I’m a Midwesterner too and I’ve never encountered a buttered sandwich.
I’m a Midwesterner and my family has always buttered our bread for sandwiches. It’s just not something that’s uniform of American culture.
Yes, as are pilsners, stouts and porters.
Oh! Up at the top there!
It took me forever to see what you were talking about. I’ve never seen one like it. Every stove I’ve ever seen has a vent/fan up there to suck up the steam from boiling pots, if anything at all. ('Merkin here)
That’s why it’s called an eye-level grill.
Yes, I know. I was looking at eye level and it took me several minutes to figure out what was going on up there with the little handles and what-not. 
When I was a kid, that was the only way I would eat toast. I did not like the non-buttered side being toasted, so I always made my toast in the broken slot on the toaster (or had mom use that slot when she was making toast for everyone). I may or may not be the reason that slot had a bad element on one side in the first place, due to experimentation with buttering before toasting, but I’ll never confess to it.
Nowadays, I still prefer my toast that way, but will just fix it in the toaster oven on the broil setting.
I had toast last night.
This is how I make it.
Bread on it’s side in toaster (bread is taller than it is wide).
Go away.
Come back half way through, pop breast (half bread half toast) up… flip round to other side to facilitate even toasting.
Go away.
Come back and pop up perfectly tanned even-coated toast.
Butter immediately.
Spread Marmite lightly.
Enjoy.
If I have no butter then I leave the toast to cool first… because melted margarine is evil.
I have a toaster - I put in bread and a bit later toast pops up, pretty much perfectly done. It has worked like this for more years than I remember
Strangely, (given the different albedo) this happens whether I put in white or brown bread. If I’m using emergency frozen bread I need to press a “frozen bread” button, the quality suffers slightly but remains within acceptable bounds.
The only time it gets all Izzardy on me is if I try unnatural bready substances, like Vogel’s sunflower and chipmunk (or whatever the hell it is)
I think the problem is that for some reason my fellow countrymen are given to buying the cheapest possible toaster (just had a look and Argos are selling one for £5.99, how long do you expect a £5.99 toaster to work?)
(Admittedly I do the same with espresso machines; I must buy a proper Gaggia or some such, rather than buying another crappy cheap one every few years)
This thread has been great Marmite technical support. I’ve realized that the reason my Marmite adheres to the toast and refuses to spread thinly is that I haven’t been buttering the toast. I was hoping to avoid adding yet another layer of cholesterol to my toasted-cheese-and-soft-boiled-egg sandwich, but I guess I’ll have to live with it.
U.S. east coaster here to refute the notion that Americans don’t butter their sandwiches. I put butter on egg salad, tuna salad, and chicken salad sandwiches, but mayo on all cold cut sandwiches. Very occasionally a little horseradish with the mayo on a roast beef sandwich. (I *never *use mustard or – uggghhh – ketchup.)
As a child I put butter on peanut butter or bologna sandwiches, but not any more.
I’ve never even thought of butter on a ham sandwich, but now that Purl has mentioned it, maybe I should overcome my immediate rejection of the idea and try it.
But they keep breaking! I’m not spending more than £5.99 on something that will probably break!
(yes, I know)
My toaster was £1.99 from Tesco and it works great. Although judging by this thread I am not quite as particular about toast quality as some people.
Gah. I’m far from childhood, but butter still goes on peanut butter sandwiches when I eat them – otherwise there’s no barrier to the jelly soaking into the bread. And soggy, purple-colored bread is nasty.
Peanut butter isn’t a sufficient barrier? It has heavy fat/oil content, like regular butter.
I think most people only apply PB to one slice and J to the other (where it could soak in).
Also, I think that British peanut butter brands are drier and less runny than American brands. Perhaps in anticipation of the standard accompanying layer of butter/spread. A sandwich consisting of just bread and Sun-Pat, say, would gum up your mouth like glue.
I’ve heard complaints about electric kettles in the US, that they weren’t as fast as the British ones due to the lower voltage.
I suppose you insist on soldiers with your soft boiled eggs so you can dip 'em in.
I bet you also cut off the crusts 
When I have PB&J, I put PB on both slices of bread, and the J in the middle.