I watched this on disc yesterday for the first time since seeing it in the cinema (or “theatre”, as some prefer to style it) when it first came out. I’m still wondering what all the fuss is about, and I still find that I fancy the plain frumpy one more than the blonde tarty one.
Watching on VCD brought home the fact that in football parlance this was a film of two halves. The first half was interesting and the second half was rubbish. Melodramatic, predictable and boring. Even the director, super Sam, seemed to recognise this, resorting more and more to aerial shots and droney Kevin Spacey voiceovers.
Particular gripes include in no particular order “The Two Jims”, the poofs next door - and, cunningly, just two doors down from the homosexual homophobe (even more cunning, that plot twist - I mean, to have a homophobe who turns out to be homosexual). Of course both Jim and, er, Jim, besides sharing the same name, also share other totally unpredictable qualities. They’re both incredibly handsome (even my heart went a-flutter when they first brought round the flowers); which reminds me that they’re both incredibly generous and neighbourly, as well as being incredibly artistic. (I’m assuming they arranged the flowers themselves - perhaps while out power-jogging, or whatever they call it.) And then they both hold down incredibly high-paying jobs (careers, I suppose I should call them), one as a tax attorney and the other I’m afraid I didn’t catch, as I was barfing into the nearest receptacle, which unhappily for its occupants turned out to be the hamster cage.
Then, there’s the afore-mentioned gay-bashing ex Marine, who’s taken a bit too literally Captain William Jones’s words about enjoying the fellowship of a few good men. Finally, there’s the wife who falls for a two-bit salesman with eyebrows that are modelled on a Finnish ski-jumper who’s just launched himself off the runway and assumed the legs akimbo position. “The secret of my success is looking successful even when things are going tough” passes for pillow talk from the man with the Donald Trump hairdo, after he’s put the wife into a position owing less to the Kama Sutra than the Suomi Ski-jumping Manual. Meanwhile, the wife’s best efforts to regain a more ladylike posture (the old-fashioned ski-jumping position, if you like) are stymied by those eyebrows. “I am a victim. Oh God! Make me your victim”, she breathes, as she reaches down for his gun. Or something like that.
But no, I remember now - the homophobic homo did it. And the moral is…quit moralising and you might make a better picture.