There’s a young woman at work who’s been irritating me with her snotty attitude. That in itself is not so remarkable, except she treats all the female employees with coldness, if not downright hostility. However, she gets along just fine with the male employees, laughing and joking with them. I’ve spoken with my co-workers, and they’ve noticed it, too. Has anyone else seen or experienced this? What gives?
I have. I can’t guess what’s in their mind except maybe that every woman is competition? Is she hot? Often it’s that other women don’t give her a pass for her looks or don’t give her the attention the men do. That was how it was with my coworker, and when she got pregnant, and lost a lot of her looks* she became even more bitter and carping and resentful.
*Some women look good with pregnancy. She did not. Part of it could be she just took care of herself less. But in the time when the women normally would have helped her, no one wanted to.
She may have gotten that bad attitude towards other women in the workplace from how she herself has been treated in the past. I have found that whether it’s roommates or workmates, in general the guys just don’t do so much of the mess- gossip, endless alliances etc., that don’t have to do with the job and can burn you badly if you get on the wrong end of them. I realize this is general and sounds sexist but there are gender differences. In general, I find guys easier because they just don’t seem to do so much “attaching” if anyone knows what I mean. However, for that same reason, my best friends ARE females. I just like a lighter connection in the workplace. Just a thought, maybe she didn’t start out that way but has come to believe that the guys are a safer bet at work.
IME there is a type of woman who’s only interested in male attention… okay, so that’s exactly what you’re saying, you want it explained. I guess they see other women as competition for that attention. These are the women fashion magazines are published for.
Read the title, knew it had to be about women. Never seen a man be hostile to other men just because they’re men.
Well, semi-hostile in that “We’re all friends here but you’re still COMPETITION, buster!” way. Frankly, as a gay man, I get along with my female co-workers much better than the men, because of that constant simmering testosterone-fest.
I’ve seen this and experienced it. It’s usually be younger good looking girls. It’s got to be a competition thing.
Seriously? You’ve never met a guy who was a total dick, except to chicks?
Sometimes it’s a woman who has a certain amount of contempt for other women --“They’re all so shallow and gossipy!” and is proud of liking men better.
Yes, and whenever you meet a woman like this, run for the hills. Bitch is crazy.
I see what you did there.
I do that but it’s because I really don’t have much in common with the other women in my office. I would rather hang out with the guys (who are geeks like myself). The women are always talking about real life or gossiping. I would rather not.
I wouldn’t say I am cold per se but definitely cooler than towards most of the guys.
(Believe me when I say, I am not looking for ‘male attention’ from this lot. The idea makes me laugh.)
I try to be pretty much equal-opportunity on that. Stay out of my way if you tend to be preoccupied with trivial, non work-related interpersonal bickering - men and women alike. :smack:
Yeah, me too, just not gay. I hate that salesman-type shit, and find that women just (in general) don’t have it, and are more fun to be with.
Joe
It’s not just the young, good-looking girls that do this, either - you get old bats in the office who have been there for 20 years and don’t take kindly to any younger women poaching on their territory. If you’re incompetent, they’ll hate you for making their lives harder, and if you’re competent, they’ll hate you for threatening their superiority.
I’ve noticed this, too. Mostly from women, though. Men want to bring you up and often past their level of executiveness so that they can say, “I trained the President of the company.” Women seem to be intent on bringing women to right UNDER their excutive level, then squelch any chances of advancement.
My own mother did this. To an engineer with an MBA who was FAR more qualified.
I think your guesses were pretty correct. Some women view all other women as competition, especially in a mixed gender long term social situation like the workplace.
Your second guess was also correct. Lots of men are nicer to women they find attractive. Some women recognize this, and intentionally hang around with men to enjoy such benefits. I am also convinced that some women are just clueless about this, and genuinely think that men are just nicer and all women are bitches or something because other women don’t bend over backwards to accommodate them because they want to fuck them.
I seen it in the workplace from time to time. Sometimes I just want to go up to these little hotties and say “Honey, I already have a man - go on, take whichever one you want, then let’s get back to work. Get over yourself already.”
I’m a straight guy and I agree with this. The behavior described by the OP is more commonly found in women, but that doesn’t mean guys don’t have their own annoying intra-sex competitions. Found much more commonly among men than women is the type of guy I have labeled “A One-upper.” No matter what you say, this guy has to one up it. “Oh you just got back from France? I’ve been to France six times, Germany is sooo much cooler.” “Oh you just got a new car? Here’s four reasons why my car is better.”
Another annoying male competitive trait is physical posturing. When I was kid, there was constantly some boy threatening to “kick my ass,” or “slide me.” Without fail, everyone of these boys would be shocked, genuinely shocked, when I hit them, or offered to go somewhere teachers weren’t watching and have a fight. Apparently, the appropriate social etiquette is to go around for a week or two telling everyone that you’re going to kick that person’s ass, and then never do it. Luckily males, including myself, tend to grow out of that playground posturing crap. Men who don’t tend to end up being injured or arrested, or both, as the result of fights they start in bars with random strangers who don’t show them “respect.”
Well, here’s the thing: She has a severe acne problem, and at least to me, that impacts her looks. Of course, others’ mileage may vary. Still, I don’t think she’s the “hot chick” of the workplace. There are others there who are much more attractive (not to mention nicer) than her. She is young, maybe immaturity has something to do with it?
As for competition, that may be the case, but it still puzzles me. She has the same contempt for every woman there, regardless of physical appearance. Call me a Pollyanna, but how can she see a woman in her mid-60’s* who puts out a kind motherly vibe as competition?
Here’s my main reason for confusion: I’ve been nothing but nice to this person since she came there. I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt over and over again, only to be treated like crap by her. There are no “alliances” that I’m aware of, no gossip. We talk about our families, our jobs, tv shows…normal stuff. If she’s not into that, fine. But that is no reason to have the social skills of a chimp around those who happen to have two X chromosomes.
Whatever the case, my treating her nicely ends now. That asshole needs to check herself, and quick.
*I"m not saying women of this age can’t be sexy, but this particular woman puts out no sexual vibe at all.