I was reading an AP article about religious folks being arrested trying to break into Terri Schiavo’s room and give her water (being unclear on the concepts of “feeding tube” and “she has no cerebral cortex”). But it was this that really caught my eye:
So, is this true? Because I love salty food and had no idea how careful I had to be. Can this be done selectively? Like, can I sprinkle salt on my double chin or tummy and have it act as anti-atheist liposuction?
If they are, indeed athiests, would that be assalt with a deadly condiment?
Throwing salt is, at least according to legend, an element in exorcising evil influences, such as those that may emanate from you atheists! 
There was a Pit thread a while back, IIRC, about some people who sprinkled a mixture of salt and chrism throughout a cathedral after a meeting of gay Christians was held there.
I’ve been feeling sluggish all day. Now I’ll have to be twice as careful.
Polycarp: What’s chrism?
Holy oil.
So they tried to disperse evil gay energies with… condiment and lube?
There’s a joke in there somewhere, but I’m really too tired right now.
No, actually it doesn’t.
But ketchup . . . beware the ketchup, my heathen friends.
Like Matt said, holy oil. Fragrant anointing oil, to be precise. Do-it-yourself chrism-making instructions.
Chrism will be blessed in most cathedrals tomorrow, Maundy Thursday, for use throughout the coming year.
I’ve also had good results with Arby’s Horsey Sauce. Of course, that stuff would make anything shrivel up! 
Well, no wonder my evil schemes haven’t come to fruition—too much salty food.
It’s a shame no one whacked him on the head with a flashlight: a salt and battery!
Oh Boy! A Chance to use that St. Joseph’s Baltimore Catechism I memorized back at St. Mary’s!
“Chrism is a mixture of olive oil and balm blessed by the bishop on Holy Thursday.”
Exactly what goes into the balm wasn’t specified, but I doubt it had to be as exotic and detailed as in Polycarp’s post.
And you can buy vials of it along with by-the-numbers application instructions at our local religious bookstore.
That was Chef EssentialOilsRUs’s take, not anything official. I believe that frankincense and balsam infused in olive oil are the required ingredients from a churchly standpoint.
If you pour it over atheists, do we melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West?
One of my dad’s sisters is a real-life religious nut-case. She has her own church that meets in her barn. Her husband is a top-notch home-builder so when I was considering building a house I went to meet with him. We were out in the barn and I noticed a jar of Extra Virgin Olive Oil, the kind you get in the grocery store, on the podium she uses.
No, but when they burn us at the stake, the oil makes our skin all crispy and delicious.
Nah, you just get christened. 
Though it might produce interesting CGI scenes – Matt or Hamish, who’s that preacher/superhero character from Trigun? Can you visualize him “smiting the ungodly” by anointing them?
These protesters have obviously never done their research. It’s salt that destroy zombies, because it reminds them that they are dead. Atheist’s vulnerability is to fire.
Sanctum Santorum?
Salt, then, is very useful for de-icing zombies, atheists and sidewalks.
So these folks thought that scented oil would make a bunch of GLBT folks less likely to come back, or at least subdue homosexual demons.
…they don’t know us very well, do they?;)