Scylla - isn’t this the SIL from hell, from another story? One about driving with your wife and SIL to a family gathering?
Milo:
Perhaps you’re missing the perspective of the situation.
Am I a worry wart as far as my daughter goes? yes.
Did I tell my Sister-in-law that she was less valuable than my daughter? no.
What I was telling her, was that if she opened the door in an accident before my wife had the baby, that premature reaction could result in disaster for my daughter, as well as for my wife and myself, since we wouldn’t exit the car without her.
So the actual equation isn’t is my daughter more valuable than my sister-in-law, but rather; are my wife, my daughter, and myself combined equal to her in value.
As an infant my daughter is completely helpless. She relies on others for her every need. That is a tremendous responsibility and while I ask noone to share it, if you are going to hinder it, I will exclude you from our environment.
I’ll give you another example.
People like to hold a baby. Have you ever held one? Have you ever walked up stairs with a baby?
As you set your foot on that first stair, it may occur to you that if you fall, you will not have your hands free to break your fall as long as you are holding the baby. Not only that, but if you didn’t want to crush the baby you would not be able to fall forward, but would probably have to fall backwards and head first.
Are you going to hold the baby or drop it and stop your fall?
Are you going to go over forwards or backwards?
The decision you make will determine who makes it to the bottom of the stairs in one piece.
If I do not feel confident that you are willing to take the fall to protect my child, then I don’t let you hold her. That’s been my policy.
With my sister-in-law, metaphorically speaking, I was not asking her to take the fall. I was simply asking her not to push us, and precipitate our fall.
Anyway, Fuck it. My car. My baby. My wife. My gas money. Hence, my rules. If you don’t like 'em, you can ride with somebody else. By letting her in my car, I was doing her a favor, not the other way around.
Milo:
Having known her for 8 years, there is absolutely no question in my mind that it was a face value statement.
scylla, when i read your post, i thought, ha! i’m not the only one who has plans and plans and plans for disasters. the only thing i would have done a bit diffrently than you, would be going over the plans before entering the vehicle. those plans would have been rather extensive.
thinksnow, thank you for your insistance on a seat belt in the frount. keep it up.
IIRC, this is the bad sister-in-law, the “SIL from hell,” as Zyada put it?
My .02–I’ve read Scylla’s stories about this woman. And I think that if he’d said “Hey sis, in case of an emergency, please hang on until the baby’s safe,” she’d have responded the same way–let the baby burn. I also think that had Scylla said nothing at all, and something horrible had happened, SIL would have let the baby burn.
Now, all’s I’ve got to go in is Scylla’s word, of course. But if his word is the truth, then he’s not too wrong in letting her know, in the harshest terms possible, that the baby comes first. Period. Doesn’t matter if it’s his first or his twelfth. His SIL really does need it spelled out, in no uncertain terms. And if that means taking an “I’m a raging b****** and you’ll feel my never-ending wrath if you don’t grab my kid” attitude with this particular woman, then so be it.
Most normal people, if they saw a car in flames by the side of the road with four people trapped inside, one of those people a helpless infant, would grab the kid first, regardless. I know I’d break the window with my own head if I had to. And I can only hope that if a stranger ever found me like that, they’d grab my kids before they even thought about trying to get me. But from Scylla’s accounts, this woman isn’t normal, and I don’t blame him for taking that tone with her.
I was civil, I was just sharing my feelings. That is the impression I get of Scylla from those posts. If it’s perfectly normal to contemplate murder in defense of your family like that and I’m the weirdo for thinking it’s a bit off, no skin off anyone’s nose. If it’s not normal to think like that and Scylla doesn’t, I got the wrong impression, but he might still want to know what kind of interpretation some people might make from that post. Again, no incivility there.
Badtz, I can say that when a nurse ever came into my Grandmother’s room when she was that the Hospital I probably threatened death a few times. Waking her to give her her sleeping pills WHILE she was on sedatives already, that kind of stuff just pisses me off.
My family used to be really important to me, and some still is. anybody every did anything to my friends /some relatives I didn’t agree with, I would either threaten bodily harm, or kick their ass onthe spot.
so, all I can say is that people will do anything to defend their family.
From what I read, it seemed Scylla was mad at the SIL for saying she wouldn’t wait inside a burning car for them to decide what the best way of getting the kid out was. She didn’t seem to be saying ‘rescue me first’, it wasn’t about her saying that she wouldn’t try to take the kid with her (I don’t think that even came up in the post), it was that Scylla knows that in some situations opening the door of the car after a wreck might be harmful, and he wants to insure that he and his wife have time to decide what the best course of action is before they start to bail out. I can understand that, but I think it’s unrealistic to expect someone to wait in a burning car - every second might count.
The SIL was at least honest. Most people would just say ‘Yeah, sure’ and then if in a wreck get out of the car as fast as they could. I personally would have said that I couldn’t guarantee that I would wait for permission to get out in case of an accident, I can imagine way too many scenarios where it would be best to get out and I trust my judgement above all others in most emergency situations. I never would have said that about letting the baby burn though. In fact, I would want to do anything practical I could to save other people in a wreck, I just couldn’t promise not to try and save myself.
If I was in Scyllas position, if I thought that someone could potentially be a danger to my child I would flat-out tell them they couldn’t ride with us, not give in and think about how I could kill them if they tried to do what they said they would.
Badtz:
Really the core point in that story, which I must have been getting across badly is that while I blustered and fumed, and argued, and fantasized murder, my wife quietly and without fanfare took straightforward and definitive action.
Thanks for the support, Milo, possibly I’m not totally insane.
Yes, I still think Scylla’s comment would have elicited a sharp “Fuck off!” from me, and I am surprised that so many people slammed SIL for not humbly submiting to Scylla’s orders. However, I think that Scylla, in clarifying his position, agreed that he does not have the right to dictate other’s decisions on safety except on his own property, and that he probably should have said something before he let her in the car. Also, Persephone’s comments are well taken: everything SIL said (here, and in the rest of this thread) indicates that she is not normal and may need to be treated like an emotional/ethical retard.
And Scylla, I do know that this wasn’t the point of your story. I wanted to address it because it should be a general trait on this board to call people on unfair behavior. And because like I said, I was in a very bad situation where someone tryed to dictate their own loved one’s safety to me. I hope I haven’t in any way detracted from your satisfaction with a very touching thread about your wife.
Mischievous:
You have been courteous, thoughtful, well-spoken, and you bring up an interesting point.
I also noticed that you wondered about the effect that your point might have on the other thread, and decided to start another rather than take the first in an unpleasant direction. Most considerate.
In fact, you’ve been rather exemplary.
AND FOR THAT YOU MUST DIE!!!
thinksnow, I think you’re perfectly reasonable (and commendable) for requiring a front-seat passenger to wear a seatbelt. I require all passengers in any car I’m driving (hell, let’s be honest, any car I’m even in) to wear seatbelts. If they resist, I just tell them that not only would I be unable to live with the guilt if we wreck and they die, knowing that they’re unsafe distracts me to the point that I cannot drive or continue riding peacefully. In other words, if the seatbelts aren’t on, the car doesn’t move. I’ve even pulled over when someone’s taken their belt off in transit.
As for the original subject, when I read Scylla’s story, my first thought about that incident was, “How cute! He has contingency plans in case the car burns! Awwwww, aren’t new parents adorable?”
And, Badtz, I’m one of the most pacifist people on earth, but, I’ve had vivid fantasies of exacting horrible vengeance on people who might hurt my children, especially when my first was tiny. I suspect it might be a standard new parent thing.
Dammit, that’s left over from a cut and paste operation. I know enough not to put superfluous commas in.
I’m so ashamed. I previewed and everything.