Secular eulogies? Atheist funeral on Thursday

In My Humble Opinion
21

This might perhaps be appropriate to be read by a grandson. I haven’t been able to find it anywhere on line, so I’ll reproduce it below with the appropriate reference (in the book no copyright holder is given) It’s by Lorna Wood and published in More Poetry Please. Everyman J M Dent, London, 1988

To A Descendant

I shall not be an importunate, nagging ghost
Sighing for unsaid prayers; or a family spectre
Advertising that someone is due to join me …
Nor one that has to be exorcised by the Rector.

I shall not be the commercial type of ghost,
Pointing to boxes of gold under the floor
And I certainly don’t intend to rattle chains
Or carry my head … (such a gruesome type of chore!)

I shall not cause draughts, be noisy, or spoil your ‘let’–
In fact, to be brief, I shall not materialise.
But I shall be glad if anyone ever sees me
In your face or your walk or the glance of your laughing eyes

22

Sir Doris, that last line completely tripped me up (as I believe it was meant to). Lovely poem. So subtle. I’m not sure if I could get through the last two lines without breaking down. But it’s a serious contender. Thank you.

23

It choked me when I first read it, JJimm, and that was a few years after my Dad died. It’s made me feel a bit sad now, but in a good way.

24

Dylan Thomas wrote poems for his atheist father as he was dying and after his death. The most famous of course is Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Night which may be appropriate. He also wrote Elegy and Lie Still, Sleep Becalmed. One of those may be what you’re looking for as well.

For a different kind of poem, if you’re looking for something short and simple, Robert Louis Stevenson’s Requiem may be suitable. This is the poem that ends with

“Here he lies where he longed to be;
Home is the sailor, home from sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.”

25

There are sections of Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass that are fitting tribute to death – and life. I’m thinking of section 14:6 in particular, which begins with a child asking “what is the grass?” and Whitman thinking it the “lovely uncut hair of graves,” continuing:

26

Dirge Without Music
By Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892 – 1950)

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

(1928)

27

[QUOTE=jjimm]
He lived a very long life, and at 95 and very ill, it was properly time for him to shuffle off this coil, so I don’t think the tragedy of Funeral Blues is necessarily appropriate in this case. Thanks though!
[/QUOTE]

I’d think that even though it was his time, it still sucked that he died. That said, I like virtually all of the suggestions in this thread.

28

Both my parents had humanist funerals, and asked that they be ‘celebrations of life’.

In each case I gave a short summary of their life, but then other family members told stories and reminiscences from their own perspective. (We also played music.)
This went very well and the mourners said how fitting it was.

Perhaps your father would let you give a grandson’s view of the departed.

29

[QUOTE=What’s That Smell?]
Dirge Without Music
By Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892 – 1950)

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

(1928)
[/QUOTE]

That’s beautiful. Just beautiful. I think I’ll copy this to my hard drive and break it out when the time comes.

30

Authorized Cinnamon, I really liked your post. It shows that even if there is no afterlife, we have still made a difference that continues past our death. Do you have any more information on where to get the transcript?

31

My condolences on your loss.
May I suggest a little Ralph Waldo Emerson. (or someone else.)
Keeping things secular, upbeat and stuff like that there.

32

[QUOTE=Shirley Ujest]
My condolences on your loss.
May I suggest a little Ralph Waldo Emerson. (or someone else.)
Keeping things secular, upbeat and stuff like that there.
[/QUOTE]

I like this one, too. I added it to my list.

33

You could just blare: There’s No Business Like Show Business by Ethel Merman.
(I think I might want that at my big send off.)

34

Sir Doris, I used your poem. It was very well received as extremely appropriate by the relatives there. I preambled it with the manner in which his life was surrounded by jokes and good humour, with examples, and then my belief that due to this wry look at the world, he would have liked the sentiment of the poem. Thank you so much.

The humanist minister afterwards said she had the poem on file herself for years, but had not yet had the courage to use it due to being unable to gauge the sense of humour of the bereaved and the deceased.

To all the others who contributed, thank you very much indeed for your contributions. I hope there’s some useful stuff here that may help someone else in the same position.

35

[QUOTE=What’s That Smell?]
Dirge Without Music
By Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892 – 1950)

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains, but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the love,
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

(1928)
[/QUOTE]

This just really strikes a chord with me. I have conflicted feelings about death: I do think it’s quite wonderful and amazing that every bit of matter and energy composing our bodies goes on to contribute to life in some other way. However, it doesn’t change the fact that losing someone you love dearly forever is horribly sad.

“More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.”
I don’t think I shall ever forget that.

36

Chuang Tzu

37

[QUOTE=nevermore]

“More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the world.”
I don’t think I shall ever forget that.
[/QUOTE]

It really is quite possibly the most perfectly written expression of love.

38

Glad to hear things worked out jjimm.

39

I think you made a lovely choice.

40

I’m glad to hear it went well, jjimm, and I’m glad to have been able to help.