If you’re picking up your friend or co-worker at 7AM, why bother getting out of the car and going all the way up to their apartment to get them? It’s much better if you just honk a bunch of times. You’ll save energy and the other residents of the apartment will surely come to love the cheery tenor of your fabulous klaxon.
Need to take up some pent up aggression? Just punch through the glass windows surrounding the common door into the building. Coagulated pools of your blood all over the foyer make great conversation pieces and inspire children to become amateur forensic scientists.
Lost your drug needle? It’s probably lying over there in the grass. Unless that gang of noisy kids has passed by recently
If you have a pet, please confine them to a bedroom (or preferably a closet) all day, every day in the off chance a maintainence person needs to enter your apartment while your at work. (This rule was forgotten about after I alerted them to what may otherwise have been a costly water leak.)
It doesn’t matter if you have a parking permit or not. The owners of the apartment make money on every car the towing service tows away and so the apartment is a very tow-friendly place.
That lake in the parking lot? That’s just from the 40,000+ gallon swimming pool we are draining into the parking lot.
We have a guy who DOES get out of the car to pick the guy up. How does he wake up the guy in our complex? Why, by pounding on the door around 7am, shaking the whole fucking wall, and yelling “C’MON, IT’S TIME FOR WORK!”
Be glad the fireworks-shooters haven’t figured out the dry ice-soda bottle with the lid taped shut trick. Done right, it’ll rattle your house to the foundations.
I THINK YOUR RULES SUCK, ANIMIST DRAGON, AND I’ll TELL YOU WHY!!! BECAUSE THEY’RE STUPID AND I DON’T THINK YOU PUT MUCH CONSIDERATION INTO THEM AT ALL!!! ALSO ANIMISM IS BULLSHIT!
I lived in a building with Partyboy (self explanatory), Mr. Medication (the only part of his apartment that had been cleaned in 12 years was the portion of the coffee table where he kept his brain pills), The Dead Guy (looked like Tom Waits after a three day bender), Time-Lapse Girl (she had a 30 second delay before any new information at all could be processed), Fucking Bird Lady (RAAAWK, Polly wanna be roasted!), and Friendly Girl (she was very friendly, at high volume, with a lot of guys (her record was three different guys in one day)).
I could have complained to the property manager, but when he wasn’t drinking in the boiler room (big plastic garbage can full of empty bottles) he was fighting with his wife. The walls were thick enough that you couldn’t hear individual words, just the sound of her yelling and then him yelling. It was like a chihuahua and a St. Bernard barking at each other.
To add a rule: don’t take no for an answer. Just because there is a sign taped to the intercom saying there is no party in apartment 17 and asking you not to hit the buzzer doesn’t mean that there isn’t really a good party going on in apartment 17. Hit the buzzer anyway. When the very angry 300 lb man with a sawed off baseball bat comes to the door, he’ll fill you in on all the details.
If you have friends who visit you at all hours of the day and night, just give them the address. Why bother with your apartment number. Other tenants love meeting new people who ring their doorbells when they are looking for some other tenant.
It’s grea tha you ride a bike. Better for the environment. You don’t have to take it up all the stairs and into your apartment. Just leave it on the stairs when people can trip over it. This also applies to shoes and basketballs.
You guys are scaring me. Mr. avabeth and I are moving into a new apartment in January - I wanted to buy a house, but he doesn’t want one yet. All we want is a quiet place to live.
If your a nasty creepy lonely old guy, remember to turn your classical music cd’s on full volume while you’re watching porn. Everyone loves hearing the moanin’ and groanin’ in between the songs.
For same old guy, remember to open your door with your hand inside your bathrobe and watch any and every woman walk up the stairs, no matter what time of day or night.
If you catch your teenage daughter sleeping with a bunch of guys, make sure your confront her about it loudly and explicit detail so everyone knows about it. Scream even louder when you daugher is sleeping with your boyfriend and you find out!
Make boiled cabbage & sausage several times a week, on the other days, be sure to cook any other number of foul smelling meals.
I’m so glad we bought a house and got lucky with having very good & quiet neighbors.
Dear friends of tenants of my apartment building:
Everyone knows it’s a huge hassle to park one’s car, walk to a door and knock on it. So if you are picking up your friend for work in the morning, go ahead and just sit in your car and honk. In fact, honk enthusiastically & repeatedly…how else are they supposed to hear you? And if your friend doesn’t hear your honking, while a less inteligent person might think that then might be the time to park and go knock, you should know better: just honk more, and for longer periods of time! And don’t worry about all those other hundreds of tenants who might be sleeping because it’s four in the morning: it’s not like you have to live next to them, is it? :rolleyes:
Also, feel free to go ahead and park on the curb in the fire lane while you’re honking. Sure there’s No Parking signs every five feet or so, and sure the curb is painted red, and yeah, so the people you’re parked behind can’t back out if they need to, but you’re only going to be there for twenty, thirty minutes tops! And go ahead and park there when you stop by for a visit, too. No one could possibly have any need to get in or out of their parking spaces at one in the afternoon on a weekend, could they?
And, to the tenants of my apartment complex:
You go right ahead and own as many cars as you need and park as many of them in visitor parking as you like. It’s not like anyone in this vast, multi-complex could ever have visitors, and if they do, they can just park in the fire lane!
kasuo - That’s the same thing my roomate said when I pointed this guy out, hehe.
After last night, I have another one to add.
Frustratingly, the walls are actually too thick for your next door neighbor to hear normal conversation, or even your TV on most nights. Just to let them know that you’re still alive, be sure to slam your kitchen cupboards as loudly as possible while you’re making breakfast. And while you’re at it, drop a pan or two.
Make sure you have at least one brain dead friend who keeps going to the wrong building trying the doorknob of the right apt number (yours), but WRONG building at 2…3…4 am and so on, scaring the person who actually lives there HALF out of their wits when they hear fumbling at their door, and “mumble mumgle…HEY, open up…”!!
If you actually work in the early morning hours, make sure that the person who picks you up for work honks their car horn over and over again until you exit the building and get into the car.
Thankfully I live in a house now also, but I still have trouble with inconsiderate neighbors. Especially during “fishing fever” season. EVERY freaking weekend at 4am, they stand in the driveway yelling to each other as they load up the boat and plan their trip.
And if your friends ring your doorbell and you don’t answer, make sure they know you are always home 24/7 but sometimes don’t hear your doorbell. That way they can pound on the door and scream your name for 15 minutes. And tell them if you do go out, you leave your iteniary with every other tenant, so they can just ask them where you are.
ARtrrrrgggh, this happens at single dwelling homes too. I discovered, shortly after I moved from my apartment building into my new house, that the neighbors adjacent to the back fence in my yard had kids.
Their favorite thing to do after school (when I was usually trying to relax and read or sew), was to bang rocks on the aluminum top rail of our shared fence. The suckiest part was how it echoes over the snowfilled landscape! For some reason (maybe the scientists among us can explain this) it’s MUCH louder, sharper, carries further and is SO much more irritating in the dead of winter.
Clang, clang, CLANG! clang, clang, CLANG. Over and over. Then silence for maybe 30 seconds, then repeat. I’m surprised I let them live.
If you’re one of the fine local Bar-B-Que or Chinese food establishments, English as a second language schools, or driving schools, feel free to stick one of your flyers on my door every week or so, just like all your competition does. That way, when I’m out of town for a few days, all my neighbors will know that I am gone.
A place I used to live had a family that I knew personally, and would socialize from time to time. One day their stupid teenage son decided to play the drums all afternoon. I even went upstairs to bang on the dor and call their phone to no avail. Stupid kid!