Some of you may already know that I am taking the kiddies touring Europe for a month in April. Out of the blue today I had a brain fart.
Should we be learning how to say things in other languages like “Do you have a restroom” or “Which way back to Germany?” (in case we get lost) or “No snails on my liguini please.”?
If so, which languages and what phrases should we learn?
Uh, yes.
Which countries are you visiting? It would behoove you to memorize a few handy phrases in the language of each.
“That one” is good. You’ll never starve as long as you can point and say “That one.”
Don’t bother learning Dutch. The Dutch all speak English, some of um better’n us Americans.
Oh, and how old are the kiddies? Can one of them handle French and another German, while you tackle Italian?
Think of how proud little Buster will be when he’s the man responsible for finding the whole family a john in Bayreuth.
Which languages? Doesn’t that depend on where you’re going?
Short list of useful phrases:
I need a one-way ticket / return ticket to …
Does this train / bus go to …
Do you have any vacancies?
Is there a good hotel / restaurant in this neighborhood?
How much does this cost?
Can I pay with my credit card?
I need a room / table for one / two.
No thank you, I am NOT interested.
Leave me alone!
Stop, thief!
I am not American. I am Irish. (N.B. Even if you are American, it is useful to be able to deny it on occasion.)
Excuse me!
Please / Thank you / Sorry. (If used generously, people will usually let you get away with blue murder. But do not go as far as the French guy I met in Ireland, who felt the need to work at least one of these words into every sentence, at top volume, at quarter to four in the morning. “THE SUN RISE, PLEASE!”)
I’m sure there are more, but those are the ones that spring to mind at the moment.
My parents holidayed in Europe about two years ago. The toured through Germany, Netherlands, France, Belgium, Spain, Italy, Austria, Switzerland etc - the usual package tour trail.
They found that the universal language is English. There was no great disadvantage in not speaking the local dialect.
Whether this is true in Eastern Europe may be entirely different.
These are the Big Eight:
Do you speak English?
I don’t speak (Basque).
Don’t worry, I’m Canadian.
Where is the bathroom?
Fuck off.
Would you like to sleep with me?
Help.
My friends will pay.
(Parlez-vous anglais?
Je ne parles pas français.
Ne vous inquietez pas, je suis canadien.
Où sont les toilettes?
Va te faire enculer chez les grecs.
Veux-tu te coucher avec moi?
Au secours!
Mes amis vont payer.)
(Habla usted inglés?
No hablo español.
No se preocupe, soy canadiense.
Dónde estan los servicios?
Vete a la mierda!
Quieres acostarte conmigo?
Ayudeme!
Mis amigos pagarán.)
(Chu vi parolas la anglan?
Mi ne parolas esperanton.
Ne maltrankvilighu; mi estas kanadano.
Kie estas la necesejo?
Forfikighu!
Chu vi volas kushi kun mi?
Helpu!
Miaj amikoj pagos.)
Diane, it would probably be best to learn a few key phrases in each language. I think the Berlitz pocket phrase books are pretty good, and they usually include a special section on ordering in the restaurant. Really, the big phrases to learn are:
Do you speak English?
Where is the bathroom?
Thank You
Please
You’re Welcome
I would like that/How much is it?
Just don’t assume everybody speaks English…I know that you’re not one to do that, but it bears repeating. It’s just rude. Another hint is to make your littlest child speak the foreign language in his cutest voice. If he can muster an adorable little lisp, so much the better. Old people will eat it up and give him chocolate and ice cream money. After they are out of sight, demand half, kind of a I gave birth to you and you owe me kind of thing. 
Hugging older American and Japanese tourists is also good for candy & change for your enterprising youngster.
Oh, and Ike is right, don’t bother learning Dutch. Even the Dutch don’t speak Dutch anymore. Oh wait, Coldy is still on vacation…no use teasing him. Drats.
Thanks everyone.
FTR - By April, my kids will be 10, 17, and 19 years old. My oldest can speak Spanish and an African language pretty well (he has many friends of different nationalities), although most of what he can say will get him slapped by me if I can ever figure out what he is saying. Whether or not he is capable of learning NORMAL words in another language will be seen.
I don’t have an itinerary figured out yet, but the definites are Germany (where my dad lives), backpacking through part of Italy, Switzerland, Austria, France, Netherlands, hopefully Spain and Greece. We will also spend a little bit of time in my dad’s old neighborhood in England (we’ll be staying with English friends who lived next door to him). I really hope to make it to Ireland while I am there.
I have figured out most of the English language “Moight I 'ave some ale, mum?” and I know at least one word in Irelandishishishish - “shite” :D. I think for the most part we will be okay in that part of Europe. Italy and France I am a little worried about.
I was thinking about checking out some tapes that teach certain phrases and have a family “Learnin’ How Ta Tawk Right Night” at the ol Diane house a few times a week.
Has anyone used these before? Are they good? Bad? Easy? Confusing?
Oh yeah, my youngest is VERY cute (just ask all his girlfriends) and LOVES money and LOVES candy and icecream!
I think he’ll love Europe!