I guess I can try with some examples. Sticking with James and the Giant Peach, here are some thoughts I had:
I guess I can try. Sticking with James and the Giant Peach, here are three that seem superfluous:
They gaped. They screamed. They started to run.
Who had been dancing wildly round the deck during this song
You know very well I’m blind, snapped the Earthworm. There’s no need to rub it in
And here a couple that I think could have been handled better:
In another minute, this mammoth fruit was as round and large and fat as Aunt Sponge herself, and probably just as heavy
instead of being removed, could have been changed to
In another minute, this mammoth fruit was as big as Aunt Sponge herself, and probably heavier than most people
A few women screamed. Others knelt down on the side-walks and began praying aloud. Strong men turned to one another and said things like, I guess this is it, Joe, and Good-bye, everybody, good-bye
didn’t need to removed to remove the gender roles. It could just have been changed to
A few people screamed. Others knelt down on the sidewalks and began praying aloud. Still others turned to one another and said things like, “I guess this is it, Jo*,” and “Goodbye, everybody, goodbye!”
I guess the idea is to make them not seem so scared of the peach. And maybe to remove the idea of screaming, which they seem to take issue with?
*Jo is more gender neutral with minimal changes.