Royal Wedding Outrages

The royal wedding is almost upon us. So, what’s the most outrageous stunt the royal couple could pull in front of the world’s assembled cameras?

  • Have Kate fit William with a golden prince albert during the exchanging of the rings ceremony?
  • Put queenie and prince Charlie in a headlock until they both agree to abdicate?
  • Arrive for the ceremony dressed-up as gestapo or in bondage gear?
  • Consumate the marriage on the roof of the royal carriage as it trundles down whitehall?

Prince William looks a bit like a posh version of one of my cousins, so I don’t find it difficult to imagine any of these.

“Do you, William, take–”

(extremely loud amplified fart broadcast round the world.)

Well, you can’t blame a groom for being nervous on his wedding day, could happen to anyone with an amplified bottom.

Kate is short for … Bob

Bring his mother to the ceremony.

Too soon?

I don’t think it should be done for real but that would be a good CGI trick. The people making the video could leave a seat up front empty and put a ghostly image of Diana in it just sitting there crying. The key thing would be for no one there to acknowledge her on anyone to ever mention it.

He’s probably got one already to try and out do cousin Zaras tongue piercing.

She’ll out live him (fingers crossed) if not she’ll beat him easily.

Ahh leave that to Harry :eek:

Leave that to Harry too :smiley:

Prince Phillip claims droit de signeur. (leers at Kate and reminds her he’s Greek nobility)

Kate could admit that she used to be a man :slight_smile:

That’s so very creepy. I did attend a wedding (my brother’s) where the bride’s father had recently (the week before) died and one seat in the first row was left emtpy and draped in a black cloth.

I was going to suggest putting a wedding cock ring on him since he’s not going to wear a traditional one. Also they could have the BBC air live coverage of William & Kate consumating the marriage in the presence of government ministers. Or they could just go nude during the ceremony.

Kate could interupt ceremony to talk about her imaginary childhood friend. “Raggedy Man, I remember you, and you are LATE FOR MY WEDDING.” Cue sound of TARDIS arriving.

It depends on what papers you read. Some will report the whole thing as an outrage - taxpayers, outdated traditions, why should we care, &c.

Then you have the situation where, if Kate moonwalked down the aisle wearing a lycra boob tube and hot pants with BARELY REGAL emblazoned in Rhinestones across her arse, replica outfits would be on sale within the week, and there would be a new fad of Asbo-Fabulous weddings across the country.

Work in the phrase, “One ring to rule them all, and in the darkness, bind them.”

Have the clergyman do the ceremony like Peter Cook: “Mawwiage…”

Have the DJ make everyone do the chicken dance. Or the Macarena.

Let the couple drive off in a monster truck.

  • Sacrifice a baby seal to our dark lord Satan on the altar of Westminter abbey. Using cricket bats.
  • Hold the assembled heads of states hostage at gunpoint, until they agree to the reinstatement of the empire.
  • Perform a full enactment of 50 versions of the aristocrats joke.
  • Hire Charlie Sheen to give one of the speeches.