My daughter has started the 1st grade. Older kids insist on stealing her stuff. I have brought up this issue with the teachers and principal. All they do is tell bullie’s parents. Which has little or no effect since their parents (teenagers) are yutzs too. So I ask the people on this board. How should I handle this?
Tell the school they have an affirmative duty to protect your daughter’s safety and that while you’d hate to drag an attorney into this you don’t know in the face of their failure to respond what other choice you may have. Tell the parents that theft is illegal regardless of the age of the thief and that any further incidents will result in a police report. IANAL and YMMV.
What are the little punks stealing? Is it anything that you can simply avoid giving your daughter to take to school, or will they take whatever she happens to have in her possession, no matter what? I’d also consider switching her to another school. I know that isn’t an easy solution, but it might be worth it. First graders should not and cannot reasonably be expected to put up with that crap.
Bullies tend to pick on the weak. If your daughter were to put on a strong front, which may simply involve verbally standing up for herself, bullying may diminish somewhat. I might also inquire as to her peer influences…how are her social circles? A self-defense class may also help,…I am not advocating physical force, but rather such a class may foster self-confidence.
Regarding bringing adults into the matter (teachers, bullies’ parents, lawyers) this usually increases the bullying (kid is labelled a tattletale, or relying on adults is seen as a further sign of weakness) so I would generally use these avenues only as a last resort.
Brass knuckles work nicely.
Dalovin’Dj
Most if not all of the kids who have committed the school shootings have said that they were tired of being picked on by other kids. It is time something is done and I personally think otto has the right idea. Similar action was taken by the parents of a girl that was being groped in high school.
Those who say things like: “don’t give her things for them to take” or “kids will be kids” either never were bullied or are suffering from denial. Or perhaps they were the…
This is not really true in first grade… The whole tattletale thing doesnt really kick in until later. I had a problem with a bully and my son in second grade, and we talked to the teacher. Problem stopped. My next step was going to be show up and wait for the parents to show up to pickup thier little darling. All the kids wait outside the school in front in the same place until the parents pick themm up, so it wouldnt have been hard. I can be pretty persausive when I want to be, and I would have convinced them that I would hold them responsable for thier childs behavior personally. I was some what of a pacifist during my early days in school, so I got picked on quite a bit by bullys… I have no tolerance for them. eventually I got tired of it and started standing up for myself.
**Tell the school they have an affirmative duty to protect your daughter’s safety and that while you’d hate to drag an attorney into this you don’t know in the face of their failure to respond what other choice you may have. Tell the parents that theft is illegal regardless of the age of the thief and that any further incidents will result in a police report. IANAL and YMMV. **
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I’d tell the school pricipal IN WRITING, using either a FAX or a registered letter. Nothing gets an administrator off the dime like a written message that someone can PROVE he received. It shouldn’t take more than two of these MAX.
Chubbs, I hope this helps. Appeals to the parents probably aren’t going to work. After all, if they were good parents, their kids wouldn’t be bullying yours.
INALE (I’m Not A Lawyer Either.)
Regards.
Testy.
Not surprisingly, bullying is a problem at schools in the UK.
I don’t have children but I do recall reading a few newspaper articles about the subject, and the various methods used by different schools to combat the problem.
Here is a website offering advice to parents who are affected by bullying. It’s a UK government site, but Chubbs, or anyone else with an interest, might find something useful.
I haven’t checked for US sites who might have information on the matter.
Whatever, I hope that the problem is resolved very quickly.
Good luck.
Bullying in school is a good indicator on how your child will turn out later in life. Whether they will be on the receiving end of the “stick” or whether they will mete out the “stick”.
Getting bullies to back off takes some ingenuity. Money, gifts, the police, or school officials, or teaching your child some crafty ways on how to handle and get around a bully’s mentality is very iffy.
Some bullies take on more heinous acts, and I wouldn't want to drudge up the evil deeds of some students that have been murderous, but let's face it, I really think the school has a duty to let the cops know about this. This is called preventive murder. Bullies should have profiles logged with the police and school psychologists and with criminal psychologists. Every authority should be working together for preventive violence that is lurking in the wings.
Until your school gets hip, you arm your daughter with the best knowledge you have, even if she is very young.This little kid was always stealing my son’s mittens in kindergarten.
The school was worthless in addressing this.
We contacted the little shit’s parents, and they were very reasonable. So while I resented the school not doing what I considered their duty, we were able to work things out with the other kids’ parents. (The mother was confused and frustrated at why all these strange mittens kept showing up in her house!)
The bullying continued in later grades. I attended a course with my son offered by county services entitled “Why are you picking on me?” At the risk of “blaming the victim”, a couple things I learned there are:
Some kids are inept at reading cues from other people. They are not sensitive at telling when another kid is being friendly or aggressive. Nor do they realize when their actions are pissing another kid off.
Some kids do not mature socially as quickly as other kids. Those type of kids are more likely to be on the receiving end.
Kids don’t interact socially the same way adults do, making it hard for parents to accurately assess the situation.
One amazing thing during these classes was they assigned the kids to work together to design and build a robot out of cans, boxes, etc., and videotaped them. It was amazing to see the different ways the kids acted during the exercise. They showed the kids the video, and many of the kids did not like the way they looked. Others were oblivious. Same with the parents. Some were embarrassed at their kids actions and realized that the problem was not entirely with “the other kids.” Other parents were oblivious.
It can also help to teach the kid some specific ways to react when they are teased or bullied, other than physical response or running to an adult.
I recommend a book titled (I think) “Good Friends Are Hard To Find.”
Good luck.
>My daughter has started the 1st grade. Older kids insist on stealing her stuff. I have brought up this issue with the teachers and principal. All they do is tell bullie’s parents. Which has little or no effect since their parents (teenagers) are yutzs too.
Okay, I hate to nitpick but I’m going to.
Am I to understand that you are saying that these children in grades higher than the first (making them at least seven years old) have teen-aged parents?
Are you also implying, by mentioning it specifically, that teenagers are generally not very good parents? If that is your intention, I take issue with it as being an unfair and harmful statement.
However, I did not post this to start a war. I would appreciate clarification, though. Please.
I wish your family well resolving the bullying problem your daughter is facing at school.
First off, I’d just like to say that, in my opinion, taking out injunctions against seven-year-olds for pinching a few things at school is ridiculous. I don’t feel that the national legal system should be brought into any matters like this unless we’re talking about big things being stolen (laptops or something like that.): and even then it’d have to happen more than once to warrant legal action, in my mind.
In this particular situation, it’s not particulary difficult: these kids are, what, seven? Eight? If either you or a teacher just takes them aside and warns them about it (and, if that fails, yell at them) they’re not exactly going to stand up to you.
However, if the same thing happens when she’s much older, say 15, you’re not going to be able to intimidate bullies. Teaching children how to deal with bullies is a good thing.
But, considering she’s so young, I’d just deal with these bullies and leave it for the moment - just tell her to ignore them, etc. It’s quite possible that this is an isolated incident. If it occurs again though, teaching her how to deal with it would be your best bet.
I’m surprised no ones brought this up:
Talk to your daughter. Tell her to keep an eye on her things. Tell her that if someone trys to take her things that she must not let them. Tell her that if someone takes her things by force to immediately notify a teacher.
As far as I’m concerned the biggest issue here isn’t the stolen things or retribution against the bullies or any of that. The biggest issue is teaching your daughter to stick up for herself and solve problems when they face her. People will always try to take her things, even in 20 years. Standing up for herself and solving problems are key lessons in life.
Of course, if she is doing these things, and the teachers are doing nothing, then take the threats of legal action. But the first problem is teaching your daughter to take care of herself.
Twice growing up I was picked on by bigger bullies. Although I was scared to death, both times these jerks took it to the point where I snapped and beat them up, once on the playground and once in the back of his mother’s car as they came to pick me up for school. I never had any trouble with either one of them again.
No, I’m not advocating your daughter follow this example. I am making a statement about the mentality of kids that pick on others.
The Great Philosopher, you suggest “tak[ing] them aside and warn[ing] them about it (and, if that fails, yell at them) they’re not exactly going to stand up to you.” Later you suggest that after a certain age “you’re not going to be able to intimidate bullies.”
Just wanted to mention that my experience has not supported this approach. First, I am astounded at how disrespectful so many kids are today. Even if you politely ask a kid to do something relatively innocuous you are likely to be answered along the lines of “You can’t tell me what to do.” It seems quite different from my recollection of going to great lengths to avoid having an adult comment on my behavior.
And if you correct a child other than your own, not to mention attempt to intimidate them, it will not be unusual to receive a phone number from an irate parent demanding how you dare criticize their little angel. I once interrupted three kids beating up my son in an arganized activity. Unfortunately, I used some colorful language. The repercussions were that I was blackballed by the organization. and no action was ever taken against the bullies.
Bill H., very good point about trying to get your child to change their behavior. As a parent, it is sometimes difficult when unnecessay unpleasant things happen to your young child.
Dinsdale, kids these days do have a tendancy to say things like that (‘you can’t tell me what to do’). However, if a grown man speaks sternly to a seven-year-old child I don’t believe, unless these kids are really bad, that they’re going to refuse to ‘lay off’ his daughter right to his face. In a few years, perhaps, but not at that age.
Speaking as a former victim of sigh…‘bullies’…I hate that word, it kind of makes these sadistic little xxxs sound cute and jolly and cosy and does not even come close to conveying the full nastiness of their evil cowardly stupidity (Am I bitter? Yeah just a tad, I’m afraid)‘Psychological torturers’ would me more apt, though not as snappy…
Can I just say that back in those days I tried to stand up for myself and be assertive and all of that and you know what it *didn’t work!*No matter what I did they (which is to say every other damn kid in the school, I was the doormat scapegoat that made 'em all feel better dont 'cha know? It was the natural order of the universe, God approved and everything)No matter what I did, those kids thought it was funny and contemptible, I called them names back, I was assertive, it made no difference! They jeered and sneered all the same.
And all this stuff about “oh one day I punched the bully and I got respect and it never happened again and if you get bullied it’s your own fault because you didn’t stand up for yourself” -I’m not saying anyone has really said that in this thread, but I see this everytime this subject comes up and I am sick of it! That is fine if you are a young man who has the physical strength to do that! But if you are a girl and every single person is physically stronger and bigger than you what are you supposed to do? I tried to hit the kids back when I was four, they always laughed at me because my blows were so weak and ineffective. The physical option is not a viable one for everyone-I wish the “stand up for yourself or you deserve it” brigade would remember that sometimes.
Oh-I forgot to say, the very few times that I attempted to retaliate physically, they always told the teacher and the teacher always sided with them and not with me. I got into trouble and all the times they had done the same to me and worse was conveniently ignored. See the teachers knew what was going on, it was nicer and easier for them to collude in it and join in all the fun torturing me!
So it must be fun to live in that lovely simplistic world where standing up for yourself magically solves everything. Forgive me if I sound a little sarcastic there, but I was there and everybody who comes out with these “stand up for yourself and they will respect you” platitudes was not. I think I have rather more authority to speak on the subject than them frankly
As for the question of what to do with school bullies, it is simple, expell them and leave the schools to the decent kids who actually want to learn. Whenever anyone suggests this you inevitably get the do-gooder wooly liberals throwing up their hands in horror and going “Oh! you can’t deny them an education!” To which I say “Male Cattle Feces! If it was up to me I would deny them their stinking lives not just their education” Yeah I am probably too emotional and not objective on this subject, I don’t care, all I know is everyone is always, always, but always on their side and never on their victims’. Bah.
Sorry, Infectious Lass. I was just saying what had worked for me. No, I’m not a girl. Yes, that would make it different. What would I do in your case or the little girl’s in question? I have no earthly idea. In fact, I didn’t know what to do at the time, it just kinda happened. I’d been picked on and picked on, was scared and mad and confused and just lost it. I went berserk on the little mf’s and had to be pulled off by adults. I was probably crying worse that the bullies were but they knew they could never provoke me again without getting an extremely undesirable response. That’s all. cowering meekly in your presence