can bend them to our will.
*Prehensile tails that are 4 feet long
*on/off switch for reproductive ability that can be stuck in off switch for the real morons
*detatchable penises [makes cheating less of a problem]
*mix and match body parts
Yes to the on/off reproductive switch. Maybe ZP3 oligosaccharides on eggs would disappear if internally switched or be inactively bound by a male signal on sperm. Gotta have that switch for both males and females.
Females could still cycle, but would absorb unspent uterine linings. No more messy periods! Former menstruation would now be signalled by something like glow-in-the-dark nipples.
Eating apricots would cause all body hair to fall off.
Broadly speaking, Humans evolved from ape-like beings.
I would divide the Human race into multiple ,Human-like species; each derived from a different species. Foxes, racoons, canines, wolves, rodents, lapines, various reptilians (including at least one type of snake-centaur; humanoid from the waist up, & snake’s body from the waist down), leonines, pandas, other cats—at least 2 dozen species.
Some Humans would remain “as is”.
All new species would be omnivours. (SP?)
Competator species would result in A) a more viable Human race; or B) another species inheriting our culture.
Idealy, we finaly learn to live together. If not, we end up trying to be *ssholes with people who have razor-sharp fangs & claws.
