Maybe it is just me but I can’t see attraction even at the far end of the graft. If they are salespeople with an agenda, they are terrible ones. They are saying that most people won’t like being married at all for the first 50 years of marriage. Ok, I can easily believe that based on what I have seen across many demographics. Marriage isn’t something you want to do if overall life satisfaction is a high priority.
What are we left with? Of those who make it and have 1 1/2 feet in the grave already, the satisfaction rate skyrockets. I can believe that too. What other choices are you going to have at that point when all your friends are dead and your hobby is limited to debating which flavor of oatmeal is best for breakfast.
If there is an agenda, it seems to be saying that you should forgo a good chance at happiness for the vast majority of your life so that you have a shot of having a few tolerable years at the end all things considered. I don’t know about you but I am not signing up for that promotional program.
I don’t know. A lot of people get divorced after the kids move out. Because with out the kids, they’re forced to focus on each other. The only problem is, all too often, they figure out they don’t like their each other very much.
That’s some hardcore buyer’s remorse. 30 years before you start sloping upwards, and 60 before you’re back to being as satisfied as you were on your wedding day.
I think this data set argues for a series of short, frequent marriages.
Handling longitudinal statistics of this sort are very complicated. As alluded to above you need to consider whether the unhappy marriages died early and so there is a selection bias in the later years that needs to be corrected for. There is also going to me a massive correlation between length of marriage and generation. It may be that different generations have different levels of satisfaction with marriage regardless of how long they are in it. Unless I had a chance to carefully evaluate how the data was collected and analyzed, I wouldn’t give it much credence.
So, anyway, this lawyer has a really old couple come into his office. He’s 89, she’s 87, and they want to file for divorce.
“May I ask, how many years have you been married?”
“Sixty three years” he answers.
“Well, shit, why do you want to get divorced now?”
“We waited till the kids were all dead.” she says.
On a further note, because a thing ends does not mean it failed.
Or, because they stayed together only for the sake of the kids, and once the kids were gone the need for the marriage left with them.
I agree that it’s a useless chart, but the broad strokes of it don’t seem to be that mysterious. The first years of marriage are pretty exciting. You’re building a home and a family. Sex is exciting and frequent. You have fewer commitments and can spend more time having fun.
Then, as the years go by the commitments build. A family has to be raised. Your career needs constant effort if you want to get ahead. Debts mount from mortgages and family expenses. Health starts to deteriorate. The middle years of a marriage can be rich and rewarding, but they can also be very difficult.
By the time you’re 50 or so, things start to change. The kids are older, and maybe have moved out or are getting ready to do so. You’re in your peak earning years, and hopefully have your finances more sorted out. Retirement is starting to approach. If you haven’t divorced already, you’ve probably learned to love your spouse for who he/she is and not the idealized version you thought you married.
Then you get to retirement. The stresses of the job are gone. The kids have moved away. Your home is paid for, and you can relax and enjoy life. Other surveys have shown that overall life satisfaction tends to be highest during the early retirement period when the responsibilities of the workaday world are gone but while you still are in relatively good health.