A moderator suggested I move this thread from the Pit to GQ due to the question of what rights the next of kin has in these instances.
My FIL died in a tragic accident. Within 24-48 hours we were notified that she had already had the body cremated.
Having no idea how the FIL girlfriend managed to have the man cremated and scattered (against our wishes) we requested the death certificate which has arrived.
The girlfriend put herself down as “wife” and “next of kin”. These are lies and even if she claims common law wife, it must be proven and a medical examiner has an obligation to verify this information. The woman had a different last name and yet, no one asked her for any proof and released the body directly to her.
I am still appalled at the entire situation and my husband fully intends to name her in any law suit he can possible bring against the medical examiner that completed this fraudulent legal document.
Can anyone claim to be next of kin and collect a body with no proof required? Maybe we have a medical examiner as a member who can explain how this could happen.
IANAME
The same sort of thing happened when my son died. His father remarried after he left home, but she identified herself as his mother to both the MEs office, and the police investigator. When I complained, the investigator asked if I’d like her arrested. (I didn’t)
That said, suing the ME may be difficult.
My son’s body was released to the funeral home where his father and I had agreed on, so that wasn’t an issue after the step monster was put in her place.
Sorry, I’m not much help.
I’m sorry for your loss, the situation makes it harder to come to terms with his death. Good luck with whatever you and your family choose. Anger is a normal part of grief, but having a such a divisive situation makes it so much harder.
Thanks for an interesting question. I will be surprised if there is a law requiring the ME to establish a documented relationship for NOK if there is no reason to suspect fraud. I wonder if a Funeral Director might also have some expertise here. In the Emergency Department, where I spent most of my career, we had many significant end-of-life conversations with NOK and I never recall even thinking to ask for ID. Perhaps I was very fortunate not to have been caught in such a situation.
I am guessing, but am ignorant of any law, that the GF in question can be held liable, but not anyone else who was acting in good faith…the term shameless hussy comes to mind.
[QUOTE=picunurse]
IANAME
The same sort of thing happened when my son died. His father remarried after he left home, but she identified herself as his mother to both the MEs office, and the police investigator. When I complained, the investigator asked if I’d like her arrested. (I didn’t)
That said, suing the ME may be difficult.
QUOTE]
I am very sorry for the loss of your child. It surprises me that I am not the only one this has happened to. If another person on the message board had the experience, I wonder how many more? As far as having her arrested, we would certainly do that if the DA wants to press charges. The fraud she committed was intentional and I wish there was a way to not only punish her but make sure this never happens to another family.
no, you are not the only one this has happened to.
there is a case here in the philly area where a man died at the wtc on 11 sept. his father who last saw him as a baby (perhaps) jumped in and tried to claim all sorts of things as next of kin. his mother (who lives in the philly area) is dealing with all sorts of legal stuff having his claims denied. the mother was listed on all his official stuff as n.o.k… the son was in his early 20’s.
you would think there would be some sort of procedure.
Yes and I can’t believe that there is not. In the instances above at least these people were related! The woman wasn’t even a second cousin twice removed. She was his girlfriend! The police notified HER not us because she had the same address and said she was his wife. We found out 12 hours later from a neighbor who thought to ask for his son’s phone number. Apparently she was far too upset to think about notifying his family. I was thinking this would be a great way to get away with murder. Do it so it looks like an accident, claim to be a spouse and have the body burned before any one can question it. Of course if they suspected foul play, the wouldn’t have cremated him so fast but hey, if something comes up down the line…oh well. No evidence.
I doubt there is anyone to sue regarding this incident but I will be pushing the issue to try and get some regulations for this sort of thing. Grief has me driven to seek an end to these types of betrayals and loss of the right to closure.
It’s an aweful thing that you and your family have had to go through, Foxy40.
Unfortunately, I don’t see how a truly comprehensive system would work. When my parents eventually die (may that be years and years away), how would I, as an offspring, prove that they are my parents and I’m the next of kin? My birth certificate lists Mom-TOC and Dad-TOC as my parents, but how do I prove that the deceased are THAT Mom-TOC and Dad-TOC? I know that there are other people out there with the same name. Or what if I die single, without children, and after my parents. How does my sibling prove they are NOK. Or my great-aunt and uncle, who will eventually be buried by their nephews.
When it comes time for estates to be settled, there is plenty of time for people to dig out birth certificates, marriage licenses and to find witnesses. I’ve got no idea how to set up a system to do that when immediate decisions must be made.