Rooney Pwns Orlando With One Touch

Here is an example of why the American soccer game has trouble on the world stage.

This is from today’s DC United v. Orlando City SC game. The scorer is Wayne Rooney, a washed-up has-been from the English Premier League. The whole sequence is a bit comical.

Yes, goals like this get scored outside of America. But I find it exemplary of the level of play one sees in MLS. Sadly.

Jeez. What was that goalie doing playing that far up anyway? It’s not like they were down and trying to catch up at the very end.

I saw Thierry Henry play for the Red Bulls a few times during his washed-up has-been era in the MLS. He was always easily the best player on the field. His touches were perfect, passes perfect. He would make a perfect pass to a teammate who would screw up the touch and lose possession. Henry would give do a little wave or something, taking the blame. “Sorry for passing the ball to you as if you knew how to play” is probably what he was thinking. He was a wonder to watch, but I imagine even more impressive in his prime.

It’s Orlando City. What do you expect?

In just, what, three years, the town has gone from “We have our own team in a major sport! We love them! I’m the greatest Lions fan ever!”, and car magnets everywhere, to “Meh, they suck. What’s on TV?”.

Embarrassing. But Rooney did that even in the Premier League. Albeit the West Ham keeper had a much better excuse for being out of position than Brian Rowe did. I’ve been on the other end of one of those—at a much, much lower level of soccer, obviously—and it is utterly mortifying.

According to the Sun, the DC United goal was the third one like that that Rooney’s had in his career. I don’t know who Man. U. was playing when Rooney hit the first one.

Aston Villa (#8): Top 10 Half Field Goals - YouTube

Those types of goals are rate, but they’re not remotely unheard of even in the top leagues.

Thanks, I knew it had to be somewhere on youtube.

My favorites in that genre, are when the keeper scores them. I thought it was Rene Higuita for this howler against Poland, but it was Neco Martinez. Seems like the sort of thing Higuita would’ve tried to do when he was the Colombian national team keeper.

I guess it happens more frequently than you’d think, judging by this video of 20 long range goals scored by keepers.

This was basically about what I was going to say. Our soccer teams have no business being as bad as they are (ESPECIALLY THE PRIDE!!) and OC has just gone downhill since year one. Remember when we had that huge undefeated-at-home streak? Lol.

(Also, did you ever see that UCF video a student made about a person with amnesia waking up in Orlando? He learned we have pro soccer and asked “are they good?” and the response was “I don’t know.” Hilariously true at the time)

I remember a teammate scoring a little like this in high school, but interestingly enough it wasn’t from a turnover like that, it was after a clearance by the other team and he received the ball with effectively every player on our attacking half still. But since the big thing in high school then was offside traps, by the time the ball got back out to the half line, the defenders had pushed up well beyond the goal. Our defender took a mighty swing at the ball to send it back into the attacking end, and it got carried by the wind much further than intended, eventually bouncing over the keeper’s head and into the net.