I’m just going to chime in here and say that my husband is a professiona jazz drummer and a drum teacher. Most of his students spend the first few months with nothing but the metronome, practice pad, sticks and a couple of books working on stick control and various rudiments before he deems them ready to graduate to drumset.
If your son really wants to learn how to play a practice pad makes almost no noise. My husband practices 2-3 hours a day on a practice pad set you can’t really hear it unless you’re in the same room.
Your mom asked you about it and then completely disregarded your wishes. I think you did the right thing in a tough situation.
There now seem to be a fair few electronic drum kits available at about the same price as a beginner drum kit - at least as good as practice pads (in terms of feel) and can be played via headphones/practice amp (when he wants to show off). They are smaller than a real drum kit but provide variety, and can pack down/set up pretty quickly.
Mom was wrong because you told her that you didn’t want them and she went ahead and did it anyway. However, (I am now ducking), I would let the kid have the set if he seems interested in it.
Yes, the drum pads are a good idea but not nearly as fun. My son started out with a pad and two months later we ended up getting him the kit anyway. He was around 9 or 10 years old at the time. Since your boy already is expressing interest in it and it is something he wants, I would go for it.
Buying the set for my son was the best thing I ever did for him. First, he showed a talent from the start and it was something he worked at for years. He was in the school bands all through school and ended up as percussion captain his senior year and writing all the cadences (sp) for the section.
Music gives children confidence. It allows them to grow creatively. Yes, it is loud. We bought pads for the drums and had a stricted rule against crash cymbals after eight. However, his band friends were like family (many still are) and I have never regretted buying that first kit. Oh, and they stack, it really isn’t necessary to keep them set up all the time.
Assuming you ever did want to let him have a drum kit and didn’t want to buy an electronic one (there are some nice ones out there for less than $1000–could probably find one for considerably less on sale or used (see this page for a few possibilities in the $500 range, keeping in mind that a new acoustic drum kit less than $500 is most likely not a high quality item)), there are rubber mats that you can put on the drums to muffle them considerably. Stuff a pillow or two inside the bass drum and put mufflers on the cymbals, and it ends up being quite a bit less loud than an unmuffled kit. And the best part is that if he gets good enough that he ends up playing for real, he can take the mats/mufflers/pillows out for performances and then put them back in for practicing.
The space issue is, of course, another story. I have a drum kit sitting in a storage locker because we simply don’t have the room (or at least don’t want to repurpose our existing space, which isn’t that much with all our other hobbies taking it up) to set it up. I’m sure I would play it more if it were actually here.
My brother had a drumset when he was a kit and had it stuffed with all sorts of padding.
It still made a hell of a noise and we were happy as clams when he got rid of them.
Do not budge, or buy him an electronic one, it will save you a lot of irritation.
Your neighbours will also be thankful.
Your mom was way, way, over the line and you did the right thing. She was going to give your child a loud, impractical gift that you specifically asked her not to buy. Good for you for standing up for yourself, it couldn’t have been easy.