Role models

In My Humble Opinion
1

I feel like society puts a lot of stock in role models. Celebrities, family members, people that for whatever reason you want to be like.

The other day I was asked to write a list of the people I admire most. Here they are:

-My paternal grandmother. Because she raised three children and supported them after being widowed, got herself out of abject poverty and through nursing school, and broke rules that needed to be broken. She gave a lot of people who couldn’t necessarily afford it the medicine they needed. The family misses her fierce.

-My maternal grandparents. Because they’ve been through good and bad in 50+ years of marriage, strove to make things better for their daughters, and have served as the unifier of that side of the family. They have served their country, communities, and family with grace and dignity that is simply uncommon.

-My girlfriend. Because I’ve never known a truer heart. Because she puts up with me, is the strongest woman I know, and is much more than a quiet girl.

I don’t really like the idea of role models on general principle. It implies that a role model should be someone noble, someone higher than everyone else. I feel like it should be something different, something more realistic.

I want a role model who screws up specacularly and learns from it, thinks, loves to fuck, is sensible about life, has a great sense of humor, and is passionate. Someone who cries once and awhile, sings even when people might hear, and appreciates everyday things.

These are sort of people I tend to admire. You?

2

There is one person who is my role model. He has many flaws and many admirable qualities, but overall, he is a person that contains all the properties I seek to emulate. That person would be
ME
I honestly wish for a world where nobody has the slightest desire to model their person after any other person. People should be what they ARE.

3

Point taken. However, I think that “being who you are” is often confused with being static. People are and should be malleable to a degree, and role models can serve to illuminate to a person exactly what they might want to grow into.

Of course, it’s also important to distinguish degree. I want to be patient like my best friend. I certainly don’t want to be exactly like her.

4

Having spent a great deal of my life preventing the development of a personality in myself, I find it highly productive to observe others. I don’t know what I AM; so being what I AM sounds to me like just doing whatever comes to mind. That last phrase strikes of irresponsibility: “Oh, I’ll just go through life developing habits and carrying out actions without regard for who I’ll turn into”.

YOU control the development of you psyche (to a degree). You decide who you will be. If you coast through life, the environment will chose for you. Control your stimulus, choose your response. “Who I AM” may not be the best that you could be… If who I AM is an inconsiderate fool, it’s time I reviewed my programming selections.

Certainly though, beware of idolizing someone and trying to be just like them. It’s not a sign of intelligence on your part. However, studying others can help you see your own flaws… that being the first step in correcting them.

In summation: Be YOU. But make sure YOU are worth being.

[I’m very sorry if any of this sounded acidic or scathing. No attack is intended. Please, don’t take any personal affront. If I’ve been unclear or offensive, let me know… I’ll try to re-explicate.]
I admit, there are a few people for whom I have a great deal of respect; one, even, that I’ve brought myself to admit that I may even admire. In the case of this last, though, great effort has been taken to ensure a game of follow-the-leader did not develop. This effort has at times been counter-productive; getting in the way of communication and ease. Nonetheless, it was required to provide assurance that this was not a case of blind admiration and personality-plagiarism.
In the end, the presence ofthis role model has been very good for me. I have learned much, and have been witness and subject to numerous other positive effects.

Learn from your role models; don’t become them.

5

Having a role model has always seemed a strange concept. I have found role models in specific situations, generally those I found dealt with a particular situation in a way I felt it wise to emulate.

I pay very little attention to “celebrities” of any sort. Being “what you are” only works if you’re really happy with it.

6

My role model is my mom. I think that’s okay, because being my role model is part of her job, right? I don’t want to be exactly like her, but when I look at myself and think about how I could be a better person, I always look to mom’s example first.

When I said “better person,” please don’t take that to mean that I think I’m a bad person now. I meant better in the sense of growth. Perhaps I should say “trying to be more of a person.” I like to think that I will never stop growing and developing, so I see this as a positive thing.

I could sing Mom’s praises all day. She’s spectacular in a quiet way. No big dramatic stories, but she’s the most compassionate, thoughtful, humorous, and classy person I know. When I was home a few weeks ago, I was flipping around the radio stations in the car, and was amazed to hear my mom on the radio, reading the news. Since my mother does not work in broadcasting of any sort, this was suprising to say the least. I went in the house, demanding to know what exactly she was doing on the radio (it was a taped broadcast). It turns out that the station is for blind people, and she volunteers to read novels, the newspaper, and magazines several hours a week. She’s been doing this for years, and never told anyone! She’s 56, works full time, takes ballroom dance lessons, travels, walks/jogs 3 miles every day, belongs to several social and athletic clubs, and finds time to do this reading. She also has a circuit of elderly neighbors whom she visits each week, and assists them with their errands. This list makes her sound a little frenetic, but she’s a fan of down time, too. I’ve heard her say “I’m tempted to do more, but it’s important to keep time for myself, for contemplation and rejuvenation.”

Before having us kids, she was a high school teacher for several years. There have been many times when I have given my name (we have an unusual last name) and the person taking my reservation, or the eye doctor, or the real estate agent has launched into long stories about how my mom stands out as the best teacher they ever had.

I don’t think I’m unnaturally obsessed with my mother. I use her wisdom as a guide as I plan my own life, but it’s still my life. Maybe the best example she sets is that she is always herself, and she taught me at an early age “to thine own self, be true.”