Sunbeam Camacho Noname Maddox was born up a goddamned mountain in California to people who are marginally more connected to the world than the comatose. This particular individual was born when Ursa Minor was low over the southern sky, because their parents are absolutely brilliant sparks of human ingenuity, and therefore was “about four” for a couple years, and “five-ish” until they weren’t, and…
Eventually, they escaped, got a serious shave and some asymmetric glasses, and finger-counted their way into a birth certificate. At that point, they were legally 18. They then became economically and sexually active, doing all the things Californian adults can legally do which Californian children cannot and you see where I’m going with this.
One day, some new evidence came to light (man), and their age got revised. Downwards. On day one they’re 19, on day two they’re three years in the county jail. Yes, they’re a parent. Yes, they occasionally drink alcohol. Yes, they’ve voted. Yes, they had children outside wedlock.
Does anyone get to have a seat over there? Is anyone’s liquor license in danger? Did anyone get all of my references?