Sandman duel

I am a flashlight, steady-beamed, illuminating.

I am a leaky battery, releasing acid, contaminating.

I am a base, neutralizing, producing water and salt.

I am CATS. All your base are belong to me.

I am catnip: tasty but with unpredictable results.

I am the rock in the box: I burning your dog.

I am an Herbalist, brewing and bubbling.

I am a cheap-ass cauldron, rusting and leaking.

I am June Carter Cash risen from the dead and picking up the herbs.

I am a Rasta, zombie-dispatching, herb-smoking.

I am Haile Selassie telling you to do my bidding.

I am The Hulk, only deaf and mute.

I am Bruce Banner’s pants, tear-defying, Hulk-containing (and censor-pleasing!)

I am the Marvel Ultimates Universe, pants-shedding, censor-defying.

I am a rivet, jean reinforcing, building building

I am Bender, please insert girder, (taker off of pants, wrecker of buildings)

I am a virus, hardware crashing, data destroying.

I am an anti-retroviral medication, nausea inducing, life prolonging

Medication against a computer virus?

Anyway…

I am allergy, medication intolerant, anaphylactic shock causing

I am a steroid, inflammation quelling, breath-saving

I am an itch in the middle of your back, chronic, steroid-resistant.