Reprise of weird ass songs

In My Humble Opinion
1

I know it’s been done before, but I feel like starting a topic, so crawl off.

Okay, here’s my newest vote-Barenaked Ladies’ “Tonight Is The Night I Fell Asleep At The Wheel”, from their newest album, Maroon. A song about a guy driving home to be with his girlfriend, who falls asleep and flips his car, killing himself in the process. Oh, we’ve heard all about this death song stuff before, you’re saying. Old hat, Flyp my boy. What makes this particular song so weird, you ask?

It’s set to circus music.
I shit thou not. Check it out, if you get the chance. Hell, check out most of the album. There’s another one on there, called “Go Home”, with lyrical gems like the following:

If you think of her as Joan of Arc,
She’s burning for you, get your car out of park,
If you think of her as Catherine the Great,
Then you should be the horse to help her meet her fate.

How can you not like these guys?

2

My current favorite music, and it frightens most people, is punk covers of famous songs of the past 4 decades.

Hearing Brown Eyed Girl, Leaving on a JetPlane, Foxy Lady, Land Down Under, Still the One, Lean on Me (the punk version of which I danced my first dance with my new wife to at our wedding), and many others gets me going for the day and pumps me full of energy!!!

Of course, life seems slow and pedantic when compared to punk covers. I want punk covers of life events. Such as the punk rendition of waiting in the damn lineup … the punk cover of stupid people on the road … etc.

3

Reprise of weird ass songs, eh? BNL’s record label is Reprise Records. Coincidental use? I think not. :wink:

4

Lazarus7, you are obviously a person of great taste!
Are you, by any chance, a fan of The Dickies?

5

"I had a dog named Fido that I liked very much,
I used to spend all my dough on puppy cakes and such—
Our family learned to love him, to our hearts he was endeared;
But now we’ve gone in mourning, for poor Fido’s disappeared!

But I won’t look all over, the way they did for Rover,
'Cause I know just where little Fido’s gone, poor dog!
He’s in a place below where all the naughty doggies go—
Down, down, down, where there isn’t any snow!
Though his hair was short and his tail was long,
I miss that little devil somehow (bow! wow!)
But he won’t get cold feet, at that:
There’s ‘Too Much Mustard’ where he’s at—
Fido is a hot dog now!"

—Anyone up for verse two?

6

Sing in a twangy Hee Haw-type voice:

“Lee Harvey was a friend of mine…
He used to take me fishin’ all the tiiiiime…
He used to throw the ball to me
When I was just a kid…
They say he shot the President…
But I don’t thiiiiiink he did!”

I actually heard this on Cowboy Joe’s Radio Ranch (WKCR-FM, New York) a few years ago; my eyes popped and my jaw fell into my lap, and I shushed everyone in the vicinity so I could remember as much of it as possible. Unfortunately, all that remains to me is the above refrain.

7

Alright, Ike, I see your “Lee Harvey Oswald was a friend of mine,” and I raise you:

“I’ve got a bimbo down on the bamboo isle;
She’s waiting there for me, beneath a bamboo tree—
Believe me, she’s go the other bimbos beat a mile.
She dances gaily, daily; she’d be a hit with Barnum-Bailey!
I’ll build a bungalow on the bamboo isle—
'Cause when I go again, I’ll stay awhile!
I’ve seen wrecks—plenty of wrecks—out on the deep blue sea,
But by heck, there never was a wreck like the wreck she made of me—
For all she wore was a great big Zulu smile;
My little bimbo down on the bamboo isle!”

8

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmokay…here’s a little tune that was quite the hit for both Louis Prima and the Andrews Sisters…
Each morning, a missionary advertises neon sign
He tells the native population that civilization is fine
And three educated savages holler from a bamboo tree
That civilization is the thing for me to see

But bongo bongo bongo I don’t want to leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingle bangle bungle I’m so happy in the jungle, I refuse to go
Don’t want no bright lights false teeth doorbells landlords, I make it clear
That no matter how they coax me, I’ll stay right here.

I look through a magazine that the missionary’s wife conceal
I see how people who are civilized bung you with automobile
At the movies that they have got to pay many coconuts to see
Uncivilized pictures that the newsreel takes of me

So bongo bongo bongo I don’t want to leave the Congo, oh no no no no no
Bingle bangle bungle I’m so happy in the jungle, I refuse to go
Don’t want no penthouse bathtub streetcar taxi, noise in my ear
So no matter how they coax me, I’ll stay right here.

They have things like the atomic bomb
So I think I’ll stay where I om.
Civilization…
I’ll stay right here!

9

Did you know the writer of “Civilization” just died this week? Strewth: http://www.latimes.com/obituary/20001004/t000094357.html

[rolling up her sleeves and clearing her throat]:

“Nobody loves a fairy when she’s forty,
Nobody loves a fairy when she’s old.
You may still ‘ave your magic powers, but that is not enough—
They like their bit of magic from a younger piece o’ fluff.
When you can’t cast a spell without it skidding,
And a fairy tale for years you 'aven’t told—
Your fairy days are ending when your wand has started bending;
No one loves a fairy when she’s old!”

10

“Spontaneous human combustion.
POOF! There goes another one.
A raging fire,
a funeral pyre,
an unexpected cremation.”

11

[Unapologetically pushing Robot outta the way, tapping her foot impatiently and waiting for Ike to top me]

12

I have always felt that CAKE are the kings of “weird ass songs” With such lyrics as:

A sample of “Mr. Mastadon’s Farm”:

"You see,
Birds fall from the window ledge above mine,
Then they flap their wings at the last minute.

You can see their dead weight,
Just falling like stones,
or small loaves of bread."

A sample of “Comanche”:

"You need to straighten your posture,
And suck in your gut.
You need to pull back your shoulders,
And tighten your butt.

Come Comanche, comanche, comanche,
Come oh!"

They even sing a song about Jesus writing a blank check. I mean, they have some pretty crazy songs. So those of you who are pretty familiar with CAKE’s work, who agrees that CAKE can write some pretty “weird ass songs” (no, I’m not asking you to say they are the best, even though I think they are :wink: )

13

Just hand me my old Martin
For soon I will be startin’
Back to dear old Charleston, far away
Since Roosevelt’s been re-elected
We’ll not be neglected
We’ve got Franklin D. Roosevelt back again!

Back again
Back again
We’ve got Franklin D. Roosevelt back again
Since Roosevelt’s been elected
Moonshine liquor’s been corrected
We’ve got legal wine, whiskey, beer, and gin!

I’ll take a drink of brandy
And let myself be handy
Good old times are comin’ back again (hallelujah!)
You can laugh and tell a joke
You can dance and drink and smoke
We’ve got Franklin D. Roosevelt back again!

Back again
Back again
We’ve got Franklin D. Roosevelt back again
We’ll have money in our jeans
We can travel with the Queen
We’ve got Franklin D. Roosevelt back again!

No more bread lines, I’m glad to say
The Donkey won election day
No more standin’ in the blowin’ snow and rain
He’s got things in full sway
We’re all workin’ and gettin’ our pay
We’ve got Franklin D. Roosevelt back again!

Back again
Back again
We’ve got Franklin D. Roosevelt back again
Since Roosevelt’s been elected
Moonshine liquor’s been corrected
We’ve got Franklin D. Roosevelt back again!

14

(unapologetically pushing my way right back in, Eve)

from “Rosanna Arquette” by Andrew Ratchin

"There was Pia,
Pia Zadora,
she danced the hora with my cousin, they were nude.

And even better,
there was Paulina
Porizkova and Jane Jetson wrapped in food."

15

Oh, so you’re edgin’ up to the 1930s, eh? Well, just to prove that I know these modern songs, too, here’s a little pip from WWII:

"Life was OK at the laundry; life was so calm and serene.
Life was tres gay till that unlucky day I happened to read that magazine.
Why did I read that advertisment where it said, ‘since I rhumba, Jim thinks I’m sublime?’
Why, oh, why did I ever try?
When I didn’t have the talent—I didn’t have the money—and teacher did not have the time?

Arthur Murray tauight me dancin’ in a hurry.
I had a week to spare; he showed me the groundwork; the walkin’ around work—
And told me to take it from there.

Arthur Murray then advised me not to worry.
‘It would turn out alright’—to my of thinkin’ my dance was stinkin’,
I don’t know my left from my right!

The people around me can all sing ‘ah-one and ah-two and ah-three.’
But any resemblence to waltzing is just coincidental with me!

Arthur Murray tauight me dancin’ in a hurry.
Maybe the stars were wrong—if I ain’t a menace to Ruth St. Denis,
I’ll do until one comes along!

My tango resembles a two-step; my rhumba makes people turn pale.
My conga goes into a goose-step till the FBI is doggin’ my trail!

‘Cause Arthur Murray tauight me dancin’ in a hurry.
And so I take a chance; to me it resembles the nine-day trembles
But he guarantees it’s a dance!

[interlude while Eve does her Betty Hutton dance impression]

Jitterbug, bunny-hug, ‘long as you cut a rug,
Walk the dog, do the clog, cheek-to-cheek till you’re weak,
Do the hop, do the bop, don’t know which, don’t know what—
You’ve heard of Pavlova? Well, jack, move ova’—
Make way for the queen of the dance!

16

Well, if it’s punk covers of classic songs, mention must be made of Husker Du’s take on Eight Miles High by the Byrds. Not weird. Rather good actually.

Weirdness itself comes in different flavors. There’s truly weird, in which case older stuff by The Residents, or Killdozer, or Neutral Milk Hotel, or Negativland, etc. will suffice nicely.

Then there’s novelty, Dr. Demento style stuff which is weird solely for the purpose of being weird or funny. Dead Milkmen, Young Fresh Fellows, etc.
“When she get’s home at night,
she takes off her pants.
That’s what I like
about Amy Grant…”

17

You’d never think arithmetic
Was something you’d enjoy,
But when it’s done a certain way
It’s fun for ev’ry girl and boy:

(Chorus)
One-zy, Two-zy, I’ll kiss you-zy,
Two-zy, three-zy, you kiss me-zy;
Three-zy, four-zy, kiss some more-zy;
Let’s start counting higher.
Four-zy, five-zy, let’s get 'live-zy;
Five-zy, six-zy, hug me quick-zy,
Six-zy, sev’n-zy, this is heav’n-zy;
My heart’s on a flyer.
Keep the numbers going 'till the songs is done;
Love will keep on growing, And we’ll have lots of fun.
Sev’n-zy, eight-zy, you’re my date-zy;
Eight-zy, nine-zy, ain’t this fine-zy?
Nine-zy, ten-zy, start again-zy
One-zy, Two-zy, I love you-zy.

18

So many, many good ones… here’s “My Husband Was a Weatherman.”

My husband was a weather man,
He was right all the time.
He knew when there’d be snow in Toledo,
Or freezing rain in Niagara Falls.

My husband was a weather man,
The seventh son of a seventh son,
On a first name basis with that old groundhog.
Yes he was, he was the one.

He had a reputation
As the master of prognostication,
But it wasn’t just the weather that he’d know,
Oh no…

He’d let me know when we got up
Just how our day would go,
“This morning we’ll have fun,
and then in the afternoon
we’ll have a little argument;
But hey, don’t worry, you’ll win.”

I knew, when he would tell me what would be
It was to save me from frustration.
He’d say “Honey, let’s eat out.
Tonight you’ll overcook that trout,
I phoned ahead for reservations.”

My life no longer seemed my own.
He knew more about me than me.
He’d say “Honey, not tonight,
You won’t climax (oh no), and
We’ll only have a fight!”

I could not take it anymore;
I packed my bags and at the door
I said I didn’t want to know
How every minute of my life would go.
“I’ll miss you but I’m goin’ away,”
He said, “Hey, don’t worry - you’ll be back.”

19

“Oh, the Intergalactic Laxative will get you from here to there
Relieve you, and believe me, without a worry or care
If shitting is your problem when you’re out there in the stars
Then the Intergalactic Laxative will get you from here to Mars!”
-Donovan