Rudolph the Red-Nosed Mutant

What’s the deal with Rudolph anyway? Where did this freak-of-nature get his hideous red nose? What kind of sick genetic joke was this? Was his nose some kind of bio-luminescent beacon that was meant to attract prey to a new form of carnivorous reindeer? Or could it be that he was a borg-like being that was part biological and part mechanical sent to Earth to assimilate us by numbing the minds of our children with the likes of Playstation and Nintendo?

What gives?

I’ll tell you one thing. If I ever see this biological blunder on my roof, I’m resetting my phaser modulation and frying his ass.

Ummm…did you ever hear the song? Watch the movie? What initially made him different made him useful. Perhaps he was a reindeer of higher evolutionary status, ya ever consider that? Do YOU want your presents delivered safety Christmas morning? Then I suggest you stop questioning the system!

I just couldn’t help but hear Jerry Seinfeld’s voice the entire time I was reading the OP.

He was a department store cartoon/comic book.
Then a Roy Roger’s song. I forget the rest, but old people love this story. Try

Rudolph had rosacea. It’s nothing to laugh about, but now medical treatment is available.

You should be ashamed of yourselves, drawing attention to this embarrassing medical condition.

Rosacea? You gotta be kidding me. Rudolph was so falling-down drunk he couldn’t even play any reindeer games (and reindeer games, I can tell you, barely require a functioning medulla, let alone a cerebellum). In fact, the only game Rudolph ever excelled at was quarters – He and W.C. Fields used to play every Saturday down at Mulligans on O’Cleary Street. Until the cirrhosis got’em both, that is.

Don’t even get me started on those damn elves.


Hey, don’t berate me for questioning the usefulness of Rudolph. I don’t question that. If you want to criticize anyone, you should direct your anger to the other reindeer.
I mean here we have this relatively nice reindeer, however freakish he may be, and how do the other reindeer react? They shun him or when they’re not shunning him they’re laughing at him and calling him names. They won’t let him join in any of their reindeer games, and believe me those games were fun. Jerks. Then what happens on the fateful foggy Christmas Eve? They see that they need the laughing stock, and kiss his ass by telling him how great he is and that they really need him. Then he’s some kind of hero right? I’m sorry, but if I was Rudolph I would have told Santa and the other reindeer to go blow it out their asses.

Hell, his dad didn’t even like him until then. I refer to the OP and still state that I think he has an alterior motive and his nose is used as the means to establish total world domination. So is Rudolph useful? Hell yes he is, but not to Santa. He’s useful to the Reindeer-Borg and I’m not having my way of life jeopordized by some mutant spawn of evil beings from outer space.

I don’t know if you are familiar with Adolph the brown nosed reindeer or not, but he is the one that can go as fast as the others, but can’t stop as fast.

My God, Sangria - have you forgotten where you are?!

I just hope Cecil doesn’t see this. Try bribing UncleBeer to use his new found power to delete your post - quick! :wink:

Roy Rogers, no. Gene Autry, yes.

Check out for a history of the red-nosed wonder. I consider and my two best sources for quality information that is pertinent to my life, tho not necessarily in that order.