Royal Wedding Outrages

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

The royal wedding is almost upon us. So, what’s the most outrageous stunt the royal couple could pull in front of the world’s assembled cameras?

  • Have Kate fit William with a golden prince albert during the exchanging of the rings ceremony?
  • Put queenie and prince Charlie in a headlock until they both agree to abdicate?
  • Arrive for the ceremony dressed-up as gestapo or in bondage gear?
  • Consumate the marriage on the roof of the royal carriage as it trundles down whitehall?

Prince William looks a bit like a posh version of one of my cousins, so I don’t find it difficult to imagine any of these.

#2

“Do you, William, take–”

(extremely loud amplified fart broadcast round the world.)

#3

Well, you can’t blame a groom for being nervous on his wedding day, could happen to anyone with an amplified bottom.

#4

Kate is short for … Bob

#5

Bring his mother to the ceremony.

Too soon?

#6

I don’t think it should be done for real but that would be a good CGI trick. The people making the video could leave a seat up front empty and put a ghostly image of Diana in it just sitting there crying. The key thing would be for no one there to acknowledge her on anyone to ever mention it.

#7

He’s probably got one already to try and out do cousin Zaras tongue piercing.

She’ll out live him (fingers crossed) if not she’ll beat him easily.

Ahh leave that to Harry :eek:

Leave that to Harry too :smiley:

#8

Prince Phillip claims droit de signeur. (leers at Kate and reminds her he’s Greek nobility)

#9

Kate could admit that she used to be a man :slight_smile:

#10

That’s so very creepy. I did attend a wedding (my brother’s) where the bride’s father had recently (the week before) died and one seat in the first row was left emtpy and draped in a black cloth.

I was going to suggest putting a wedding cock ring on him since he’s not going to wear a traditional one. Also they could have the BBC air live coverage of William & Kate consumating the marriage in the presence of government ministers. Or they could just go nude during the ceremony.

#11

Kate could interupt ceremony to talk about her imaginary childhood friend. “Raggedy Man, I remember you, and you are LATE FOR MY WEDDING.” Cue sound of TARDIS arriving.

#12

It depends on what papers you read. Some will report the whole thing as an outrage - taxpayers, outdated traditions, why should we care, &c.

Then you have the situation where, if Kate moonwalked down the aisle wearing a lycra boob tube and hot pants with BARELY REGAL emblazoned in Rhinestones across her arse, replica outfits would be on sale within the week, and there would be a new fad of Asbo-Fabulous weddings across the country.

#13

Work in the phrase, “One ring to rule them all, and in the darkness, bind them.”

Have the clergyman do the ceremony like Peter Cook: “Mawwiage…”

Have the DJ make everyone do the chicken dance. Or the Macarena.

Let the couple drive off in a monster truck.

#14
  • Sacrifice a baby seal to our dark lord Satan on the altar of Westminter abbey. Using cricket bats.
  • Hold the assembled heads of states hostage at gunpoint, until they agree to the reinstatement of the empire.
  • Perform a full enactment of 50 versions of the aristocrats joke.
  • Hire Charlie Sheen to give one of the speeches.