Seemingly Innocuous Last Names That You'd Refuse to Live With

In My Humble Opinion
1

So you head off to the courthouse to change it on your 18th birthday, family be damned. Bold them, please.

I could not live my life as a Roach. I don’t care if I’m Hal Roach III. I believe people are impressionistic, and I don’t want an uphill battle every time I introduce myself wherein I have to start by inserting a disgusting image into peoples’ minds and then winning them over.

Finger. Ever since middle school, I’ve known this to be a verb. A filthy, filthy, hilarious verb. I couldn’t live down the shame of being even something as innocuous as “Steve Finger” let alone a true howler like “Armand Finger” or “Harry Finger.” It’s worse for girl names.

2

Anything -bottom. Winterbottom, Higginbottom, Sidebottom (which is the worst of all, a mere 90 degrees from Frontbottom).

Also, names like Biggins and Wiggins I find inexplicably horrid and ugly, although strangely I could live with Higgins.

3

I know a fellow whose last name is ‘Butland’. No, thank you.

4

Huh. I went to high school with a Roach and a Finger, both female.

5

The last name Hogg is problematic.

Even more so, if your parents name you Ima.

6

A few months ago, I came across a woman named Gail Snodgrass :eek:

Bonus: she lives in West Virginia.

7

Mullett was a common family name where I grew up. Early on, I always thought of a fish, and now I think of bad haircuts.

8

Hoare
Goodick
I have worked with gentlemen with both these last names.

9

I would not want to live with the name Kuntz. Whitehead is another one that would bother me.

10

If your German Immigrants were lucky, at Ellis Island their last name would be Anglicised from Fuchs to Fox

11

Seman or Cockburn would be awful names to attend Jr High with.

12

Peed.

There’s a Peed Plumbing near here, and there used to be a local sheriff named Carl Peed. I always felt a pang of sympathy for what it must have been like for him as a kid at roll call: “Carl Peed. Here.” The other kids probably snickered every day, “Ewww, right at his desk!” Maybe that’s why he went into law enforcement.

13

I know a girl with the last name Buttram. I don’t think she’s married yet, though.

14

Dick

Cocaine

Yes, I knew people with those names.

15

I just met a ‘Cocayne’ in the last month!

He is a cop. True.

16

Used to work with a guy whose last name was Butt, which would be even worse.

17

Hyman. And to make it worse, his first name was Manual.

18

Reminds me of the aptronym of the proctologist called Anil Ram. I wouldn’t want to have the surname Ram even without that first name, even though at frist blush it seems strong and masculine.

19

The Cocaine that I know doesn’t play well with cops. And when they ask what his name is, things never go well.

20

Branstool, which seems to be a fairly common family name in Ohio. There are also a lot of people named Spittle around here. I’ll take a pass on both of those.