Before I get started on this rant, I’d just like to say that I know my current situation is comparatively fortunate in this economy, and I don’t mean to diminish the problems other people are having. So, with that, here goes:
I’m a computer programmer. I currently have a full-time job. The work’s a bit boring, and the commute is really long. So, if an interesting opportunity were to present itself… one with better pay or a better title or a better commute, I would definitely take a look. And I keep hearing that employers prefer to hire people who are currently working. But apparently a lot of companies have decided that they must use headhunters. And headhunters are moronic dickheads. So, here’s my rant:
Headhunters, you suck!
You do not understand the concept of working. You want to call me up in the middle of the day and chat about a position for twenty minutes. I am at work. I can’t take an impromptu call in front of my bosses about another position. I have asked you over and over again to email me details about the position and to email me to schedule a time to talk, but you can’t get it through your thick skulls.
You do not understand the concept of working, Part 2. You try to schedule interviews for me with less than a day’s notice. Hey, dipshit. I actually have meetings and other things scheduled. And no, I can’t just hop over on my lunch break, because I have to go home and change into a suit for the interview. And yes, I’m going to wear a fucking suit, because you want to send me out for positions which have management authority. And no, I cannot wear my fucking suit to work, because then people will know that I’m looking for work.
You do not understand the concept of working, Part 3. No, I do not have the time to come down and do some meet and greet with your fucking team unless you actually have a position I’m interested in. You know why? Because if I did that with every fucking headhunter who emailed me, I’d never get any work done. Oh, and you want me to pay for my own parking too? Sure, why the fuck not? Have you nitwits heard of skype?
You’re an idiot who doesn’t understand the concept of money! I have a full-time position, with benefits where I make a certain salary. So, when you call me up with a position that pays less than what I make (and yes, I know how to calculate benefits when I figure that out), then I’m not going to be interested. So, why do you think that haranguing me about what a great company you are working with is going to make a difference? Am I supposed to call up my mortgage company and tell them that I can no longer pay the mortgage, but it’s okay, because I now work at a “great company?”
You cannot answer a simple question over email. When I send an email asking you what the salary range is on a position, you respond with “DOE.” Really? When your client hired you, did he just tell you that the salary was “DOE?” When your client does its budget, instead of numbers, do they just write “DOE” down? If so, your client is an idiot who doesn’t know how to run a business.
You refuse to actually read my fucking resume. Why are you asking me if I have experience with a certain technology? It’s on my fucking resume, which you have, you moron.
You refuse to actually read my fucking resume, part 2. Yes, I know you think that if I didn’t work with a specific technology in the past year, that all the knowledge magically leaked out of my head. But if you think that, then why are you fucking calling me? It’s on my resume that I haven’t worked with that technology in a year, dickhead.
You do not understand the technology. When you say your client wants experience with MVC, I’m going to ask if you mean MVC architectures generally, or if you are referring to a specific technology like Microsoft MVC . How can you be a tech recruiter and not be able to answer that question, moron?
You are a spammer. If you send me an email with a subject line like “RE: Our earlier phone conversation,” and we didn’t actually have an earlier phone conversation, then I’m going to click delete on your email. What kind of computer programmer do you think this shit would actually work on?
You’re a resume collector. What do you fuckheads do, collect resumes like baseball cards? I fucking sent a resume to your colleague last month. And yes, I keep my emails so I can keep track of dipshits like you. Don’t fucking ask me to send another resume, when you already have one on file.
What exactly do you get paid to do? According to you, my resume needs to be edited for this position (although it was fine for the last one). But, you’re the one who knows what your client is looking for. So, why don’t you try to edit the thing in a way that you think will work for your client? I mean, my resume is in a completely standard format, so how the fuck am I supposed to know what your client is looking for? I guess I’m supposed to be a fucking mind-reader and figure out what exactly your specific client is looking for in a resume.
This behavior is so pervasive, I don’t even know what to do anymore. And yes, I have other routes I am using to get my dream job. But, I really don’t understand what all of this is supposed to accomplish. I’m beginning to wonder if headhunters actually give a shit about finding people jobs. Maybe they’ve found a way to turn resumes into cash money, and that’s all they do: (1) collect resumes, (2) ???, (3) profit!
I have worked with professional headhunters who were quite good, but they are few and far between. Maybe shop for a headhunter they way you would shop for a job? Just say’in.
If you sent them a resume they are no longer headhunters. They are recruiters.
The fact that you are cooperating with them in any way means that you have hired them. You may not have to pay them but they have been hired by you to find you a job.
So your three choices are
Play the game their way.
Get them to play the game your way (rules on calls, salary range, etc)
And what is with the enormous glut of Indian recruiters who can barely write in complete sentences and appear to pick resumes exclusively from keyword searches. Yes, I have experience with Python frameworks and libraries…for scientific visualization and high performance data crunching. I do not build websites. I do not know Django or Zope. I am not a Java developer. I am not an avionics engineer, or a “system architect”, or a fit to whatever other random position you are trying to fill today. I do not wish to leave my job for your “3+ month” contract opportunity in Bumfuck, FO. No, I will not feed you resumes from other people. Please learn how to actually do your job, vet through resumes until you find a few which are appropriate.
I have to say that it is equally if not more frustrating from the employer’s side, especially when you get flooded with a couple hundred resumes which met someone’s arbitrary list of keywords without any notion of what the job actually entails, despite having spent two hours explaining it to a recruiter. Fortunately, I have an internal recruiter who is very good about vetting through resumes to find ones that are at least marginally applicable and worth looking at. But the freelance guys? Forget it.
Headhunters don’t work for you. They are engaged by the business they are trying to place for. Keep that in mind and adjust your expectations accordingly.
When I was a freelance programmer in the halcyon days of 1996-2000, headhunters were very useful. They could usually find me a new contract with a week’s notice, gave me a dozen or so alternatives, and got me the rates that I asked or, sometimes, more. It helped that at the time I was free to go anywhere the contract was, preferred 6-9 month contracts, and was specializing in a fairly obscure language that was used mostly by big insurance companies.
I understand the landscape is quite different today I am glad I got out of that in time and have been working for myself since.
Caveat - I have worked with untold numbers of developers, PMs, leads, system architects, etc., who were born in India and are very intelligent, competent, and consistently produce quality work.
However, I have also encountered a subset of the population who were born in India who leave me with the conclusion that there are cultural differences regarding honesty of qualifications on resumes. They seem to subscribe to the “fake it until you make it” theory. They write resumes by reversing the job posting into their supposed qualifications. (In interviews they can’t answer simple detailed questions.) The underlying expectation is that they will get hired, and scope out a friendly Indian buddy in the organization who they can partner with to learn what to do. In my experience, there are a volume of recruiters who share the same philosophy.
Remember, headhunters used to be out of work schmucks that couldn’t find that dream job in their field, so they are more concerned about making bank, than finding you your dream job, which to them is filling the position at the company.
Asking them questions about the job is not hiring them to do anything. Getting random phone calls from them is not hiring them to do anything. You seem to use words in odd ways.
I’m aware what my choices are. I’m calling them unprofessional idiots.
My job isn’t too terrible. But there’s a ton of legacy code that’s not written well, and there aren’t enough people left at the company who can debug c or COBOL, so I constantly get pulled of cool stuff when those bugs get escalated. And of course, there’s no budget to port, so I’m stuck with the code.
I think I’ve found a solution! I’ve just started fucking with them. Here’s an email exchange I just had:
[QUOTE=Headhunter]
Hiring_ IOS/Iphone Developers for our client at Redmond, WA_Visa: GC/Citizen/TN/L2 EAD/GC EAD/H1b only _ Rates are open for right candidates
Hi Associates,
Please find information. Please share suitable profiles only.
Designation: IOS Developer
Location – Redmond, WA
Duration : 1+YR
Duration: Contract
Open Positions: 4
Mode of Interview:- Telephonic/Skype
Visa: GC/Citizen/TN/L2 EAD/GC EAD/H1b only
Skills Required -
1.Design Develop apps for Mac OS or iOS apps for iPAD , iPhone , Mac systems
2. C++ on recent projects is must
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE= Me]
Hello. Can you tell me the rate on this? Thanks.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Headhunter]
Can you share profile.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Me]
Thank you for your response. Perhaps you did not understand my previous email. I wrote “Can you tell me the rate on this?”
This mark at the end is called a “question mark.” A question mark indicates that I am asking a question, and that I would like a response to that question. In this case, I have asked what the rate on your project would be.
Unfortunately, I feel it is not in my interests to deal with a recruiter who does not understand basic punctuation. I wish you luck in your future endeavors, and perhaps one day, you will understand the whole gamut of punctuation from periods to exclamation points! Good luck!
[/QUOTE]
I got a chuckle out of it anyway. He did send a response back which indicated that I got under his skin. I’m deciding whether or not to respond.
As someone doing the hiring for software developers in my company, I utterly despise this. On more than one occasion I have spoken to potential hires about working with a specific technology - the one I was specifically hiring for - only to have this happen:
“I…I’m sorry, I don’t have any experience with .NET.”
“Oh. Well you have it listed here under the “computer languages” section”
“I do? May I see that?” ::reads it over:: “Uh, I think the recruiter added that. I brought my resume with me - here it is unedited.”
“Ah…OK, well unfortunately this is a .NET position. If anything comes up with your skillset I’ll keep you in mind.”
A complete waste of everyone’s time, and worse, it makes the applicant look really bad. It also guarantees that I will never work with that agency again - the entire agency, regardless of whether it was just the one recruiter working for them that did it.
Well, I didn’t mean to edit the resume so that it’s flat out lying. But, if the headhunter thinks the formatting should change or the sections should be rearranged, then make the edits and run them by me.
Headhunters and recruiters are equally useless in the skilled trades/planning/scheduling fields. They call almost constantly offering jobs at wages below what someone would make staying near their house for jobs in cities ( looking at you Cleveland) that people are fleeing. Then when you reject their “generous” offer, the first thing tht they ask is if I know someone who would be interested.
Yes…I recommend a crappy job that I wouldn’t take to a person who I considered to be a friend. That sounds like a way to keep friends.:rolleyes:
Anyway, most of the time when I get calls from headhunters, I let them go to voicemail and then I listen to the message (if they bothered to leave one) and decide to call them back. If I do call them back and they don’t return my call, I email people who I know and warn them that this person is an asshole and not to waste time with them.
I call that the “Is he white?” interview. I’ve dragged my ass thirty miles one way in rush hour traffic for an interview that lasted long enough to check the “Yes” box.
Not a headhunter, but I went into an interview at a company where the guy didn’t start reading my resume until sat down, then he yelled at me for not having the qualifications he wanted. On top of that, sure, I didn’t have experience with his brand of security equipment, but I had loads of experience with others and they are all the fucking same!
I am glad I got out of that in time and have been working for myself since.