Can you spell it out for the rest of us?
Also, was this meme ever funny/cute?
“Women be bitches, man.”
Stranger
She may sense that you don’t like her and is just trying to stay away from you.
Most guys who are total dicks are also total dicks to women, only they get a lot more play out of it from women who like to be treated in a dickish fashion. There are a lot of seriously messed up people out there of either gender.
Stranger
I don’t think that’s the case. As I’ve said, I’ve been nothing but nice to her. I started out nice to her, knowing nothing about her, and got the same treatment. And it’s not just me, it’s the other women, too. I’ve seen her interact with other women, and they haven’t treated her any differently than anyone else.
Just to clarify - when I said “hottie” I meant “one with hot pants”, that is itchy to have her **** scratched, so to speak. It’s not that she’s hot so much as over-sexualized, hence, everything becomes a competition for men against other women.
Of course, that’s just my experience. YMMV
I suppose it’s possible that this woman is just an asshole.
You don’t have to necessarily be a great beauty to get male attention. Guys tend to aim for girls they think they can get, and I’m sure there are guys in your office who aren’t great beauties either.
Men certainly do this, too, but this gender-specific hostility seems to be restricted to when there’s a woman around. Like they’ve got to impress this chick with what a badass they are.
Maybe she’s just an asshole. Maybe she had a bad experience at her old workplace. Or maybe she grew up with brothers, or being friends with guys, and is awkward around other women. Wouldn’t be the first time shyness was confused with bitchiness.
As for women being bitchy to other women in the workplace, if you assume, as a woman, you’re a token or being judged on something other than your merit, every other woman is going to look like competition.
And funnily enough, I think it usually ends up with impressing the chick with what an ass they are. 
Ahh, I see what you mean. That could be the case.
Shyness I would understand, but this is just plain meaness. I’ll smile at her and get a scowl in return, or ask her nicely to do something and get my head bitten off. I’m about ready to complain to management.
I honestly don’t care if she gets male attention, I’m not interested in that kind of thing. What irks me is her snotty attitude toward myself and the other women and the double standard it indicates.
I (female) get along alright with a mix of genders at work. However, women in my office tend to be chatty about shit I don’t care about (kids, husbands, calorie-counting) whereas guys talk about shit I do care about (computer games, and minor but vital and oft-overlooked intricacies of the job). I am a lot happier and feel “smarter” when I interact with the guys than when I make small talk with the chicks here. I don’t think I look like a cold female-hating bitch, since I play nice with the females. But I can definitely understand a girl who feels the same way as me and is less-inclined to play the political game engaging in the behavior described by the OP.
Right! I try to make sure that everybody hates me; I don’t give a crap about your gender.
Well yeah. I’ve found most pricks/catty women, or whatever the proper vernacular is for respective male/female total assholes may be, tend to be consistent and gender-neutral with their assholery, but specific same-gender hostility does occur with both men and women.
Many folks here are on to something when they say this type of behavior is typical of those who seek attention from the opposite gender. While jerks are jerks, typically without gender qualifiers, there is a specific kind of jerk who will play nice with those with whom there is the desire to make the sex. Cattiness might leave you with the impression “Wow, she sure is hostile toward other women,” she is, but really, she’s just a good old fashioned bitch with validation issues. There is no such thing as a woman who is particularly cruel to other women who is actually a nice person. Similarly, there is no such thing as a man who is a super-prick until there’s a gal in the room that turns out to be a nice guy. Yes, men do this too, and for the same exact reason.
So really, when I see this type of behavior, I don’t see it so much as same-gender hostility as I do fake niceness toward people whose approval they seek. Maybe I’m looking at it through the wrong lense.
Rach, there’s a difference between having stereotypically boyish interests, thus naturally gravitating toward men, and exhibiting “downright hostility” to other women. In my day they used to call gals like that tomboys, which is totally fine, but there’s no reason to be a bitch to people who don’t share your interests.
Yes, thank you. Disinterest is one thing, but she’s gone out of her way to be a jerk. I think tomorrow I’ll make a trip to the HR office. This shit won’t fly.
I’m as gender-neutral as you can get. Don’t watch “Real Housewives of Whatever” or soap operas. Don’t wear make-up or “cute” clothes". Don’t have kids or boyfriends or husbands to gush over. Don’t gossip. And yet I’ve never had a problem getting along with both male and female coworkers.
Granted, I have a flexible style. When I’m with women, I tend to be more of a listener and advice-giver. When I’m with guys, I tend to be more silly/goofy and talk about out-in-left field things (like rattling off all the Stephen King novels we can come up with). Actually, I think because I’m have equal doses of feminine and masculine, this helps me get along with everyone just about the same.
It could be that this woman likes being the “only one”. I call it the “Only One Phenomonena”. They tend to be the type who bashes women to the guys (yeah, those other women are bitches. All they do is giggle and gossip. I’m not like that). Most guys will eat this shit up, which only serves to perpetuate the idea that “guys are cooler than women”. They like being the “only one” because it solidifies in their mind that they are special and thus better than other people like them. They are self-hating and thus despicable.
I will say that sometimes women get on my nerves. There’s only so much time I can listen to boyfriend and hubby drama, or talk about “cute” outfits and other things like that. Not that all women do this, but a lot of women do. But guys can also work on my nerves, with their chest-thumping and “deep” discussions about fishing, sports, and sexualized discussions (guys do the “Is she hot?” stuff more than women talk about “hunks”). Guys, even self-proclaimed liberal ones, will find ways to slip in a little bit of homophobia too. So I don’t like spending too much time with either all-women groups or all-male groups, because eventually both groups will bore the hell out of me.
If she’s actively harrassing you, Pixiesnix, I would take her to HR. However, if she’s just giving you the stink eye, I wouldn’t it let it get under your skin. I always hold on to this when in situations like yours: Since I haven’t done anything to warrant a person’s disrespect, they are obviously crazy. Crazy people cannot be changed and are by definition irrational. So why bother worrying about them? They sure aren’t worrying about you!
How 'bout that, I got a story! Last time I saw this was when I was out visiting my friend in Austin. Me and her were just hanging out at her place, her hubby was out and about. A male friend stopped by to pick up some gear, and we chit chatted a bit.
Every single thing out of his mouth was a boast of some form or other.
He constantly talked about the places he’d been, the women he’d banged (showed me topless pictures of one on his phone, classy guy) his weed was the best, and implied anything of mine was lesser. It was never ending. He may as well have been hooting and pranced around the room on all fours beating his chest it was so obvious. When he left, I asked her “Is he always like that? Boasting all the time, I mean?” She said “Yea, he has been more like that lately. Pretty sure he’s trying to get in my pants.” I said “And the fact you’re married isn’t stopping him? :dubious:”. “oh yea!:smack:” she says. She’s like me, a nerd and kind of socially retarded like I am and hadn’t put it all together until I pointed it out.
And that’s what happened! He treated me like some kind of mating rival, even though it was so many ways NOT like that at all.
I thought it was funny that, in a post about how same-gender hostility isn’t cool, she was talking about what crazy bitches other women are.
I said crazy bitches are crazy bitches.
I would think long and hard before opening that can.
Despite their claims to the contrary, HR is *not *your advocate. HR does not care about you; it exists to protect the company from lawsuits. If HR does not believe her actions could result in a lawsuit (filed by you or anyone else), you will be branded a troublemaker and left to hang and dry.
If you really believe her actions are serious enough to possibly warrant a lawsuit, you should first talk to a lawyer, not HR.
Jesus, no wonder so many people are miserable at work. Never in an internship or job have I experienced such crap. In other arenas of life, absolutely (the girl who is a bitch to other women, the guy who won’t stop bragging/trying to get laid or just win the affection of the cutest girl) but never at work. You guys all have my sympathy.