So my ex-husband is Japanese. Born, raised there. Came here solely to marry me. Long story short, it didn’t work out and he’s back in Japan. But one of the reasons it didn’t work out is the RIDICULOUS things he fights over. I just got fresh out of a fight triggered by me saying I was surprised there were no Dairy Queens in Japan, since there’s other fast food places there and I know they like ice cream a lot there. Apparently that’s me assuming America is the world. Other things he’s gotten pissed over.
[ul]
[li]Me spending $1 on a soda[/li][li]Me commenting that I liked a Hyundai car (Korean)[/li][li]Me commenting casually about his accent (that was a HUGE fight)[/li][li]Spending more than $20 on our child’s Christmas[/li][li]Telling him it was a bad idea to pour an entire box of instant potatoes down the drain followed by hot water[/li][li]Me not thanking him profusely every time he decides to send $100 for child support[/li][li]Me not plating his food for him and cutting up his meat for him when we were married.[/li][li]Anything WW2 related though…understandably that’s a sore subject[/li][li]Not letting him take a ‘day off’ from his daughter during his once a year visit to go gambling[/li][/ul]
Needless to say, he’s…a joy to talk with. Always walking on eggshells wondering what’s going to set him off next. It’s ridiculous and the reason our marriage only lasted 3 months. Just felt the need to vent over this lol
Here are the rules of Japanese fight club:
[ol]
[li]Japan is the best.[/li][li]You are wrong.[/li][li]Japanese people have the longest colons. It’s a documented medical fact.*[/li][/ol]
- Actually not a documented medical fact, but are you trying to start a fight or something?
Kind of unusual. Japanese men are not all that noted for going after non-Japanese women for marriage. Did you guys hook up online?
Also it’s kind of well known how Japanese women are expected to be somewhat deferential to their husbands, much more so than in the US. What were your expectations?
**HMS Irruncible ** lol number 2 is pretty much how he feels with everything I say. He refuses to believe anything at all I say unless he can get someone else to agree with me.
And yeah astro we met online. He was specifically seeking out an American woman, and when we were dating he was not at ALL like this. So while I had an idea of what an ‘ideal Japanese wife’ was, I assumed that since he was looking for American women, he wanted something different.
You’re lucky to be shed of this babyman. I’ve known some great Japanese guys but they are outliers.
Don’t. Talk. To. Him. Any. More.
Lol I wish it were that easy. He’s childish enough if I stop talking to him he’ll completely cut our daughter out of his life and make sure his mother wouldn’t contact us anymore either. She’s too young to understand why and it would break her heart. She idolizes him for some odd reason.
Why would you want to expose your daughter to that? Why not set an example for your daughter and stop “walking on eggshells” around the guy?
and secondary question, why would you have a child with someone you were only married to for 3 months?
AngelSoft, I’m sorry your ex is such a shithead, but that line item made me crack right up. I’m just picturing a giant mound of mashed potatoes rising slowly out of the sink, blurp blurp blurp (and the poor plumber who’d have to snake a gallon of potato out of your sink trap!)
Spammy, I’d venture a guess that when an egg and sperm unite, they don’t particularly care if their respective gonads of origin are carried around in compatible meatsacks or not.
That’s an odd question. Lots of women get pregnant during their first 3 months of marriage.
Because she has the right to figure out how she feels about who he really is when she grows up. I’m not cutting her off from him just because he’s an immature asshole. When we fight it’s not yelling or violent. Mostly him bitching and moping and holding a grudge for hours.
Even better. The spuds didn’t start to fluff up right away. They made their way further down the pipes before they did. Delayed enough that he was able to smugly say I told you so. Then the sink started backing up. Luckily my dad had the tools to fix it but he had a hell of a time doing so.
[quote=“AngelSoft, post:1, topic:757637”]
[li]Telling him it was a bad idea to pour an entire box of instant potatoes down the drain followed by hot water[/li][/quote]
Now that’s just funny. With my personality I would just let him do it and then when he bragged afterwards that it worked I would act all humble and apologize. And then when the potatoes hit the fan I’d laugh my ass off for days. That’s a story you can tell for the rest of your life.
[quote]
[li]Me not thanking him profusely every time he decides to send $100 for child support[/li][/QUOTE]
How does child support work in your situation? If you guys were only married for 3 months I’m guessing there wasn’t enough time for him to become a citizen and so I’m thinking the courts have no jurisdiction to force him to pay, that and being in another country might muddle things up.
Canonical list of people that my Japanese spouse believes before she believes me:
[ul]
[li]Her mom[/li][li]A Japanese person[/li][li]The internet[/li][li]An Asian person[/li][li]An Asian person’s mom[/li][li]A magazine[/li][li]Oprah’s Magazine[/li][li]Anyone wearing a name tag[/li][li]Oprah[/li][li]A wealthy person[/li][li]A person on our street who drives a car with a similar make/model like unto that which wealthy people drive.[/li][li]I could go on.[/li][/ul]
I understand how frequently this comes up as a marriage and parenting dispute, and believe me, I’m on your side. But from experience, August is not the best time to press this matter.
My husband is Japanese, but since he’s gay he’s somewhat atypical. Nevertheless, he never tires of saying how anything Japanese is best, and anything good was invented by Japanese people. Any inconvenient fact that contradicts his point of view is cheerfully ignored or contradicted by bald unsupported assertions.
Also (while we’re complaining about Japanese spouses) he spends 95% of his time speaking Japanese to friends or watching Japanese TV (we pay extra to have TVJapan on our cable). So although he has lived here for around 45 years, his accent is still often impenetrable, even to me (and I’m used to it). Also he has no idea how boring these TV programs are for me, who can’t read Japanese hardly at all (and only very slowly) and can only understand maybe 10% of the spoken dialog. But when I wander off to do something else, he complains that we don’t spend time together. Oh, and his relatives keep nagging him to come back to Japan to live, and they don’t seem to think my wishes in the matter are of the least importance, even though we have been together for 24 years and the know we are married.
Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, our relationship is fine.
Thank you for simultaneously validating my peeves yet making me feel that I’ve got it better than most.
Nobody’s going to run with the long Japanese colon thing? Really?
Well I’m glad to hear that it might be a cultural thing that he refuses to believe me on anything lol I know a lot of our problems were cultural but a lot were him being an asshole too. As for the colon thing, I honestly can see him arguing that point.
As an aside, I got an offline message from him saying that I was wildly isolated to the world outside of America and that he’s telling me that America isn’t the world and that I’m wrong about America being the greatest (which I’ve never said), because SOMEONE needs to do it. But that clearly I wasn’t able to understand that .
The Japanese are dear wonderful people, but outside of their national and cultural knowledge, their opinions are basically worthless. It’s neither malevolence nor stupidity, just insularity. I believe - and I think the demographics will back me up - that scarcely few people, not even Japanese women, want to marry a Japanese man.
Take your winnings and depart. Let your daughter think of her father as a kindly uncle, a relation who may love her but will probably never give her anything of any value. And you should move on.
I hate to be that person, but…why’d you marry him?