Reversal of the door-to-door salesman rant

The BBQ Pit
1

I was a door-to-door salesman for a stint.

It really pissed me off to have the door slammed in my face, especially if I haven’t even said that I’m a salesman. All I get out is “Hello. My name is Jonmarzie, and I’m a college student from Jonmarzie College . . .” when said person says “We’re not interested,” and slams the door. Now, I could’ve been saying something completely different, but you’ll never know that, will you? Maybe, my spiel was " . . . and I’m a ocllege student from Jonmarzie College, and I have decided to drop out, but since I don’t want to waste my scholarship money, I asked the school about it, and they said that I could give the money away to someone else. Now, I know that this sounds strange, but I heard that you have a high-school kid, and if they were going to college, I could give them a lot of money. Would you be interested in that?" But no, you aren’t interested. At least let me tell you the reason I’m at your doorstep before you decide that conversing with another human being isn’t worth tearing yourself away from Dr. Phil for a minute. If you aren’t interested in anything I could possibly be selling, buy a NO SOLICITING sign. It would save both of us a bunch of time. But, if you feel that you don’t want to buy one, don’t come to the door angry that I knocked on it. I am not the plague. If you allow me to speak, I don’t have the persuasive abilities of God. It is significantly more rude to open and close the door while repeating “No! Goodbye!” over and over.

Also, we aren’t stupid. When half of the block says that y’all have multiple kids (the nature of the product I sold is such that it is for school-age kids), then I will certainly think that you do, especially if there are multi-age toys and many bikes in the front yard. Don’t come to the door and say that you don’t have kids, especially in front of one. Lying is never good. You are teaching that kid you say is your grandson :rolleyes: a valuable lesson. Don’t lie, unless it’s to a salesman. They’re not people. You can say anything you want as long as it gets them away from your house.

Now, this next thing may not be true of others, but I’m pretty sure I can’t read minds. When you say “I’m busy,” I’ll assume that you are busy, and I’ll ask for a better time to come back. Don’t get offended when your bluff is called. To say no to me, utter “I’m not interested,” or “No thank you.” Don’t say “I’m busy right now,” “I have company,” or “my wife handles that” and expect me not to come back. Again, don’t waste my time. Once I know you aren’t interested, I won’t bother with you, which is what we both want if you aren’t interested.

At least treat us with respect. We are human beings. When you say “I’ve been really sick, and I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now,” don’t think I didn’t see the other adult walking right behind you. If you didn’t feel like talking to anyone, HAVE THEM ANSWER THE DOOR, MORON! :smack:

Jeez.

2

I’m not interested. ::SLAM::

3

First, I am sorry that you endured such negative experiences. That said, I will pass along a little hint: the vast majority of people do not want random people coming to their door or calling them on the phone trying to sell them crap (as an aside, we don’t like Spam, pop-up ads, spyware of viruses either). While it is not fair that you paid the price for them being annoyed by the 12 other people that came before you, I do understand it.

These marketing strategies that rely on a huge scattergun approach to net a few sales really just serve to annoy most people. Sorry, but there it is.

4

No, really. I’m not interested. I don’t care what you are selling, I don’t care what your cause is, I don’t care what religion you are pushing. I am an American, which means I am bombarded daily with solicitations of every kind in every possible medium. If I want to buy something, I know where to get it. If I want to contribute to a charitable cause that I find important, I know where to find them. As for the evagelism, the less said, the better.

I won’t slam the door in your face. I will, however, sit on the couch in front of the window and ignore you until you go away.

Get a real job.

5

Also, a NO SOLICITING sign does not work. I had one outside my door for several years. I had at LEAST the same number of people randomly bothering me trying to sell me stuff, and they always looked surprised when I’d point the sign out to them just before I slammed the door in their face. (One notable creep actually started screaming at me – I was grateful for the stout security door that day!)

I work at home. This is my office. GO AWAY. If I wanted what you were selling or thought I needed it, I WOULD GO LOOKING FOR IT MYSELF. I do NOT need some in-my-face spammer interrupting me. GO AWAY.

6

I’ll slam the door in your face without guilt.

I’m probably busy with one of those school aged children you heard about. I’m making them lunch, or putting one down for a nap or bandaging an owie.

I only answered the door because it could have been a friend or neighbor. Once I discover that it’s not, all I want to do is get rid of you as soon as possible.

SLAM!

7

Don’t knowingly take a job that you know annoys people then complain when people are annoyed.

8

I agree you’re human, and you don’t deserve to be treated badly, but can you honestly blame people for being irritated? You tricked them into thinking there was something going on that was important enough for you to actually come to their door and ring their bell. Then they answer to find you standing there trying to sell them something they don’t want. Have you ever seen Glengarry Glenn Ross? Picture yourself in the Jack Lemmon role. See why people slammed the door in your face?

9

Our neighborhood has a notice that soliciting is not allowed here. A lot of good that does. I had the Baptists and the Mormons coming to my door within an hour of each other. Lucky for me, my computer faces the road and I can see who’s coming to my door. And I can sit here and let the dog bark her head off and not answer. And I can watch them go away.

This is the first place we’ve lived that this is an issue - yet another reason I’ll be glad to get out of here.

10

No offense, but I’m not even going to answer the door if you come to it. See, I don’t trust strange men on my doorstep and I’m not going to open the door to someone I don’t know, even if you are in a suit with a briefcase. So even if you see my car in the driveway and happen to catch a glimpse of me through the window, do not ring the door continuously for fifteen minutes or I will call the police (yes, this has happened). Some of us have had events in our lives that prompt terror when someone strange is on our doorstep.

In the meantime, get another job. As someone else said, very few people are going to buy anything from a door-to-door salesman.

Ava

11

I hate door to door salesmen more than I do telemarketers.

Telemarketers do not, IMO, invade my sense of privacy. They are probably in Ohio making phone calls for all I know.

YOU however, have come to my home. How do I know you aren’t someone casing the joint? How do I know you aren’t some random pervert?

YOU have greatly bothered me. I had to get dressed to answer the door, in the case it might be the UPS man or my neighbor. You got my dogs all riled up!

And that scenario you gave, about donating a scholarship?
yeah right! When has that EVER happened?

12

I once had a thought of posting on my front door something like this:

I thought it would be fun to bankrupt the Ecclesial Church of the Ivory Tower and Latter Day Muffins.

13

Yeah, sorry. If you come to my door, you’d better be someone I know, delivering something I ordered, or informing me of an emergency that requires my attention. My home is my sanctuary. This is where I go to get away from people that I do not know who are trying to sell me something.

14

I, myself, have a No Soliciting sign which fails several times a year. Some people have been in denial as to the fact that they were soliciting. So I put up another sign with the definition on it. There were still some people who didn’t get it. I’m not rude to them (it’s not like they keyed my car, for christ’s sake), but I’ll listen to what they have to say and then point to the signs, then close the door.

15

Yea, you know, there was a time when I might’ve actually listened to your spiel, but consider this: On an average day, I get 30 pieces of unsolicited Spam email all doing the same thing as you. I get 5 telemarketer calls a day, at least, all doing the same thing as you. When I turn on the TV, I get bombarded with ads for things I don’t want. These ads may annoy or offend me. And then some fucker comes to the door and bothers me to buy magazines or some other useless crap which I don’t want, then inevitably cops an attitude with me when I say, no, I don’t want any magazines, I don’t read the ones I get. The worst are the fuckers that try to shake your hands and be all friendly: fuck off, you’re not wanted. As an American, I am bombarded with commercial messages constantly. People stick shit on my car telling me to join AAA or eat at Joes. People dump hordes of junkmail into my mailbox offering me all kinds of shady “deals”. The radio is full of ads and so is the TV. Chances are, I’ve heard of your stupid product. I don’t need some schmuck knocking on my door trying to pitch me something I don’t need and don’t want. And they all wanna argue. “Oh, c’mon, you can get pizza for cheap”. “But you need cable!” “Uh, i have it”. “C’mon, look at all these magazines”. No, thank you, I’m not going to dig into my checkbook while you have a clear view into my place.

But the really sad part is, some assholes think I should have to fortify my apartment. Why the hell should I have to sign up to no-call lists, unsubscribe from mailing lists, and put up signs on my door (which the complex wouldn’t let us do anyway) to keep salesfuckers away from me? Why is it MY job to keep YOUR crap out of my face instead of YOU keeping it out of my face?

So yea, I’m not sorry I don’t listen politely to your rap and say “Prithee, good sir, wouldest thou likest a lemonade to quench they thirst? I am dreadfully sorry that I will not be purchasing your fine product today, but perhaps if you will come back every few hours, my need will arise. Let me show you out and walk you to the next house.” Cause I’m sick of you and all your bloodsucking marketing kin. Fuck off.

16

Don’t knock on my door either. Why should I have to waste my three bucks to get a sign to keep YOU away. Keep off my property. Moron.

17

Jonmarzie, you would love me. I’ll come to the door, listen to your pitch and then apologize for not wanting your product and send you on your way. I’ll be personable and friendly. My girlfriend says I am way too nice.

I definitely don’t blame other people for being pissed off at you. But I try to be at least reasonable, both face-to-face, and on the phone. shrug

The people who really annoy me are the ones who ring my doorbell at 8 in the morning on a Saturday. You could be bleeding on the front deck. I ain’t getting up to save your ass. :slight_smile:

18

Oooh and the one’s that really slay me “I’m Joe from XYZ institute of learning and I’m trying to earn a scholarship/vacation/kidney and if you can just help me out with one of my last two whooziwhatsits that’d be so great!”

Joe ain’t earning shit if I’m paying for it, now is he???

Wanna earn money, I’ll point your happy little collegiate ass toward my lawnmower or snowshovel or gutters or flowerbed. These are services I gladly pay for, I need the extra time to spend in front of the computer deleting all the spam!

19

Someone needs to link to Wang-Ka’s classic story. Not me though, I’m too lazy. And… uh… oh yeah:

“Thanks but I’m not interested!”

20

I am usually nice to salespeople if they will stop their their pitch right away when I say that I’m not interested. But if they continue, then I invite them in and lock them in a my basement with the rats for a couple of days and sell them water when they’re thirsty.

:slight_smile: