I apologize if you felt that I was attacking you. The only thing I’m attacking is the idea that there is one right way to be a mother, and anyone who does it differently is wrong (and I’m not saying that I think you think that, or anyone in this thread thinks that). I think that idea is what all of us, working parents, stay-at-home parents, and non-parents, need to get rid of.
Same here.
Oh! I never felt attacked by you, Anne. And I completely agree. I think that both sides of the equation sometimes get criticism - I’m not sure my grandmother even approves of my mother’s career NOW, much less when we were small children. And there are a lot of obvious and undeniable advantages to the children with SAHPs, I just wanted to point out that there are a lot of advantages to children with non-SAHPs, too.
Last year, at a company holiday party, someone had gotten a dust devil in the gift exchange. This started a conversation about house work. One manager there said that they had somebody come in twice a week to help with the housework. A cow-worker asked, “But doesn’t your wife stay at home with the kids?” The manager said that yes, and that is why he had somebody come in to help with the housework. His wife was busy enough with the kids that housework was not always her top priority, nor should it be. My respect for him shot up. He was clearly proud of his wife, and realized there is more to do with raising kids than keeping the house clean.
I don’t think I would have had a child had my husband not wanted to stay at home with her. I think it far better for a child to have a parent who loves them and wants to be with them at home to take care of them than to be in daycare. I did not want to be at home all day with a child; I don’t think it would be good for me or my child.
Some husbands may, but then again they may not. Why not poll us and find out?
DangerDad has been pretty vocal about his opinion that my work is both harder and more important than his. (I prefer to think of us as equal partners.) He helps out plenty, most happily in making sure I get a shower every morning and putting the kids to bed at night. Never has he implied that I don’t get an equal say over where our money goes or anything like that.
So please don’t feel bad for me. I’m well appreciated. 
Oh, I never fear for any mom, SAH or Working, that reads the Dope. 
Sadly, though, judging by the women I see and talk with daily, Dopers are not representative of the majority.
Part time WAHM mother of a nearly three year old chimming in here.
I am personally in awe of women who work full time and have small children. I honestly don’t know how you do it without collapsing.
I have two jobs right now, both of them work at home. One has flexible shifts but still requires 7-8 hours at a time. After a day in which I complete my shift while making sure Lavenderdaughter hasn’t destroyed the house I’m totally exhausted. And I have no commute to worry about.
I have nothing but praise for women who can pull it off. Even with good daycare, as many of my neighbors will tell you, such a task is very difficult.
Then again being a SAHM isn’t always easy either. When my daughter was a small baby there were days when I could barely tie my toes, let alone have the house in any semblance of order. As she’s grown, she’s still taking up large parts of my time. Running after a child every day is darned hard work.
So my overall conculsion is that most caregivers of children, male or female, work hard. It pains me to see any criticism lobbed at them, particularly by those who’ve never had children of their own. Being a child is not the same as being a parent. I don’t think you can understand parenting until you’ve actually become a parent.
Personally I hated it. I’m not at all cut out to be a SAHM. Not enough patience and I desperately NEED the stimulation of other adults, and a career where I get warm fuzzies in the form of a job well done. And that is not to say that SAHMs don’t get warm fuzzies. I’m just the sort that needs to be “golden girl” and love the accolades that come with being a star at my company.
That said, I have no regrets, as the year I spent being a SAHM was when my son was nursing (for 9 and a half months) and up to just a bit over a year old. It was great for him. And while it wasn’t the most fun for me. I am glad that he got to have mom and /or dad home for the first three years of his life.
And while I did a good job when my son was home and a baby, I am a much better parent when I’m a fulfilled parent. A year was about as long as I could take before going seriously bonkers.