We’ve ended up watching a lot of those crime shows on ID. One amusing thing is that often the perpetrator gets caught because s/he tells someone about the crime. So I said, ‘Rule Number One: Don’t tell anyone.’ Rule Number Two is, of course, ‘DON’T TELL ANYONE!’
We come up with other rules from time to time, but neither of us remembers them. So let’s have it: What are the rules for getting away with murder or another serious crime? Maybe we can come up with rankings, too.
Try to plan it such that you have long hair, a beard and a mustache when you commit the crime, and then immediately shave your face and head after making your escape.
Wear a hairnet, face mask, and surgical gloves. Or wear a space suit.
Wipe down the gun AND the ammunition, and GET RID OF IT.
Do your crimes a long way from home. If you do the same crime often, do each repetition in a different police precinct.
Do not publish manifestos in a newspaper.
Kill randomly without motive.
I’m sorry, but Rule Number One is “Don’t get caught.”
That aside, I think it would be better to do the opposite of Mach Tuck. Wear a bald wig over a short, but obviously there, hair style. Maybe have a pencil thin mustache that you cover over with pancake makeup. If you’re possibly going to be identified in the short term, it would be easier to believe you shaved than that you were able to grow your hair back in a day or two.
There have been a couple people who have gotten very lifelike–professional quality–facial masks, sometimes of a different race that they’ve worn during holdups. They apparently pass pretty close inspection. I think it would be most beneficial for a white guy to be identified as a black guy or vice-versa by the witnesses. Here’s a link: http://www.spfxmasks.com/ourmasks.php
and/or in Florida.
I was actually hoping to play on the obvious, since most of the criminals seem to forget the obvious rules.
Oh, here’s one that just came up: If you’re a suspect or out on bond, don’t berate the victim’s family. Especially over the phone, which is probably being recorded.
When committing a robbery wearing monogrammed clothing is a no-no.
Do not sign the ransom note.
Do not write your holdup note on the back of your deposit slip.
Somebody actually did this.
Which reminds me, don’t take a cab home after robbing a bank. Which also has been done.
Don’t think like a criminal. Think like a cop.
Before you commit your crime, learn how the police investigate that crime. Find out what they will be looking for and how they catch criminals like you. And don’t do those things.
Clothes from Target(single color pastel long-sleeve shirts and jeans or chinos), soft-sole shoes from Payless, rubber gloves from the 99 cent store. No jewelry at all. High crime areas are best-the police already have a heavy workload. Wear a ski mask(no pattern) picked up a few weeks before at the Salvation Army or Goodwill, then burn it afterwards. Don’t talk-use a printed note, and take it with you when you leave. if you have to use a gun, find out which one is the most sold in your area and get that one.
Become an Investment Banker.
Be sure your victim isn’t a cute blonde - you’ll be all over the national news…
I’m sorry, is that too cynical of me?
Whatever you do, do NOT jerk off under the stove.
When holding up a bank, do not empty out your gym bag onto the bank floor to make room for the money. Your gym membership card is in there! (yes, another true story)
Kill using a frozen leg of lamb. Then feed murder weapon to the investigating officers.