-
I wish you wouldn't call me 3. -
Thought that was you name. -
My name's Faulks. -
Fuck off!
Faulks. Seriously. It is. Is your name really ‘1’?
Pause
-
Well, no, actually, its not.
Faulks. Really?
-
Its I, actually. -
1?
I. I.
Pause
Faulks. I for what?
I. I for Me.
(long pause, then they return to the previous conversation)
- What’s th’filth like over there?
(thoughtful pause)
Faulks. They keep a Lower profile than at home. They’re kind of quiet, but defiantly not a soft touch. My neighbor got snared with a little bit of ganja. They found it during a raid. 3 months in jail, one hour exercise a week.
- Christ.
Faulks. No visitors, no mail. No books or TV. He said that everyday he was interrogated for about 6 hours.
- God!
He lost his job and got deported- not that he felt like hanging around in Japan after that.
- Lord.
Faulks. And it happened to another guy I know.
(background: a taxi on a dark road. bright headlights.)
He fell asleep in a taxi. When he woke up, the driver had taken him in exactly the opposite direction, and was asking for Y8,000, about 70 quid. He told him to fuck off, and hopped out of the cab. The driver called the police and he spent a month in jail.
- uh, saints above!
Faulks. Same deal; one hour exercise a week-unless it was raining. Daily interrogation, and no other stimulus. Again, he got deported and lost his job. After a couple of weeks back home, he got a letter from the police to say that the taxi driver admitted to having taken him in the wrong direction and that it was all just a misunderstanding. But no apology.
- Sacred heart.
Faulks. Yeah. Kinda puts you on your toes. They don’t strut around being all tough. They don’t bully and intimidate you. But if they take a notion to ruin your life, there’s not a heck of a lot you can do about it.
(thoughtful pause)
- Uh, Begad.
(Background: The paranoia fairy glides in. She strikes 1 with her wand.)
I. Of course, we should all be careful to keep the windows and doors locked. You don’t want any BUGS in here.
( she strikes 2 with her wand, who in a loud clear voice says)
- Holy mackrel, I’m glad I’ve never done drugs in Japan.
(She strikes 3 with her wand)
Faulks. Do you think they might be listening in on us? Or does that sound crazy and paranoid to you?
2 (in a loud clear voice): good and honest Law enforcers of Japan wouldn’t need to monitor us. but, I’m sure the’d find 3’s criminal record far more interesting than anything I do.
I. Does.
- sure.
I. What record?
Faulks. I got a fine for indecency once.
I. How?
Faulks. I… well, Me and I were walking along talking about blowjobs.
- eh?
I: yeah. Would you ever accept a blowjob off of a man?
- negative! thou?
I. I don’t know. Its hard to think about it objectively. Why not- why wouldn’t you?
- aint gay.
I. Are you a homophobe?
- Nay. yet-
I. well think about it. If it was a stranger, a once off new experience, and the best damn blowjob you could ever have. Like, if this gentleman porn star could take you to a whole new place, a height of pleasure unattainable in the oral embrace of a woman. Why not? The only rational answer is that you are a homophobe.
- I’m not gay-fearing, nor racist. Cultural sensitivity? got it in spades. uh, shovels. Whatever. look; if best orgasm possible- of our generation, could be gotten by anally exploring yon dead goat, wouldja?
Faulks. Ah. Good point.
I. No its not. That’s not a valid argument. I am, quite rightly I think, a besti-necrophila-phobe. I should hope that you are too. Only an utter homophobe could think that the two things are remotely comparable.
