Screw the Alphabet!

The BBQ Pit
1

First off, fuck you Larry. Fuck your pissy moving company, named after an animal that begins with two "A"s.

Fuck alphabetization, which brought this cocksucker into my life. Fuck the Yellow Pages, who alphabetized said moving company numbers, causing Larry’s number to fall easily to my fingertip.

Bastard stood me up to not once, but twice this weekend to move the contents of my 10x30 storage shed into my new home! Never even called! He knew he had me by the short and curlies Saturday night, when he mouthed off to me, then offered to move me Sunday morning. Then stood me up again!

Oh, and fuck the calendar, for causing my move to fall at the end of the month, making it impossible for me to rent an appropriate moving truck. Or get backup movers. Or postpone it until next weekend, as they already rented my storage shed out from under me.

And by the way Larry, when me and my friend were moving every stick of furniture from said storage shed, I saw all the damage your crew of cocksuckers did to my furniture when you moved it into the shed a month ago.

Bastards.

2

Next up: gravity!

3

Don’t get me started on gravity. I hold gravity as an accomplice in this debacle. Fucking two-story house.

4

“Aardvark Movers”?

5

In deference to any liable laws I may eventually break before this thread is over, I’ll just say that the moving company may have been named after another animal whose name also begins with two "A"s.

6

I make it a point to be wary of any company seeking to move itself up in the phone book with its name.

7

Aalligator?
Aantelope?
Aamoeba?

8

When we screw the alphabet, Mrs. Babe and I usually end up stuck on the letter between ‘n’ and ‘p.’

It just keeps repeating itself, like a wonderful broken record.

9

Aardwolf?

10

Aasvogel?

11

Goddammit, I saw the topic and thought they’d FINALLY started making ‘Schoolhouse Rock’ again.

Thanks for getting my hopes up and then destroying them, heartless bastard.

[sub]sniff…we’ll always have ‘Conjunction Junction’…[/sub]

12

[Paraphrased Simpsons hijack] “A. Aaronson and Zikowski are the biggest gossips in town.” [/Simpsons hijack]

13

God damn aashole movers!

14

sue their asses for breach of contract… even taking them to small claims court might be enough to thoroughly piss them off and entertain you… and, hey, just maybe you’d get some money out of it.

15

MFS- Unfortunately, our contract consisted of “Uuuuuh, I can move you Saturday”. Not much there.

Apotheosis- Those fucking SHR cartoons always bugged me. I’m six, for Christ’s sake… I have no earthly idea what the hell an adverb is, much less what I should do with it!!!

Abe Babe- When I ask Macro Ma’am for nookie, she keeps repeating the letter between X and Z.

This whole thing’s my own damned fault, really, but that won’t stop me from blaming everyone besides myself. Should’ve gove with someone more credible.

I have a different outlook on it today. I saw all my friends and family give up their Sunday on short notice, rally together, and get me moved into my new home. Dropped $150 on a nice Tex-Mex lunch for previously mentioned people. Took the extra $250 I saved and put it into my kid’s savings account this morning.

Whatever.

16

[Office Space] If things go well, I may show her my “O Face.” [/Office Space]