[Mustached British commander accent]
Some of you may rememeber the brave and heroic assault on Mare Una this recent past, and the subjugation of the native peoples under the Dread Pirate King Cecil, as well as the defacement of the world factbook entry and many songs of the Cabin Girl.
Soldier, I have good news. The rogue lands of StraightDopia, after a lengthy and exhaustive siege, has capitulated and ceased to exist. The no-good haven of the OpalCat fiends, the Fathom Peninsula, has surrendered to King Cecil and his mighty army.
Now, we must discuss what our next target will be. I’m bringing this up in the hopes that more people will return to the game, and our manpower will increase. We had a great and thriving region in the heydays, but that just may be possible to have again.
Now, I understand that when you first start out with the game it seems to open ended and huge, truelly something amazing. However, four minutes of playing it the way it was originally concieved and you see it is as boring as dirt. Now, if you want you have the option of discussing with the fellow mates in your region, which is all well and good as activities range from discussion to role playing, or you may role-play on the NS forums, but there’s more to this game than that. There’s more to this game than competing to see who has the best income tax rates! Honest.
My original nation left the region to seek a life of adventure, sex, and my fortune. Eventually I’ll say I believe I found it. After many journeys afar I had a hard time seeing my beloved home region of Cecil’s Sea fall to apathy and neglect. Praises to the original hangers on for sticking it out until they reached a billion in population. During my travels I discovered the concept of Invading. That is, getting friends together (lawfully and without UN cheating, of course) and moving en masse to an unsuspecting region and endorsing each other until one gets the delegate spot and then we usually do whatever we want.
As an ahem experienced invader, I will tell you that if you find the right group to do this with it can be the greatest activity in the game. I happen to have a tenure in the most notorious region-crashing group in the game’s history. Some of you in the region may have heard of them, because I remember a mentioning of the group by name.
Invadings, Max (the guy who runs the site) says, are perfectly legal because they allow for long-term playability of the game. Boy, is he right. Like I said, the way the game was originally intended it can be as boring as dirt. I nearly left it and I understand why so many of you did too. That was a tragedy, losing humorous nations like Random Chance and Bosda’s fish nation thing. Several people started to leave the game when it was young, but then this one group started invading and a few others followed and it was fun again. Now, if you don’t like invasions they have started adding play-submitted issues so in theory you’ll never get the 405030 Harry Potter issues a month.
Ahem, back to the original subject. Sometime last week (or was it the week before that), the Cecilian Steam Navy occupied the region of the Unaboard twerps and stayed for six days. They Unaboardian dogs were so stunned by the effective attack that they were unable to amount hardly any resistance at all to our superior might. Great Newington Butts lead the charge, with UN backing from Happyplace. I as well endorsed GNB to get him the spot as the delegate. A few non UN nations joined the pack to taunt the locals. We donned Pirate garb and talked a mean Pirate lingo. I remember there were many verses of the Cabin Girl song sung, including these couple which are family-friendly enough to put here:
The Cabin Girl The cabin girl,
The naughty little minx
She can get herself in positions that could put our necks in Kinks
The Cabin girl, the cabin girl,
be with World News and then,
“Be it soon?” She asks, he answered with, “Aye, at noon, five, and ten!”
The cabin girl, the cabin
girl, to love her is but folly.
She ain’t much for settlin’ down,
but she’ll make your roger jolly!
The cabin girl, the cabin girl,
with mad lust she’s been peppered.
She did a carrot, the captain’s parrot, 3 hippos and a leopard.
I hope to galvanize the troops into continuing the Great Scourge and attacking another message board region. After we land, fight the scurvy landlubbers, take their booty and plunder, then we’ll change the factbook entry to show it as another mark of King Cecil and we’ll go back into the high seas!
Or maybe next time we’ll do it with a barbarian theme. You know, I’ve never done that one but I’ve always wanted to. Pirates are always fun though, and we could have Captain BuckleberryFerry and NoClueBoy lead the next one from the helm of the Ted. 
And so, I propose what an online translator told me, Dopeistani Govnuk Sluzhba. The Dopeistan Service of Bastards. War Council will take every so often someone wants to fight the Scourge we’ll discuss it and if enough people are up for it, we’ll do that. As an experienced invader, there’s a few things you might need to know about invading and I’ll try and tell you it as it comes up (like when to invade and why then and all that). An eventual goal for the group may be to merge into another for those who wish to stay and do that.
My preferred first target would be perhaps something small to gain some more experience. However, the golden prize is the rogues of Farktopia. Let’s just say if we let them know they’ve been colonized by King Cecil hilarity would ensue. 
Now, they’re currently about to go to war with their rivals in Farkistan, so their numbers would be depleted from being off in the war so we’ll have to take them soon (but not too soon, the first war between them was long and bitter so we should have some time). We’ll need some organization and some numbers for this one, so I’d like to ask people to return to the game. Like I said, there’s more to this game than arguing about who has the best income tax rates. Honest!
An important issue: The Farktopias scream “Crusade”, and the Farkistanis scream “Jihadiy.” Our battle cry should be something cool too. Perhaps Banzai? We’ll talk about that later.
So chaps, what’ll it be then? What say you we give this a couple nights of hard fightin’ (more like 5 minutes of what it takes to move into the region and a couple days amusing ourselves) and see if we like it. If we do, then the Dopeistani Govnuk Sluzhba will be born!
[/Mustached British commander accent]
Yeah, basically I want to get more people into the game and invade Farktopia. I had a lotta nice rhetoric though. I guess I’m long-winded. Heh. And the Dopeistan Service of the Bastards is a funny name.