Reversal of the door-to-door salesman rant

The BBQ Pit
21

I was a direct email marketer for a stint, or what some of you might call a “spammer”.

It really pissed me off to have email filters delete my messages, especially if I haven’t even said that I’m a salesman. All I get out is "XXHUWHUDUHDHU DO YOU NEED GENERIC V * I * A G R A…" when said person presses the Delete button and slams the door. Now, I could’ve been saying something completely different, but you’ll never know that, will you? Maybe, my spiel was “Actually, My name is Dr. Dhjibouti from Nigeria, and if you just help me move millions out of the country, I’ll give you $10 million. Just send me your bank information and it’ll be all set.” But no, you aren’t interested. At least let me tell you the reason I’m emailing you before you decide that finishing that round of Freecell is more important than actually interacting with another human being, albeit virtually. If you aren’t interested in anything I could possibly be selling, click the Unsubscribe link. It would save both of us a bunch of time and I promise I really mean it when I say “You’ve been unsubscribed”, even though everyone thinks it means “Now I know that your email is working, the spam will never end!” But, if you feel that you don’t want to buy it, don’t send angry emails to me or, worse, write your Congressman trying to get it banned. I am not the plague. If you allow me to speak, I don’t have the persuasive abilities of God. It is significantly more rude to delete my email, write your Congressman, and try and get an innocent Joe put out of business. For all I know, you DO want SEXY SLUTS GONE WILD ON WEBCAMS!!!

Also, we aren’t stupid. When half my mailing list says that your email address works (the nature of the product I sold is such that it is for ANYONE ON THE INTERNET), then I will certainly think that it does, especially if you accidentally surfed to my site and got cookies because of a different email. Don’t delete my email and say that you don’t like porn or want your children to see porn, especially in front of one. Lying is never good. You are teaching that kid you say is your grandson a valuable lesson. Don’t lie, unless it’s to a salesman or spammer. They’re not people. You can say anything you want as long as it gets them away from your house or out of your Inbox. Won’t someone think of the children?

Now, this next thing may not be true of others, but I’m pretty sure I can’t read minds. When you say “Unsubscribe me”, I know you think that means “Please sign me up to every mailing list you have”. Don’t get offended when your bluff is called. To say no to me, click “Unsubscribe.” Don’t say “I’m busy right now,” “I have company,” “I don’t want my kids to see porn,” or “my wife handles that” and expect me not to come back. Again, don’t waste my time. Once I know you aren’t interested, I may actually take your email address off my list.

At least treat us with respect. We are human beings. When you say “I’ve been really sick, and that picture of a girl with a horse made me vomit,” don’t think I don’t know that EVERYONE likes that. Why else do you get porn spam?

Jeez.

22

OK, if it’s the cute neighborhood kiddies selling crap, I’ll buy. Fine. But if you’re pushing religion, vaccums, insurance- whatever. Fucko-offo. I ain’t opening the door, and if I do it’s with my Rottie trying to push his way through the very thin screen between you and I. I don’t recommend sticking around to see how long it takes for him to get through.

Unless, of course, you’re hottie little mormon boys- all 19 or 20, dressed up in suits and never been kissed. Then I’ll invite you in and show you my dungeon. YUM!! :wink:

23

Sorry, I just found this sequence VERY amusing. :slight_smile:

24

Apparently, the Pit rules specifically prohibit wishing death on someone.

Ergo, please allow me to take this opportunity to suggest that door-to-door salespersons, telemarketers, e-mail spammers, Jehova’s witnesses and the like should be very careful NOT to accidentally jump in front of a speeding bus.

-FK

25

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I ASK the person on the doorstop if they’re a salesperson, before they can go into their whole spiel, I don’t want to waste my time if they are. If they hem and haw, or say yes. I say “no thanks” and then shut the door.

A vast majority of people aren’t going to want to stand there and listen to some long spiel.

And as for scholarships? I’ve never heard of one being given away door to door.

“Hi, I’m a college student…” IS however the opening line for a huge number of sales calls. So being annoyed at people for interrupting you and saying “no thanks” is kind of silly.

At best they’re saving you time so you can go on to your next “client” (after all you ARE selling something right? you aren’t giving away anything?), at worst they’re annoyed and, rightly, take it out on you by being blunt and shutting the door in your face.

After all, you invaded THEIR privacy with unwanted solicitation, not the other way around.

26

As someone who owns a pair of the same breed of dog (How ya doin’ Bad News? Haven’t heard from you in a while… Pups doin’ alright?), I must share this dog vs. salesman story.

Random sales guy knocks on my door. I have construction fabric on all my screen doors to prevent my little dogzillas from head-butting right through it to taste the random sales guys who knock on my door (they prefer roofers, but sales guys and anyone delivering food run a close second). In this particular instance, I bent down to pick up the dog before I answered the door. At that exact moment, the dog jumped up, pawing at the door. The top of her rock-hard head slammed into my bottom lip. I opened the door with blood pouring down my face, as my precious angel had just split my lip open.

The random sales guy started into his speech… I interrupted to ask if he minded if I just said I wasn’t interested because I was suddenly far more interested in NOT bleeding all over my dog, the carpet and my shirt. He apologized and went on his way. I put the dog down and cleaned up my face.

So yeah, if you hear dogzillas barking… kindly move on to the next house. You have no idea what trouble you might find yourself in… when you are invading that dog’s territory.

27

GMRyujin, It’s not like I’m inviting you to buy porn if I came to your door. If you have some beef with the computer spam industry, take it out on them. The two are hardly analogous. If I read you correctly, your main beef with advertising is persistence. Did I ever say that I would continue to bother you if you said no? NO! I’d thank you for your time and leave. Why would I want to spend more time with someone after I know they won’t buy? That would be quite stupid. I’m just asking people to know what they are saying no to. Is it too much to ask to let you have the opportunity to say no to a product? You don’t even know what you’re rejecting.

Ca3799, my gut reaction is to say that if salesmen cause you that much heartache, isn’t a sign worth three bucks? :slight_smile:

Ethilrist, thank you. You will never see me come to your door if you have the sign out front. I was tempted, though, to go to some houses with “No Peddlers” signs because I wasn’t, technically, a peddler. (Peddlers have their good with them, whereas soliciters don’t.) My better judgement took hold, though, especially because of the “Beware of the Doberman” signs.

It is unfortunate that so many door-to-door salesmen have given y’all such bad experiences. They aren’t all alike, though.

At any rate, some of the things you said are reasons why I was a salesman instead of am. I wasn’t willing to be annoyingly persistent/bother people before 9:00/go to houses with the signs out front/argue with you about your need for the product/other such things.

28

OK, this right here is at the heart of what I perceive to be a huge problem with the shotgun marketers. Why should I have to expend effort and resources to not be bothered in my own home? Haven’t enough people over the years made it abundantly clear that the vast majority of us feel as if the default setting should be to not knock on our doors, send us mail, call us, etc. Unless you have a pre-established relationship with us?

Believe me, if I want vinyl siding, to give to greenpeace, a bigger dick, or to see hot schoolgirl sluts with burning dead farm animals, I will go out and shop. No need to bug me.

29

Okay I’ll chime in. I used to be a very polite, no thank you kind of person.

Then I had my baby.

When she is sleeping I curse all bell-ringers. This includes solicitors, peddlers, Jehovah Witnesses, Mormons and my neighbor, crazy Helen. You see, when you ring the bell the dog goes nuts and wakes her up.

The other time I hate them is when I am nursing. Yes, I realize you can see me sitting here with a blanket over part of my chest. I am not ignoring you.

I am held hostage by nipple.

Go away.

30

Just had to share this:

My mother has Alzheimer’s Disease, and now lives with me. I never thought I’d see the day when AD had any beneficial side-effects, but there is one. You see, she 1) has always been the gregarious sort, but now is separated from her old friends and 2) she cannot ever remember that she actually lives here now.

So door-to-door salesmen are no longer a hassle here. Mom loves to hurry to answer the door, and happily listens to all sorts of sales pitches and solicitations and religious sale-pitches and anything else. She’s honestly interested, and asks them questions and all. (For those fortunate enough not to know already, AD patients can retain ‘social skills’ long after their memories are too impaired to function normally in other ways.)

But then when it’s time to close the sale, she says, “I’m sorry. I’m only visiting here for a couple of days, so I can’t buy your whatzit.” Or “I have to support my own community’s charities.” Or, “I’ll have to ask my pastor about what you’ve said.”

All perfectly polite and social, and in her mind, the truth, which I’m sure comes across clearly to the poor saleman who has just wasted 15 minutes or even longer.

At best they then ask about ‘one of the people who do live here’ – but she cheerfully tells them her parents are out. Which, given that her parents would clearly have to be 100 or more years old, leaves the salemen non-plussed.

She does this deny anyone else is home regardless of whether we are or not, but again, she’s not lying. In her mind, if someone is not in her immediate sight, they aren’t there.

So, I’ve come to consider these d-2-d people a boon: they give Mom a chance to have a pleasant chitchat to break up the day!:smiley:

31

Jonmarzie, does it occur to you that some people just don’t care what you’re selling ? It doesn’t matter how great the deal is or how good a bargain it is, it’s going to be rejected anyway. Why wouldn’t you prefer to not have your time wasted, so you can move on to someone who may consider buying your products ?

I truly don’t care what I’m rejecting. I disagree with door-to-door sales, telemarketing and unsolicited commercial email. That doesn’t mean I’m rude to you, but it does mean I won’t ever buy anything from you, no matter what the product. I will not encourage something I disagree with. So why should I waste my time listening to you and your time going through your spiel, when I am not going to buy from you under any realistic circumstances, at all ? Because you, the person who disturbed me in my own home, thinks I should ? I think not. :dubious:

32

If you do it by television, radio, or anything else that I volunteer for knowing in front that I’ll be having the opportunity to say no to a product, then no, it’s not too much to ask.

Otherwise, yes, it fucking well is.

33

You know what? Screw you. I will slam the door in your face in the middle of your pitch. I will not listen to your spiel. I will be rude. And I see no reason why I should treat you with the slightest bit of respect.

You’re bothering me. I don’t want you there. I don’t give a flying fuck about your feelings. If that bothers you, you shouldn’t have come.

And I’ll take the huge risk that I might be missing out of a big wad of free money. I don’t think I’ll lose any sleep over it.

34

You’re hiring yourself as human junkmail. Why do you expect to be treated any different?

35

Thanks for being civil in your second post, but your failure to be put off by the barrage of uniformly negative responses indicates you’re a born salesman. Maybe you should pursue sales as a career.

Just stay off my property, please.

36

Well, it’s clear you purchased a defective or very low quality sign, probably by one of our fly-by-night competitors. I assure you, sir, that our “No Soliciting” sign is of the finest virgin Polyesterstyroethelpropylene and carefully hand-painted for maximum performance.

May I come in?

We even have a no-fault full-money-back guarantee! If you are bothered by any nonilliterate solicitor, peddler, beggar, panhandler or uncookied girl scout in the next thirty days, we’ll cheerfully refund your money…

37

Ah, here’s the problem. - I don’t want you to say “thank you for my time”, I want you to leave it the hell alone. My time is mine, to be used as I see fit, and you’re appropriating it by insisting that unwanted commercial interaction should go by the same rules as social interaction.

Yes, it is too much. I have a life. You are intruding on it. Stop it.

And I do not know, neither do I care what I’m rejecting. I am not buying.

38

You make your living by taking advantage of the fact that many people have difficulty saying “no” and instead will buy some useless crap to get rid of you.

Every day you disturb people and interrupt their lives without compensation. The harm you cause in terms of annoyance and wasted time is far in excess of whatever benefits come from the crap you are peddling.

Look, I don’t blame you for doing what you are doing – you need to make money.

But the reality is that you are disrespecting people and you don’t have much of a right to expect respect from the community.

**

So people lie to get rid of you. That only demonstrates that you are taking advantage of peoples’ reluctance to come straight out and say “no.”

39

When I was very young, I was talked into becoming a Fuller Brush door-to-door salesman. I hadn’t previously known how much people HATE door-to-door salesmen. I hadn’t known how painful absolute rejection could be. I soon realized that I could have been selling solid gold at a nickel a pound and people would still hate me on sight. I dropped that job like a hot rock within a month.

40

You are right that door to door sales is not analagous to spam. What you did was much more irritating. You should have found a job doing something more respectable, like selling speakers out of the back of a white van.

See, pretty much every single person has posted saying you’re an annoying twat and they don’t want you doing business on their property. That didn’t phase you, you kept right on going with your pitch. A normal person would see the response and realize they’re irritating people. You look at it and see some opportunity to still weasel in.

You didn’t really post this lame rant expecting people to see your point, did you? :rolleyes: