Ladies and Gentlemen of the SDMB, I know times are hard right now, but it is because they are tough that we need to remember those less fortunate than ourselves. Life has been very unkind to our SDMB brother Jim. It was difficult enough for him to go through life with a speech impediment stutter (jjimm) and dyslexia (SMDB). After the crash reduced his post savings to the low 80’s, he was unable to cope with the extra stress and Humor Impairment Disorder set in:
So please, in this time of need, please find it in your heart to donate whatever posts you can to this poor Irishman. All contributions will be tax deductable of course. Og bless you all.
I thank you for your sympathy, and offers of support, but assure you they won’t be needed: despite what it may appear, I am in fact working undercover - special ops in the field of double-bluff-irony.
You are all fools. While you’ve spent years hoarding your post counts, I posted with nary a thought about my post portfolio. Would it sustain me through my golden years? I don’t know. Was it diversified? Nah. I barely spent any time in GQ or ATMB. Did I divide my count portfolio equally between international AND domestic threads? Ha! And trust those Aussies??! Did I put at least 10% of my post count into a separate liquid account? I don’t know-- does beer count?
But I don’t care! Why? Because I am confident that when TPTB realize how unequal the post counts are among the Dopers, they will react in true American form by creating a subsidy program for those of us who have squandered away our counts. They will deduct all excessive post counts from people like Scylla and Esprix and divide them fairly amongs the rest of us less prolific Dopers.
Suckahs.
And to ensure my future viability, I am hereby transferring a sizeable portion of my post count into TubaDiva’s re-election account.
Au contraire, cjhoworth! Us newbies lost more than our evil, oppressive high-post-count overlords. Ostensibly, they moan about losing hundreds of their precious posts, blithely overlooking that they lost but a tiny percentage of their total stock held.
'Tis us newbies who suffered most from the crash - myself, I lost 50% of my net worth. It’s us, the mum-and-dad investors, the small stakeholders who lost have lost half of our life-savings! The high-posting elite can withstand their proportionately-negligible losses but who’s going to pay for my retirement now that my nest egg is so cruelly diminished?
Clearly, this is conspiracy lead by the SDMB clique. TubaDiva is nought, I fear, but an unwitting pawn in the plot to defeat the rising power of us newbies.
I say that we get a subpoena issued, demanding our posts be returned to us. They’ll tell us that all the records were lost.
But, a year or so from now, someone will finally get to dusting the reception area, and just as he’s straightening up the pile of old magazines, out will pop our lost posts.
You should have sprung for the insurance. I was leery about paying 5 posts a month for something I never thought I’d use, but my post count was hardly affected by the crash.
(Either that, or my memory was affected.)
And it’s a good thing, too. Why, just last night, I was approached at the bar by a fine young thing. “Is that a softball in your back pocket or are you just happy to see me?” she asked. “Neither,” I said. “That’s my wallet, bulging with posts. Would you like to touch them?”
After that… let’s just say I showed her my :eek: face.
For a very long time, counted in human years, I lurked at the SDMB thinking one day I may register and even post. That day came in the great snopes outage of 2001.
Still I mostly lurked until around December 2001 when I released myself fully upon the SDMB community and my post count rose steadily.
I lost 4/5 of my post count in the great swindle
You old-timers may well whinge about a minor loss on paper but you have lost no status nor respect. Not only am I thrown back to absolute newbie status my fears of participating here and being thought a dolt by those whom I live to read have returned. For now there is little of my material left to search and compare and decide I am indeed worthy of notice.
What’s all this about some criminal post conspiracy?
Myself, I lost my posts to a cute little Mexican board. Woke up the next mornin’ with a hangover, broken heart, and a strange computer virus. Yeah, so it hurts a little when I empty the Recycle Bin nowadays. Life goes on.
Diversify, my ass. I’m keeping my post counts in a safe place; right under my mattress. And I ain’t reporting it to that Treasury Agent from the gubmint, either. Them’s my post counts.
Through Social Security Posts? Not a chance! I’ll end up eating dog food to survive and panhandling for chump change.
I put all my posts into one basket (MPSIMS) with a few paltry posts over in other sectors (CNN, FoxNews) but nothing globally. I didn’t diversify. I trusted SDMB…I posted regularly. I had faith in this *American *Board. You Bastids! I bet none of this happens over in OsamabinLaden.org .
I would like to be the joanie come lately thread killer, btw the way.
