Sent my Mom flowers and now I feel guilty

My mom is in the hospital, recovering from her surgery yesterday. (Cancerous tumor in her kidney, which they removed the tumor.) Anyway, she’ll be in the hospital for about 5 days or so, then come home, where she’ll be out of work for about 4-6 weeks. She’ll use her two weeks vacation, and one week of sick leave, then she’ll be S.O.L. for finances. She has nothing in savings, and no short/long term disability to rely upon. This diagnosis has hit all of us out of the blue (however, how many people plan to get cancer?), and both my grown brother and I are juggling our own family finances and can’t afford to take on the added expense of financially supporting our mother.

So, wadda I do? I get online this morning and drop $35 to send her flowers in the hospital, and now I feel incredibly guilty. That $35 (which is about all I had “extra” in my budget) could have gone towards her heating bill, or her electric bill, or even a copay for her doctor… Getting a refund for the flowers (or cancelling the order) is impossible at this point, so the $35 is already gone.

It figures…I try to do something good, and wind up messing it up. :smack: Me and my good intentions.

Don’t think of it that way. Yes, perhaps you spent money on something you can’t really afford, but you can’t change it, so why fret? Instead, try and htink about how happy the flowers will make your mother.

I wish you the best of luck. Have you come up with any plans? Sit down with your brother and discuss it. Are there any other family members that could chip in?

Don’t feel guilty about it. Receiving flowers while in the hospital, or in recovery from surgery makes people feel really good. Everything else will somehow work out, so don’t sweat the $35. I guarantee she’s glad to have those flowers in her room.

You did the right thing, mate. hugs

As far as her bills go, talk to the utility companies. They should be able to work something out.

Good luck to you both.

It takes all kinds of heat to keep a person warm. The warmth of your affection for your mother, expressed via flowers in her time of convalesence, is a necessity as well. Attitude and outlook affect recoveries, and you helping cheer her up and feel loved in this particular point in her life may go further to helping her heal than you know.

Keep your chin up, you did a good thing. I have no doubt that you will continue to do what you can to support her through this rough time and your opportunities to help with more basic physical expenses and needs will come in time. Perhaps a visit to the house with a couple dollars worth of weather sealant caulk to help seal off that drafty window. Or volunteering some time to help her process insurance and financial paperwork so she doesn’t have to deal with the hassle and strain of sitting on hold for the next available agent during her recovery. Doing her grocery shopping because she probably won’t be able to shop around for the best deals in her condition(hitting multiple stores with different sales/items) will help her money go further at little out of pocket cost for you. Bringing leftovers from your home which she can re-heat for an easy meal instead of being on her feet cooking for herself. There are hundreds of opportunities for you to support her aside from flat out financial support.

Money is a big deal, yes. But thoughtfulness and time spent with a loved one is valuable too.


There’s never any one exclusive ‘right’ thing. Any sort of help is good.

Things’ll work out. Life’s kinda wierd that way. Best of luck, and I’ll keep your mother in my thoughts - hoping for a speedy recovery.