I was driving to work recently and saw a huge yard sale. It sat back from the road in the homeowner’s side yard and included furniture, lawnmowers, etc kind of like a moving sale.
In the midst of it all was a little fishing boat on a trailer. The kind of boat a friend has been shopping for, so it caught my eye. More interesting yet was the young boy “driving” the boat. He was standing with his hands on the wheel wearing a bathing suit and goggles. The goggles were weird; huge steampunk looking things with a fluorescent orange framework. I laughed.
I texted my friend from work and described the location of the boat/trailer. He was tied up all day but asked me to keep an eye on the boat and to let him know if it remained unsold. So, after work I looked over and the boat was still there, as was the boy. Only now he was wearing a WW II army helmet and holding a US flag. The helmet was ridiculously over-sized, and the kid instead of appearing trendy looked maybe a bit slow. There was a car behind me so I got just a quick glance.
This morning my buddy texted me early asking if I’d check on the boat again, as he had time to drive out and look in person if it was still there. No traffic behind me so I slowed way down and looked. The kid was driving the boat again, wearing a crazy Rasta do-rag today. I pulled to the shoulder and finally realized the kid is a mannequin. OMG.
I told my buddy if he buys the boat I’d go as high as $50 for the boy. But I’m also wondering how bad it would look if the NSA reads the text where I’m offering $50 for a boy and telling my friend to leave him in my garage.
Sounds like a Wes Anderson film set?
How much for the little boy? How much for the men? Your men. I want to buy your men. The little boy, your sons… sell them to me. Sell me your children!
As long as banjo’s aren’t involved…
It’s for the HOV lane!
(Seriously, the seller deserves an extra six-pack on top of his price for being clever.)
You need to buy all the accessories to go with the boy!
Yes, yes, seasonal decorations.
A bunny suit for Easter, elf costume for Christmas, leprechaun for St. Patricks, Uncle Sam for July 4th.
I have always wanted a mannequin of my very own because I’m sure I could do all sorts of delightfully weird poses/clothing to spice up my decor. Alas, I have yet to come across anything.
When I was growing up, my parents had a mannequin arm which they had planted in the soil of one of their hanging plants, so that it looked like someone buried alive might be trying to escape. But it must have resulted in too much opprobrium from their friends, as - to my great disappointment - it did not last long.
There’s a guy on my street that owns four or five mannequins, that he dresses up and displays in his front yard. One of them is a cop and he sometimes has that one in his window with a gun (toy? real? Don’t know). The others are either out there “naked” or dressed in theme. For instance, during the summer, they’re in Hawaiian shirts and have a cooler and beach balls. Sounds all fun and whimsical, but he’s fucking weird (the mannequins are just the tip of the iceberg…I have a million other stories).
There’s a house on a corner in my mom’s neighborhood where the owners have this wooden boy on a wooden bench posed to wave at traffic. He’s always dressed up in some kind of outfit, sometimes he has a sign with him. The people who live there obviously have a lot of fun with it. The bench and the boy are both made of dark grained wood so at first glance he looks like he is covered in burn scars, so we call him “burnt boy”.