Screw VW, screw our dealer, and screw myself. (hooked up battery backward)

The BBQ Pit
1

We recently took our car (2012 Passat) in for the 110k mile service at the dealership- it had some unusual stuff to check/fix, so we figured it would be worth it.

Those clowns apparently didn’t check the 3 year old battery (I live in Texas, so 3 years is not unusually low battery life). Somehow, by the grace of God, we managed to do all our Xmas driving to and from Austin, along with associated stops, etc… without issue, and the battery didn’t actually have any issues until about 4 days after we got it back from the dealer. I was sitting there, waiting for a curbside pickup order at Wal-Mart and listening to the radio in the car without the engine running. Headlights were off, etc… Then all sorts of weird dash lights and chimes start going off, and when I went to start it, zilch.

This isn’t my first rodeo with shot batteries in this car. I walk home (~1/2 mile), get my pickup, drive over, jump the VW, drive it home, walk back and get my pickup.

Next day, I remove the battery, and among several other errands, I go by Autozone and swap the battery out for a new one since it was still under warranty.

Here’s where I get angry at VW and myself… In the course of running errands, I had forgotten which way the battery was installed, and figured that the black cable/terminal was negative, and the brown one was positive, and hooked them up.

I was wrong. For some unfathomable reason, black is positive on that VW, and brown is negative. Anyway, when I hooked it up backward, the horn went off, the wipers went, the lights came on, and the car generally freaked out for a second.

I proceeded to reverse it, and everything seems good until I actually go drive it around the block, and the battery light comes on. Grrr… so now I have to take it in to probably get a new alternator I’m guessing. Probably should get it towed as well. Damn.

I wish those clowns at the dealership would have given me a heads-up, and I’d have had them just do it while they were there, and wouldn’t have had to have late Sunday night car drama at Wal-Mart. I wish VW wouldn’t do fucked up stuff like have the black cable be negative. I wish I’d been a little more in-focus and noticed the tiny little positive/negative indicators that were small enough that I had to get my phone’s camera out to zoom in on beforehand.

2

Ugh.

What you need … is some red and some black electrical tape for those cables.

Glad you got out. Hope it was a nice day for a (n unplanned) walk.

Ausgezeichnet, my backside !

3

My DH (professional electrician, decent DIYer with cars) says in his experience (which is nearly all American makes), default is black being negative as you thought it should be.

Creativity is a good thing in its place, but deciding to get inventive with electrical system standards is not one of them, IMO.

Hope this mess doesn’t get overly expensive in money or time.

4

For some reason the Germans change common practices. On my BMW motorcycles for example, the horn and signals are in places different than most other motorcycles (including my first BMW motorcycle!). And many German cars have the gas tank filler on the right side, while most cars have it on the left.

And then there’s the car’s climate controls and other controls. Not very intuitive, and they force you to take your eyes off the road to operate them.

Not the smartest of designs. The car magazines often comment on this oddity.

5

It has been a long time since I worked on a car for which it’s possible to swap the battery connections - much the most common arrangement is that (at least one of) the cables will not reach to the wrong battery post.

In the category “advice too late to be of use” I’ll offer that it’s essentially always easy to trace the battery cables: the negative one quickly makes its way to the engine block and/or the vehicle’s frame/body.

6

Apparently you can get the battery in the wrong way, which is what I did. I looked at the black and brown cables and thought “Black is negative, so I’ll orient the battery with the negative terminal next to the black cable.”

After some cursory Googling, apparently I’m not the only person to have been bitten by this strange cable coloring business.

And yeah, they do stuff backwards over there; the gas filler is on the opposite side from what seems like every other car I’ve ever filled with gas. Can’t say the climate controls are particularly odd though.

7

My parents had a series of VW and Audi cars in the 1970s and 1980s and I remember that they had some weirdness, like the batteries were under the passenger seat.

8

Right rear passenger seat. And if someone who is a bit heavy sits there, there’s a good chance that the seat springs will make contact with the battery terminals.

Yup. Seen it.

9

I had a Mini Clubman where the battery was under the rear seat. You had to put a plastic bag on top of the battery if you folded the back seat down to make a cargo space, or you got acid burns on the velour.

The MG, which my brother has now, has positive-earth, unlike most more modern cars which are negative earth.

10

Free heated seats!

11

And a bit of smoke…

12

On the subject of idiot car dealership service departments:

Took my Honda in for a routine service, oil change etc plus some other issues so it was there overnight.
There’s a big honkin’ sign on the wall behind the service counter with a list of all the amazing stuff they check for you when you bring your car in for service. Tire pressure, fluid levels, blah blah Battery!!! They’ll even give you a free car wash. Definitely you should trust them with your car for routine service. Yes you should.

So I go to pick up the car. The weather is frightful. Sleet and wind.
“Car’s all set, mam. Pay your bill and here’s the keys”
We live about an hour away so I’d had my husband take me. Fortunately, he stuck around.

I go out to my very cold and crap covered car and turn the key. Nothing. Nada. Not even a speck of life. In fact, I think I had to unlock it with the key rather than the electronic button thingy. So, hmmmm.
Trot over to husband getting in his car and ask him to please check and make sure I’m not losing my mind.
Nope. Mind is fine. Car is not.

Stomp back into the dealership - which incidentally is under construction so they can build a fabulous new service department which is taking up all the available parking and generally making everything that much more painful for their customers. Hand back the key and inform the service drone that the car is dead. He, of course, looks at me like I’m an idiot.
Goes out to the car and (un) surprisingly, it is dead.
“I’ll get a jump thing and start it for you” he kindly offers. “You probably need a new battery. We can install one next week. We’re very busy right now” he says.

At this point my patience is done. Husband bundles me into his car and says he’ll deal.

I haven’t been back to that dealer and since they’re the only Honda dealer in our area I will not ever buy another Honda. Too bad. I like that car.

13

I’m no fan of service departments, but I’d he willing to give the dealership just a bit of slack on this one, maybe. Its easy to leave a dome light or something similar turned on when you’re driving an unfamiliar vehicle and it’s plausible the grease monkey did something similar and simply missed it after the work was done.

The battery can be tested though, which they should’ve done right there. And if you needed a new battery installing one (assuming it’s easily accessible) is a 1 minute job. None of this “come back next week” shit.

My story: we one had a Chrysler Town and Country minivan. It developed a problem where it would occasionally not start. When the key would be turned the dash lights came on as normal but only for a split second, then everything would shut off: the lights, the dome lights, and a few other things that I can’t remember. It acted like the battery had been disconnected suddenly but some things, like the stereo, would remain on. So parts of the van were still getting juice but most were not. Not knowing much about cars I checked the obvious-to-me things like the battery connection and the fuses, but nothing seemed wrong.

I took to the dealer. I explained the problem in detail and the nice lady at the counter wrote it up on a work order which I reviewed before turning over the key. Sudden loss of power with key engagement. Check. Some systems remain functional. Check. Intermittent. Check.

I get a call the next day that they have diagnosed the problem and I need to come in and sign for the work. Ok. I come in. These two greasy (as in, are unfamiliar with bathing) guys are behind the counter. I tell them what I’m there for. Turns out they’re the guys who diagnosed the van. Great! The problem? All I need is a new starter and I’m back in business!

A starter, huh? I asked them if they actually read the work order. They suddenly get defiant. Of course they did, they say. I ask them, how is it then that a bad starter is causing power cut-out at the dash and interior lights?

Wut? Lights? Uh…

I turn into a full-blown Karen. I demand they fet their service manager out there now. Another greasy guy, way too fat and in a too-small shit that made him look like Rush Limbaugh comes out. I explain the problem. He tells that I’ll need to leave the van and pay another diagnostic fee to get it looked at again. I told him no dice, I already paid the diagnostic fee and his tech literally didn’t even look at the work order. He told me no, I’d have to pay the fee again.

I told him to eat my shit. He demanded I leave. Fine.

I took it to an independent shop. They diagnosed the real problem – the circuit board that controls the alarm system was faulty. It was registering the key as a fake so was basically disabling the vehicle. They fixed it and I never had a problem again.

Incidentally, I once recounted this story here and our long-lost poster Rick, who was a mechanic, ripped me a new asshole for badmouthing his profession. I asked him if the techs I encountered, who charged me $85 and clearly did not even glance at the work order let alone do an inspection of the van, were in the right and if was in the wrong. He didn’t answer but kept bitching about my ranting.

14

Though I have a Honda and when I leave it for an oil change, one of the services is a battery test. So if @slumtrimpet’s car had a bad battery, they should already have known that rather than speculating.

15

Exactly!

It wasn’t my first rodeo with this particular dealership. We bought the car because their service dept was quite good.
And then they weren’t. A big hint that things had gone south was when all the long time service people disappeared.

16

Perhaps before you need to replace your Honda, the dealership will be sold to someone who runs a competent service department so you’re not forced to buy another car brand?

17

Doubt it.
I think almost all the local dealerships are owned by the same entity.

We’re gonna try a Tesla. We’ll see how that goes. (not due to arrive until June).
And I found a local garage that takes good care of my now 10 year old Honda.

18

::facepalm:: I totally missed that in the post I replied to. Yeah, that’s horseshit if they were supposed to check it and just didn’t.

19

It will be a subscription service once they figure out how to disable it remotely.

20

No… we got the thing checked out, then drove TO Austin, which is about 240 miles from our house, and then drove back. So it wasn’t discharged due to anything the mechanics did. It acted very much like it did the last time the battery was dead- several dash lights freaked out, but still had enough juice to power the lights, locks, radio, etc… but the car wouldn’t turn over.

My point (that you concur with) is that just a second with a testing gizmo of some sort( or a simple multimeter) would have shown that the voltage wasn’t up to snuff- maybe enough to start the car, but not the nominal 12.6 volts that a battery in good condition should show.

I’m just pissed that they supposedly did their check, and let us go driving 1/3 of the way across the state, with a battery that was on its last legs, without so much as a “Hey- might want to get a new battery.” I’m also pissed that VW did their cables backward. And I’m pissed that I didn’t remember that, or notice the tiny (~3 mm) little positive/negative signs on the terminals before hooking it all up backward.