That would be true if he hadn’t stated that he want’s kids, hell he wants more kids than I do. He want’s to be a father and I am not under any assumption that this was not on the to-do list, it has just been moved up on the to-do list.
So far I have taken the advice of just leaving things be for a few days. I avoided the subject last night but he did say something that gave me pause. He was talking about wanting to go wall climbing again and I listed off some friends of ours that would love to go climbing with him, and I added on the end of the list that I could go as well. Then he said with this smirk “Maybe, but maybe they won’t let you.”
(bolding mine)
:eek:
No matter how this situation turns out, please promise that you will never ever use this method again and call it “birth control”. It’s not… what it is, to put it bluntly, is playing russian roulette with your reproductive plans. Sperm will live in your body for several days and despite what they taught you in sex ed, ovulation doesn’t always happen right in at the mid-point of the menstrual cycle. Hell, these days they know that women can sometimes ovulate multiple times in one cycle. There will be more “surprises” in your future if this is your long-term birth control plan.
If you’re serious about staying off the pill, using condoms less often and don’t want kids, then you need to get actively involved with your reproductive process by measuring and tracking the different ways your body tells you it’s getting ready to send another egg down the chute - it will reduce risk of pregnancy from 5-9% to under 3%… that’s more or less on par with condoms.
I’d suggest reading up on Fertility Awareness techniques and seeing whether these will work for you. The added benefit is that if and when you decide that you DO want to get pregnant, you can use the same method in reverse, since what you’re actually doing is keep tabs on when your body is most fertile.
Hmm, you’re not painting a particularly sympathetic picture of your husband at the moment.
Having talked a bit with my husband about this, I am really at a loss as to how you found yourself in this position.
[ul]
[li]Want kids later? Use (more) reliable birth control (but be prepared for failure).[/li]
[li]Not bothered about kids now? Play free and easy with the birth control and whatever happens, happens.[/li][/ul]
You seem to have picked something in between, and are now having to figure out how to deal with it.
If I am being honest here, after telling my husband about this, he was all set to take your husband out back and kick some sense into him. I might cheer him on. Just a little bit. Sorry.
Since you are from Canada and health care is not an issue, I think you should knock your husband upside the head with a frying pan.
Or give him a few days and see if he changes his mind.
Ah, sorry, to clarify that I meant it in relation to previous suggestions to give him time to get over the first reaction. As in, a few days, a week, not just ignore it and it’ll go away. I’m not sure how soon the decision has to be made, but my impression is that a week wouldn’t change things much, and I think having a week to think about it (without feeling pressured) would help defuse the situation a bit.
Oh, I agree with you there - certainly this isn’t one-sided. I tend to lean more towards the status-quo (given that they’d talked about not having kids right now), but that’s hardly the only factor at play. If I spoke more to the husband’s POV, it’s because I feel previous posters have covered the arguments for keeping the baby quite well.
This is a rough issue, because ideally neither person should have veto, but it’s a choice that affects both parties in a pretty big way, no matter what the final decision is.
Depending on the outcome of this situation, this question might be moot, but did you try any other pills? I don’t know a great deal about them, but I was under the impression that there are many different pills to choose from, and not all of them affect a particular person in the same way. It sucks if you’re feeling side effects while trying to find the right one, but it’s certainly an option.
You’re right, I totally misunderstood you there. Yes, a week probably isn’t a problem to wait out (though now it sounds like she’s probably a couple of months along, so I wouldn’t let it go much longer than that). And it would give him a chance to get his head together.
I think we’re actually in complete agreement. 
I don’t know that there’s a right or good answer to something like this - if a couple in this situation can’t come to a mutual agreement they’re both happy with, then both parties, no matter what, are being wronged in some important way.
Do you think his unhappiness might be because you used condoms every time this last month?
Perhaps he’s wondering if this child is his? Men (and women for that matter) oftentimes don’t have a very good idea on how fertility and pregnancy work.
There are many different pills available, and they do have different side effects. Here’s a site with information on which pills might be better or worse for which side effects (of course, this can all vary between people).
Agreed.
{{{Ludy}}}
I too think he’s being rather weird and unreasonable. Actually to the point of forfeitting his rights over this child. If you want it, then I’d say he has no right to tell you to abort it - not after using the rhythm method and talking about wanting kids… If he bails out then so be it, but I do hope this is just a panic reaction and he’ll come round. Be strong!
I’ve been thinking about you a lot over the past few days and am wondering how you are, if you don’t mind giving us an update?
I’ve been thinking about this too. Don’t mean to pry, but it would be nice to see what happened.
Bump.
I’ve been lurking since this thread was started and I’d like to hear back from the OP, too. Ludy, how’re you doing?
I’m going to chime in with pretty much everyone else. Give your husband time. I’m sure the mention of abortion was part of the initial “Oh shit” moment. I would imagine everyone has them. Heck, I had the same reaction when Mrs. Magill became pregnant with Fang… and he was planned. (Needless to say, though, I kept my fool mouth shut.)
QFT.
My advice: If you still want a career, and it is quite possible to have both kids and a rewarding career, start looking for good day care centers now. Yes it is quite possible to have both. It is hard work, but it worth it.
Good luck to you both.
With our daughter, I finally confirmed I was pregnant and told Ivylad, rather tearfully, since it wasn’t the most convenient time for us to have another baby.
He turned away from me for a few seconds, then turned back around, hugged me, and said, “I’m going to be a daddy again!”
I confirmed some years later that he needed a few minutes to compose himself, and I shall always be grateful to him for that.
Some thoughts very quickly…
- I would second all the thoughts here saying that don’t just assume you will get pregnant when you are ready… its not like buying a car that way (we have been trying for two years after losing one to miscarriage and having one child)
- Something that nobody has brought up yet. The reason for waiting is to enjoy life first, well I actually prefer the opposite route, I want kids, but would rather get them raised, educated and out of the house while I still have the energy to travel and enjoy later in life. I don’t relish the thought of trying to deal with rebellious teenagers when I am in my mid fifties and looking to slow down at work and maybe use my financial security to travel and have toys
- If you wait until you are ready then it will never happen - there will always be something that will stop you until you are just too old. There is never a good time
- I suspect the abortion mention from hubby was just an “oh fuck” moment as he was blindsided
Oh, honey. That’s tough, tough, tough. Sending very good thoughts your way.
Likewise. When my husband and I first starting dating, we talked about it, and I made it clear that while I am not opposed to abortion, I couldn’t imagine ever having one myself, unless it was for pretty major health reasons. And I’m a godless heathen.
Ludy - Do you have any update?
StG