Self-help Guru revealed as a Schlub

Cafe Society
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Karen Salmansohn, self-help author impregnated and dumped by her own Prince Harming.

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I love it when people who set themselves up as “experts” get some kind of a come-uppance. Remember Dr. Laura?

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Wow.

First off, I’ve never heard of this person. If you showed me that article without accreditation, I’d have guessed it were an Onion article just by how obviously made-up the book titles were. Guess not.

That said, if this lady is telling the truth about situation, then the guy involved is a world-class fuckup. “Sure, I’ll pay $28,000 for your fertility treatments. What? They worked? You’re pregnant? Oh, no no no…get an abortion”. The hell? I’m going to guess the guy thought the treatments would fail, and paying for them was “shut up, be happy” money. Dude, you bought this trouble. Live with it.

I wonder if it’s possible for there to be a more severe punishment than to be sentenced to live with the woman who authored How to Make Your Man Behave in 21 Days or Less Using the Secrets of Successful Dog Trainers?

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Yes, it’s very strange. I guess he was sure the treatment wouldn’t work, what with her being 49, and that after two or three tries they’d stop, and he could be a comforting perfect mate, with the added bonus of having thousands of dollars backing up his “I really wanted this baby” shtick.

I think it’s no shame she fell for it. I mean, come on! Lying scum-bags are rarely this committed to their false promises. Although it’s a discredit to her she took the “just, almost, practically divorced” line.

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Someone had a lot of fun writing this story. And I thought this was hilarious:

That’s about a half dozen paragraphs after…

I’m a guy and I’ve never read a relationship book in my life and I still know enough not to fall for that one.

Other book titles from Karen Salmansohn, a couple of which she may want to consider reading:

Hollywood Intuition
The Bounce Back Book
The 30 Day Plan to Whip Your Career Into Shape
The Clitourist
Quickie Stickies
How to be Happy, Dammit
Enough, Dammit
The 7 Lively Sins
Ballsy: 99 Ways To Score Extreme Success
Gut: How to Think From Your Middle to Get to the Top
How to Speak Fluent Lovey Dovey in 11 Languages in 24 Hours

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I like how the writer kept slipping different book titles into the article, just to make Salamansohn look more insane.

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Could being a Clitourist lead to a quickie sticky?

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When you write a book titled How to Make Your Man Behave in 21 Days or Less Using the Secrets of Successful Dog Trainers you deserve to get treated like shit by men.

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I suppose you have to be a cunning linguist to speak the language where the Clitourist is going.

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Another classic from The Onion.

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Well, at least she doesn’t live in a VAN… down by the RIVER!

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I can’t imagine anybody wanting to come up Dr. Laura.

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That’s where “How to Speak Fluent Lovey Dovey in 11 Languages in 24 Hours” comes in…

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Wow. What a jerk. Him I mean. 10 trips to the fertility clinic and he changes his mind 24 hours after finding out she’s pregnant.

That’s just sick.

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I’m surprised she didn’t see it coming.

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I’ve seen that book entitled “Train Your Man” on some comedy show. I had no idea it was based on a real one.

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I have a question about her lawsuit. Apparently she is suing for financial support through the pregnancy because this guy told her he would. That’s fine and I understand that it will now be up to the courts to decide, but it also says that he had been supporting her for a few weeks and his leaving now (and withholding said financial support) leaves her without “prospects for income”. So my question is: What?? Seriously? If you apparently write books for a living, but don’t for several weeks because you are being supported by your sugar-daddy, then you are no longer self supporting? Does anyone think this is a good idea?

I know that he will (and should!) have to support the child including the medical expenses related to birth…that’s a given, but should he really have to fully support the mother just because he has for a few weeks?

This sounds to me like it could set a bad precedence (if there is not one already) that will keep men from financially supporting their pregnant girlfriends, because if they do it for a little while they may be legally obligated to continue doing so…not to mention how it makes her sound. All those books etc. and three weeks without income (by choice) is enough to make her dependent on a man to take care of her. It sounds like the opposite of what women are taught and what we teach our daughters to me.

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This would make an awesome TV commercial for Match.com. “Laundromat king” who really makes his money as a bookie and isn’t actually divorced, somewhat flaky 49-year-old woman who wants to get pregnant, it really has it all.

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There is just so much chewy caramel wrongness here:

  • If having a family is a priority for a woman she needs to start one BEFORE she turns 49. In fact, before 35 is recommended

  • Get married before getting pregnant if you are expecting support during pregnancy and raising the kid

  • He gave her how much money over 6 months? Holy crap, I could live off that amount for TEN YEARS! It didn’t occur to her to squirrel any away?

  • People who refer to training other human beings as if they were dogs are probably not the best material for matrimony.

I could probably go on, but why bother?

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Or parenthood, natch.