Remember to do the obvious things.

My favorite is when I put the crackers in the fridge and the milk in the pantry.

Portrait of Ethilrist, getting ready to go to work:

Welp, time to go. Let’s get some shoes and socks on. (goes upstairs)
Ooh, shiny! (goes downstairs with the remote control he found under book, but without shoes or socks)

Rinse, repeat as needed, usually three or four times, with the last time accompanied by a spoken mantra, “I am going to get my shoes and my socks!”

One of the many reasons why my kids think I’m strange.

I’ve done worse - I’ve put the TV remote control in the fridge a few times.

Once I was making myself a snack of leftover spaghetti with a glass of OJ – only I decided to omit the glass and poured the OJ directly into the spaghetti.

Ah HA! Beat this - I bought an [expensive] ice cream once - threw the ice cream in the bin and kept the wrapper.

I once called Mensa to see about reupping my membership and left the following message: “Hi, my name is Scarlett and I’d like to rejoin. I was a member back in 19xx – do I need to resubmit my qualifying scores or do you have them on record? I would appreciate it if you could send me the appropriate information. Thanks very much! Goodbye.” Apparently I was expecting them to send it via psychic vibrations.

Hey, at least I probably gave the folks in the office a good laugh that day. (I realized my goof about .005 seconds after I hung up, and was too embarrassed to call back. :p)

did anybody know that Burger King sandwiches are wrapped in foil? I didn’t. Until the one I put in the nuke (still in the bag, I had to answer a phone call and by the time I was able to eat it had cooled).

Pretty fireworks.

I finally put out the fire and the burger was fine.

My mom just did this on Turkey Day–spooning off the turkey fat into a can, which is fine unless you’re using the can from the cranberry sauce that has a HOLE in the bottom of it (to alleviate the air pressure and get the sauce to slide out).
Also, when you go to the pool, it helps to remember your bathing suit.

Remember to bring it or to put it on?

oooh…the bathing suit story! I was in a hurry once to meet a friend, so I grabbed my blue bathing suit from my drawer and ran out the door. I then biked 5km to her place, walked another 10 or so to the pool, get to the lockerroom, look into my bag…I had grabbed a blue nightgown. I swear it was the same colour as my bathing suit, so it wasnt such a stupid mistake, but I was SO embarrassed! Lucky for me, the pool was closing earlier than we had thought, and we’d concluded that it wasn’t worth the trouble, so my friend never found out that I didnt even have my suit!

I just remembered a time in kindergarten…I don’t know why, but for gym class we all (boys and girls) got changed in the classroom, at our desks. Except that one day I apparently hadn’t put on any underwear, and I was stumped as to how to get my pants off and my shorts on without anyone noticing my bare ass. One boy next to me noticed, too, I’m sure of it, but for once in his life didn’t say a word. Either that, or I blocked it out of my memory. Fodder for the shrink, that!

Bring it. Although I did stand around naked in the locker room rummaging for it in my tote bag.

And one from my childhood: To use the bathroom, pull dress up, pull panties down. Only completing the first step of the equation leads to embarassment.

what is a “tote bag” I work in a ‘tote room’ so It stuck out from your post.

The other day, my mom forgot to turn off the oven. Hehehehe…she’s always bugging me if I forget any little thing, so it was pretty funny.

And then she had the nerve to get mad at me when I left the chocolate pie out over night. Hey Mom-at least that won’t cause a fire!

And thus the BK Smokehouse Cheddar was discovered…

One time a wasted most of a bottle of mouthwash because I was distracted and thought it was soap. After pouring it over my hands five times because it just wasn’t lathering I caught on.

I’ve also offerd to let someone use my cell phone, reached into my pocket pulled it out handed it to them. She got the strangest look on her face as she tried to figure why I was carrying around my tv remote.(It has the exact same shape as my phone, and some times I accidently grab it instead if I’m in a hurry)

Once several years ago when my mother borrowed my car, she couldn’t get it to start. So she calls AAA. The guy comes out eventually, looks in the car, puts it in park, and starts the car.

Boy did she feel stupid. Don’t do that.

When making Jello shooters, remember that alcohol has a much lower freezing point than water. Hence, shooters consisting of 70% vodka and 30% water will not Jelloify.
And it tastes nasty when you drink it.