Request from The Order of Matchka

In a previous post, members of the SDMB were made privy to news of the impending 20-year fascist dictatorship, led by Matchka, to replace the current governing body of the United States.

Part of the sweeping reforms includes repairs to our out-dated and murky legal infrastructure.

To this end, T.O.M. would request all readers of the SDMB to review this article.

Matchka understands that the victims have a valid point in prosecuting a manufacturer’s, vendor’s and parent’s criminal negligence in failing to identify a probable “copy-cat” crime-inspiring medium, especially when said medium is offered for the consumption of cerebrally-underdeveloped minors in concert with easy access to lethal firearms. However, as censorship and firearms ownership are clearly (in the absence of politically-motivated obfuscation) addressed by the Constitution of the US, removal of these kinds of product from the free marketplace is not an option to be entertained, let alone debated by salaried administrators of our judiciary system. Matchka, hereby, correctly asserts that the only meaningful way to avoid infringements upon the rights of innocent citizens by those influenced by the above-referenced media is to cause a significant physical separation of groups who maintain a desire to obtain said media and/or become so influenced from those who wish no potential contact. As it is arguably unconstitutional to remove such products from the demand of the populace, Matchka, correctly, asserts that a geographical locale should be set apart inside of which the inhabitants may choose to provide NO demand for the consumption of such media.

In an effort to provide a tolerant and non-persecutionatory atmosphere in the new regime, readers are requested to provide suggestions for geographical regions legally obtainable by the United States in which to settle such individuals. As the relocation will be mandated by T.O.M. all reasonable expenses incurred from said relocation will be absorbed by T.O.M.

Citizens of the US will have 9 ½ weeks from the date of the official Media Relocation Decree (date pending) during which to file for relocation under protection of T.O.M. Claims for sanctuary in the resulting geographic region made after that date will be subject to review by what ever heinous bureaucracy arises from within the region to maintain its own protection. In any case, T.O.M. will allow no responsibility to be born by any party for any expenses or losses pertaining directly or indirectly to the use or misuse of firearms as the result of coincidental mishandling of “copy-cat” crime-inspiring media pursuant to the closure of the 9 ½ week window.

Matchka has posted.

***Matchka acknowledges this to be a tongue-in-cheek serial rant aimed at individuals who seek excessive damages from unlikely parties in relation to justifiable claims of victimization.

***Matchka asserts that he in no way minimizes the personal injury incurred by victims of the physical violence described in the linked article.

***Matchka denies any assertions as to the validity of claims to overthrow the duly elected leadership of the United States of America or any of its constitutionally describesd infrastructure.

***In fact, Matchka denies malicious and hostile undertones perceived in ANY of his posts, and apologizes most obsequiously for any perception of and distress caused by any perception of such undertones, and further accepts all responsibility for any offense believed to have been felt by readers who may have inadvertly misunderstood ANY of Matchka’s posts, clearly as the result of his insensitivity or lack of eloquence.

You’re saying that in your New World Order, you’ll mandate a video-game-free area for folks who are sick and tired of living with the constant temptation to re-enact moves from video games?

Great idea. How about Jefferson County, Colorado?

And dibs on the position of First Assistant Coffeemaker in your heinous bureaucracy.

[begins jostling for position at the trough]