I do not recall inviting you into my house. How fucking dare you just come in and make yourself at home !
It sucks bad enough that you’re here, but you bring the whole family ! And you invade my pantry and try to eat everthing in my house ! You’re also driving my dogs fuckin nuts.
My kids don’t like you !
My husband doesn’t like you !
I don’t like you !
Just get the hell out !
Fucking Ants ! 
Ooooh, I HATE ants! Those rotten, stinking bastards. And down here in Texas, there are none of those nice, docile black ants you find up north. All the ones here viciously bite anything that moves.
Story: I had just moved into an apartment in Houston. Hadn’t got a bed yet, so I was sleeping on a mattress on the floor. One morning I woke up with discomfort in my feet. I threw back the sheet to look, and discovered several venomous crawlers biting the sensitive areas between my toes. I yelled out in horror and disgust, then snuffed out their worthless little lives.
Another morning, I woke up, got out of bed, and walked into the kitchen to have a bowl of cereal. Groggily, I sat down on the sofa, and turned on the TV to watch Sportscenter. In my daze, I forgot that the night before my roommates and I had been messily eating club crackers on the couch, the crumbs of which had accumulated on the ground below. A couple minutes later, I felt that familiar discomfort in my feet, and looked down. Dozens of red ants were swarming over the cracker crumbs. They didn’t like the presence of my gargantuan fleshy paws, and were signalling their displeasure by repeatedly biting them. This time, I totally lost it. I got down on the ground on all fours and starting smashing the ants into tiny little carpetstains with my fist. Then I grabbed a pencil and used the eraser to snub out all the rest I could find. Over a hundred ants were manually exterminated that morning, and ever since then I have borne a deep loathing for these bothersome pests.
Ants are sooo annoying. Those little bastards wrote the book on guerilla warfare. You spray them with poison, bomb them, wipe them off the counter, but they’re still hiding in their holes and tunnels, waiting until its safe to come out and wreck havoc again.
My cats don’t offer any help. I think they have the same attitude about ants as I do “what are these crawling things in my food? Gross!”. And the bait traps don’t seem to work.
Since moving to the south I have discovered that ants bite, yes they do! They infest my house and then have the nerve to crawl onto my feet and bite, they leave itchy, burning welts where ever they munch…little fuckers…I bought some little ant hotels and they worked like a charm, but they looked like they died to peacefully…so I am on the look out for something that will make them writhe in agony…
Margo
The posters in this thread make the baby E.O. Wilson cry.
When you buy a home, you learn that poison is your friend. Especially as it concerns fire ants here is south Louisiana. As far as I know, there is no sure way to wipe 'em out. The best you can hope for is to annoy them enough to move to your neighbor’s lawn.
For more useful hint checkout:
http://fireant.tamu.edu/management/twostep.html
We had a flying ant problem when we first bought out house about 20 years ago and found out the screens were inadequate to keep these little darlings out. No, they don’t bite but you feel like you’re being invaded by a foreign power when they do their mating flight. Spent the night with my mother and husband repelling the invasion!
The annual visit of the ants to our house appears to be almost over for this year. They come around in spring and hang out in the kitchen, looking for handouts. After a while, they go away.
Little beggars. At least these particular ants are the little black kind, not the virulant fire ants. I’ve occasionally had the misfortune of accidentally stepping into one of their anthills.
Not recommended.
This may not apply to you, but you might be able to build up a tolerance to them. I lived in Houston from the time I was about 1 yr old, to the time I was about 7. And according to my parents, I used to wander out into the yard and plop myself down in the middle of a huge fire ant mound fairly regularly. They never bothered me that I can remember. My father, on the other hand, to this day (20 years later!) still has scars on his shins from a run-in with the little buggers.
What’s weird is that I thought about ants when I read the title, before even clicking on this thread. Growing up in the desert, we learned that nothing does much good about the little boogers, except for keeping things super clean. We even put stuff like crackers and cereal in zip lock bags, and syrup was kept in the fridge.
I suppose you could be grateful it’s just ants. My sister once woke up to find she was sharing her bed with a couple of big, juicy, scorpions!
Margo said
You gave me the best laugh of the day! Let me know if you find any way to make them suffer one-by-one rather than as a group? (I’m making plans for activities for summer vacation.)
I wonder if anteaters make good pets?
A story:
Once, I was living in an apartment, which was on the ground floor. We tried to keep it fairly clean, but random junk would accumulate, as random junk is wont to do. I thought nothing of it, until one day I saw a line of ants marching up and down the windowsill next to my computer desk, feasting on the bounty that was the pile of candy wrappers and coke cans next to my monitor.
I cared not; if the ants wanted my refuse, they could have it.
In this apartment, I slept on a matress on the floor. One night, I was awoken by an itching sensation all across my body. I turned on the light to find ants scurrying about my bed, merrily chomping on my exposed flesh. I shrieked, jumped into the shower, calmed down, and spent the night in the recliner. The next day, I shook out my mattress, and moved it to the other side of the room. The ants did not bother me after that incident.
The next year, I moved into another apartment, this time, on the second floor. I eagerly anticipated a blessed, ant-free existence. A few months later, though, I was again awoken by a steady stream of ants in my bed. This time, I was determined to rid myself of this plague once and for all. I pulled up my mattress, removed all the crap in a six-foot radius around my sleeping space, and pulled out my trusty can of Raid. I soaked the carpet in my sleeping space; I sprayed insecticide on the walls, along the cracks, everywhere I could see. I left a veritable lake of death for any ant foolish enough to tresspass on my domain. I set my mattress back down, allowing it to obtain a coating of Raid. A floral-scented miasma slowly settled down onto my bed.
The ants never bothered me again.
My vote is for a poison called Orthene. It looks like talcum powder, but smells terrible. You gently sprinke it on the hill (so as not to disturb them; otherwise, they’ll just move), all the time crooning gently,“It’s just a little snow, nothing to worry about, just go about your business . . .” It takes about 24 hours to see any effect because it works by having the ants take the poison down into the tunnels where it slowly but surely kills them, all of them.
[rubbing hands together] You can almost here the gasps and the wheezes. I live for their tiny gasps and wheezes. [/rubbing hands together]
AOL era board thread
I use a product called “Terro” to kill ants. It’s a mixture of boric acid and some kind of sugary syrup. I put a dime-sized blob of it on a bit of cardboard, and place it somewhere on the ants path. After a day-long feeding frenzy, all my ants suddenly disappear.
As far as finding an agonizing death for ants, maybe this site can help.
The author goes on to mention something about death by boiling water…
I hate ants!
Straight boric acid works pretty good…it doesn’t poison them, though. It dessicates them. They don’t even have to eat it, just walk through it.
Anyways, Terro changed their formula a few years ago. It used to be arsenic in sugar syrup and it worked even better than the boric acid formula. I found a few bottles of the old formula last summer while cleaning out a family cabin that we were getting ready to sell. I have them carefully hoarded against the day we experience our next infestation of ants.
And from your quote…boiling water works great when poured directly on the anthill. If you find one in your yard or near your home, several gallons of boiling water kills them all. But it will also kill all the vegetation it hits, resulting in a bald spot for several years.
And again from your quote…ants can’t fart? Never even thought of that.
I find that a simple old garden hose left flowing near the entrance of the ants’ nest does quite well. They’re too busy scurrying around with their little white pupae to worry about lunching at my place. The big benefit of this method is that it uses zero pesticides, which I detest.
Now, if I were in an area with fire ants, napalm wouldn’t be good enough for them.
I have black ants in my car. I have cleaned every inch of it and the little buggers still like to come out and wave hello every now and then.
The moral of the story is never go to sleep.